


Facts

by Themaidsdiaries



Category: All Creatures Great and Small (TV), All Creatures Great and Small - James Herriot
Genre: F/M, Family, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Slow Romance, Vet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 57,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26975206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themaidsdiaries/pseuds/Themaidsdiaries
Summary: Following the events of episode 01x06 Siegfried begins to understand some of his own feelings, and so does Mrs. Hall.
Relationships: Siegfried Farnon & Mrs. Hall, Siegfried Farnon/Mrs. Hall
Comments: 62
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language. Forgive my typos and grammar mistakes (or bad word choices). I just write for fun.

When James leaves the bar before everyone else Audrey knows what to do. Beside her, Siegfried looks at her and then nods. The silent communication between the two does not surprise her anymore. It is comforting to have someone who understands her so easily, something she did not even had with her husband, whom she lived with for more than a decade.

"I'm going to fetch the coats." He says when she leaves her beer aside.

The night is cool. Winter is not far now and James seems completely lost. Audrey knows that nothing she or anyone else says will make a difference at that moment. What matters is that James knows that he is not alone, that he can count on them and that is what they do, they stay by his side. He seems relieved to find himself surrounded by them and that gives her a hint of satisfaction.

The walk to Skeldale House is short and Tristan hugs James, reminding him of his success with Strawberry. She watches them out of the corner of her eyes. They will be quite a pair in the near future, she is sure of that and Siegfried seems to read her thoughts. His smiles brief at her.

Their coats are hung in the corridor hooks side by side, the door is locked and Saint Nick gains a pat of thanks. Good night wishes are exchanged at the bottom of the stairs. The joyful mood had faded despite Tristan's effort and it was no surprise to anyone when James was the first to go upstairs. The Fanon’s and Mr. H watched him for a few seconds in silence. James was a good lad, a good vet, a good son... If Edward were a little like him... Making comparisons is wrong and unfair, but inevitable in some circumstances. She wanted to be able to give some comfort to that poor boy.

"You need help?" Tristan's words bring her back from thinking. 

The youngest Fanon watches her fondly and she smiles as she gives his arm a gentle squeeze.

“No love, go to bed. You did a lot today.”

“Ok, Mrs. H. Night.”

“Night.” She and Siegfriend respond together. 

He is standing beside her, his hands buried deep in his pants pocket watching her closely as if waiting for some sort of guidance on what to do. It was almost funny how she managed to impose her will on her boss and how he obeyed without much resistance. This was one of the things she liked most about him, the fact that he was always willing to help her, to accept her advice and sometimes (although unwillingly) to assume his mistakes. 

"Will you help me?"

He shrugs with a sigh. "I feel like I deserve this punishment after I didn't believe in James." 

Siegfried is a good man, the best she has ever known, even though he spends most of his time behaving insufferably, like a spoiled child, full of wills, screaming and having his tantrums. And she likes him, likes him more than she allows herself to imagine. "I can't disagree with that." She says at last, trying hard not to smile.

* * *

Although he still feels a little ill and quite tired Siegfried follows her around the rooms collecting glasses, bottles and plates from the furniture and tables. It is a ritual that they have adopted since the early days. No matter how tired he is, he always tries to help with something at the end of the day, even if it is getting up to answer the door or on the phone. She worked as hard (and often a lot more) than he did, lending a hand seems fair.

Together they collected everything. The cushions returned to their proper places and the room returned to its presentable appearance, while the dining room resumed its absolute serenity with nothing out of place. The empty bottle cases were placed in a corner to be returned to the pub in the morning and the dishes washed while the kettle was put on.

Siegfried notices how their movements seem synchronized, as if the two know exactly what the other would do next, a choreography performed perfectly. It makes him wonder if they would actually dance together so well as they moved around each other. The idea of the two dancing made him frown and watch her closely. It wasn't absurd, after all he had the habit of dancing with an abundant group of women at Mrs. Pumphrey's parties, but where did that come from?

"What's it?" Nothing went unnoticed with Mrs. H. and now she was looking at him carefully as she prepared two cups of tea and generous slices of cake for them.

He liked to watch how she did everything with precision and care. Most of the time she was practical, going back and forth quickly, but in those quieter moments she had a subtle grace that he liked even more. If he was honest with himself at all, and at that moment maybe he was (and it was certainly that witch coaction’s she gave him fault), there was nothing about her that he didn't like. 

"Do you miss being married?" Usually it was he who deviated from the subject. Whenever she brought up a sentimental conversation he changed the subject, and yet here he was asking that, to her, after midnight on a terribly long and hectic day.

Audrey stop what she was doing for a few seconds to look at him before finishing serving them both. She sits across from him, takes a sip of tea and sticks the cake with her fork. It was clear that she was putting her thoughts in order before she answered.

“I don't know, not really. My marriage is not something I miss. ” He watches her and she continues to look at the cake, but he knows that her gaze is actually somewhere in the past, analyzing her own experiences. "To be honest, I have been happier here than I was in the late days of my marriage, but I cannot deny that in the winter I miss someone to warm my feet." Her eyes meet his and he grins at the playful comment.

It amazes him how she always manages to put sad things aside and see a positive side or a sarcastic comment, sometimes even a joke. Despite the pain and scars she carries, she manages to put everything aside and live in the moment, and that is something he envies.

"Is good to hear that. I'm glad you feel so good here.” Siegfried feels relieved, enormously relieved. Relieved as he did not imagine that he would feel for such a simple answer.

Her face lights up for a brief moment and she shrugs. “The life I have here is not so different from the life I had when I was married. I have you to infuriate me, I take care of the house and I have to try to keep the boys in line, it's basically the same thing.”

“I supposed it is quite similar in some ways.” Since he is being sincere with himself he ponders her words briefly and there is really not much in the way that she deals with the house and the boys that is different from being a mother, nor in their relationship that is different from a marriage. Apart from the part of a couple's physical intimacy they obviously didn’t have, everything else is there. That thought makes him strangely uncomfortable hot. “I’m sorry to be such an annoying fake husband.”

“Indeed you are, but I wouldn't trade you for anyone else.” Mrs. H hides behind the cup of tea and doesn't look at him directly. 

Siegfried momentarily ignores the meaning of her statement because he finds himself simply agreeing with it. He knows that deep down he wouldn't trade her for anyone, either. He didn't want someone else walking around his house, going through his things, taking care of him and Tristan, giving orders and advices or having dinner beside him at the table. He didn't see himself going to mass with anyone else, or shopping or spending nights playing board games or just listening to the radio. He didn't want another woman's company, not permanently, not as he wanted and enjoyed her company. It was then that he understood. 

Tristan had been insisting that he should do something about his civil status. That he should go out and meet women, give them a chance, live. Maybe even invite Dorothy to dinner. Yes, she was a beautiful woman, captivating and intelligent, it is difficult not to be interested to her. Her affable exuberance and the way convention happens easily with her is attractive. She seemed interested in what he had to say, but when he stopped to imagine beyond those moments of pleasant conversations and intense looks, the truth is that Dorothy doesn't fit into his life as a whole.

So Siegfried finally accepted the fact that not inviting Dorothy or any other woman to dinner was not a way to avoid create an expectation that he didn’t want, it wasn’t a way to avoid imply the possibility of an eventual involvement when he wasn’t ready for it, it was a simply way to fool himself. He had already chosen someone, he just hadn't realized it consciously until that moment.

"Not even for someone who warmed your cold feet?"

That was what he asked, partially hiding behind the cup of tea, trying to hide the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings that swirled inside him at that moment. And yet Audrey's eyes searched him for a few seconds, making him wonders if what she is looking for questions or answers. 

“You can buy me more socks, can’t you?” She simply asked.

“As many as you like, Mrs. H.” He answered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language. Forgive my typos and grammar mistakes (or bad word choices). I just write for fun.

**Chapter 2**

**_December 3, 1937_ **

“MRS. HALL!!!”

Siegfried's voice echoes through the house for the second time in a few minutes, but she deliberately ignores him. Not that she doesn't want to go and see what he wants, but breakfast is almost ready and she won't let the sausages burn just because he's having one of his tantrums early in the morning. Siegfried's crisis, whatever it was that beautiful morning, is not primordial, she was absolutely sure of that.

"Someone woke up in a great mood." James walks with Jess on his heels and the newspaper in his hand.

In the past two weeks, everyone has plunged into work. Apparently all the animals in the county needed care and the clinic rush prevented them from diving into their own problems, which at least had been a blessing for James. Staying extremely busy during the day gave him less time to think about Helen and regret his situation, especially with the imminence of her marriage to Hugh. 

The situation was no different for Audrey. With the animals sick the phone wouldn't stop and with Tristan helping Siegfrid she found herself running around the house all day between her tasks and the phone. Overnight she had become one of those Olympic marathon runners. Not to mention, of course, the usual confusions that Siegfried created and it was up to her to resolve. But she was grateful, at the end of the day they had made a difference for countless families and she prided herself on seeing those three man gratefully devouring the dinner she prepared each night. 

"He's just probably not finding something he missed because he left it out of place."

The smell in the kitchen is divine and she is not surprised to hear quick steps down the stairs. If were him the steps would be hard and the sound of heavy furniture, quite possibly the bed, being dragged out of place confirmed that it was Tristan. 

"My dear Mrs. Hall, my brother is destroying the room this morning." He announces as he sits at the table in front of James. 

"Do you know what he missed this time?" 

"I thought it best not dare to ask." 

James and Tristan try to contain their laughter. Neither of them wants to be caught laughing if Siegfried decides to go down stairs so they focus on their tea and the newspaper. She listens Tristan turn the pages quickly, there is little news that attracts him since most of them are about animals and planting. 

“A-ha! That's exactly what we were in need of!” Tris folds the newspaper so that the half-page ad is in evidence, not that it is necessary. She peeks over his shoulder and James leans over to see what it is. "A Christmas fair with games, food, drinks and dance."

"That sounds fun." Eat sweets and have a warm Eggnog with Bourbon... The mental image was enough to make her mouth water. Maybe she could get Jenny Alderson a new stuffed animal at the shooting tent. Edward used to look proudly at her when he was little and she won the prizes he wanted, but she doesn't want to think about it. 

“What do say, James? How about taking the girls out for a date?” 

“Connie and Brenda? Something tells me that they won't want to go out with us after we both leave them too go take care of Strawberry. ” 

"Let me handle this." Trista turns to Mrs. Hall when she places the dishes full of smoking hot food between in front of them. “You could go with us, Mrs. Hall. Who knows, you might be able to drag my brother out of the house.”

It would be even better to have Siegfried's company. They could share christmas sweets and they would certainly drink more in each other's company. It would be fun. And maybe he would feel compelled to ask if she would like to dance. And of course she would say yes, just to make you uncomfortable.

"It wouldn't be a bad idea." Audrey says smiling behind the cup of tea.

As she pulled up her chair to sit Siegfried's third cry echoed through the house.

“BOODLY HELL, MRS. HALL! ”

James and Tristan laugh and she sighs before finally going after him.

* * *

Siegfried is angry and he hates with all his will when his things are missing. He looks around his bedroom with his hands on his hips. It looks like a hurricane passed by and it certainly did, it's his fault and Mrs. Hall will be scandalized and give him one of those looks when she sees what he did, but it's also her fault. After all, he had called for her and what did she do? She ignored him.

He takes a deep breath as he finally listens her steps up the stairs. She doesn't rush and it takes a good 15 seconds for her to appear at the door. There is the look. If she were a dragon by now he would be roasted. 

"Mrs. Hall, are you deaf?” The attack in these cases is always the best way out. 

"What did you miss this time, Mr. Farnon?"

Siegfried frowns and looks at her. He doesn't like to be predictable and tries at all costs to act unexpectedly. The fact that she sees through this facade leaves him exasperated and reluctant. He knows, so does she. 

"My glasses and my pipe." His voice sounds low when he responds grudgingly. 

She nods, expression frowning and arms crossed. Her eyes scan the room again. The clothes of the day that he hasn't put on yet are on the messy bed, that is half a meter out of place. The pillows ended up on the floor across the room, along with the blanket. Drawers had been opened and left like this. The bedside table drawers were turned over. And the books that usually stay on his bediste table are open on the floor, as if he had lost his glasses inside them. Well, it didn't hurt to check. 

Shame takes over him when he realizes what he has done. 

"Was there a need for you to do all this?"

"If you had come when I called it would not have come to that." 

"I was busy with breakfast." Her gaze intensifies and he is unable to keep it so he looks away to another point in the room.  "Put the bed back to its place." 

Of course she is right, but of course he is not going to assume that, so when she finally enters the room he turns around to put the bed back in place. The bed is heavy and he snorts once, but controls himself not to show that even for him it is difficult to move that old thing. 

When he turns to her, he sees Mrs. Hall in the far corner of the room, next to the chair where he always leaves his used clothes at the end of the day. 

It is strange to have her there in his bedroom, he admits to himself. Not that she doesn't go into his room every day to clean up his mess and change the sheets, but he is rarely there when that happens and at that moment it seems impossible not to let his mind wander. The room looks happier with the presence of her, even with the mess and even if she is enraged.

Mrs. Hall begins to rummage through the clothes on the chair. She palms his trouser pockets, takes a pencil from one and a few pieces of paper from the other before putting it aside. She do the same with the vest, tie and socks. His underclothes he hid on the bottom of the pile, as he always did, and sighs when she ignores it, but his breath stops halfway to fill his lungs when she picks up his shirt and brings it close to her face.

If having her there was strange, having her there smelling his shirt was even more. Part of him sees the irony of the situation. There were days, right after his wife's death he often sat on the end of the bed with his face buried in Evelyn's clothes just to smell her perfume and try to find some comfort. 

It's different now, remembering that doesn't hurt and seeing Audrey Hall smell his shirt makes him another part of him feels strangely... Strangely what? Intrigued? Curious? Excited. Oh God. He wants to wrap his arms around her and be able to bury his face in her neck to smell her perfume. He coughs and clears his throat, trying to force his lungs to function normally and pushing those thoughts out of his head. 

"Yesterday you didn't smoke." She finds out. So that was it. She looks around and turns back to him. "Where's the coat?" 

"I have no idea."

* * *

She found him partially ready for the day. His shirt had been buttoned wrong, he was wearing no tie or vest and his hair still needed to be combed to perfection. She preferred him that way, with his hair showing its naturally light color and covering his forehead, a style more suitable for a simpler man, not for him. 

Siegfried follows her closely around the house. His tantuum gone and now he looked downcast and distant. It was unbelievable how he could behave like a spoiled child and how he could change from water to wine in a matter of seconds. 

Nothing in the office, nothing in the dining room, nothing in the living room. She opened the cupbor under the stairs door and nothing, she saw nothing in his pantry. They went from room to room in silence. 

"Voilá." 

Behind the exam room door, hanging on the hook next to the lab coat is his coat with the glasses and the pipe pointing from the pocket. She hands him his glasses and pipe and he immediately puts them in his pants pockets. Experience tells her that he will be looking for them again when he is finally fully dressed. 

"Thank you, Mrs. Hall."

"One more thing" She leaves his coat on the exam table and approaches him. 

Siegfried freezes and his eyes widen in surprise when she starts unbuttoning the first buttons on his shirt with nimble, practical fingers. He sighs and she feels the heat coming from him through the fabric of his shirt. When she turns her eyes to him she notices how much his expression has softened and he looks helpless and needy as he looks back at her. 

She looks away and controls her hands to close the buttons in the right places. If she allowed her hands to surrender to her own temptation they would certainly run to his face next. Perhaps she would pull him close and hug him. 

Her stomach growls loudly and they pull away. The spell is broken, a small voice in her brain make fun of her.

"Breakfast calls." She announces with a brief smile. 

Back in the hall he looks around. "Where's the newspaper?"

“With Tristan in the kitchen. There will be a Christmas fair.”

"Ow! That sounds fun." He says going after her towards the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Hope you liked it.


	3. Chapter 3

_**December 06, 1937** _

"I will prove you are wrong, little brother!" Siegfried's voice resonates loudly through the house and Audrey hears it as soon as she passes the threshold. Unable to contain her curiosity, she listens attentive, trying to unravel what is happening.

Audrey went to get fabrics she had ordered. Helen and Hugh's wedding was only twelve days away, but it was enough time for her to sew a new dress to attend the event and hopefully she would still have time to prepare something to wear at Christmas. However, spending ten minutes away from home was enough time for a revolution to begin and a war to break out among the Farnons. James is a saint compared to those two.

"We will see, big brother!" Tristan appears in the corridor striding, with the lightness of someone completely unconcerned. He smiles when he sees her.

"Mrs. Hall you are a relief for sorrow eyes.”

"Are you going out?" 

"I will hide from this lunatic while I have the chance." Tristan's mockery makes her laugh and she watches him go. 

Tristan is a good boy and it's nice to have him at home, even though his behavior is challenging most of the time and it annoys Siegfried. Tris was beginning to mature and had been struggling to do so. Gradually he would get where he was supposed to go, she was sure. Perhaps Mr. Farnon was not so wrong to call her Patron Saint of Lost Causes, but if he were a little more patient with his brother and treated him more like a brother and less like a son, Tristan would listen to him.

From the dining room she hears Siegfried muttering to himself and that makes her walk at a light pace. Distracted, he had bent over a series of papers with his glasses hanging from the tip of his nose and tapped a pencil on the table. 

"Good afternoon." She says casually, her voice startles him. 

"Oh ... Good afternoon, Mrs. Hall. So, it finally arrieved?” Siegfried points to the package she holds.

"Yes! It appears that Mr. Edwards' supplier mixed batches of orders, some of which were shipped north, so a new batch had to be shipped here. I just hope I can finish on time.”

"You work miracles with your seams, I'm sure you'll be ready in a few days, even though I still think you should have gone to Mrs. Johnson."

"I know!" She was not going to enter that debate again. Mr. Farnon could afford to go to tailors, she was used to sewing for herself whenever she needed to.

Siegfried shrugged and turned his attention to the papers on the table. 

"Did something happen between you and Tristan?" She asked, unable to contain her curiosity. 

"The usual, it's impossible to talk to him." He gives up on what he's doing. He takes off his glasses and leans back in his chair. “Do you believe that Tristan is doubting my ability to entertain people? Apparently my ways indicate the exact opposite, according to him.”

"I wonder why he said that." She responds with sarcasm, which hides her desire to laugh. “You need to stop talking to him as if he were a child. Give him a little credit, Tristan is already a man, Mr. Farnon. ” 

"You too?!" He crosses his arms, indignant. "He will be a man when he behaves like one and you say that, but you spoils him whenever you get the chance." 

"You are also spoiled." 

"Me? By whom."

"By all. Everything is done according to your wishes. Nobody goes against what you want and, if you want me to be nice, I will say that this is also being spoiled.”

"You always contradicting me." He complains, as if he wants to be spoiled by her and Audrey notices that he seems to expect something from her. She can offer a bif of truce. "Someone needs to keep you on track, Mr. Farnon." She says lightly.

Her comment makes him smile and he lowers his head and look at his hands for a while. He returns to distance himself, withdrawn and absent, stuck in his own reflections. 

"Do you find me boring, Mrs. Hall?" Siegfried asks, his voice unsure and again she has the impression that he seems to be expecting something. 

"I wouldn't say that. You have your moments." She shrugs and he frowns. 

"My moments? Now, this is an outrage! Well, know that at Mrs. Pumphrey's parties I am always required to entertain the ladies. I am the first man to reach the dance floor and the last to leave it. ” 

"That's what people say, I heard the rumors." 

"Do people talk about me?" Siegfried looks genuinely surprised.

"Well ... yes, sometimes they do." Audrey is cautious. 

"And?"

“You know, this and that. Nothing really important.”

“This and that? But what the hell does that mean?” 

Audrey does not want to inflate his ego even more, God forbid that. The man has already taken himself in high enough regard. So she purposely drops all the complimentary comments she has heard about him in the past two years. She lives with him after all, knows how polite and charming he can be when he wants to. He's also not that bad to look at.

But many of the compliments are linked to gossip from one or another lady who may or may not have been interested in him and that is another point that she prefers to leave out. He doesn't need to know that, at least she doesn't think so. What she doesn't assume is that she doesn't want him to know, doesn't want his attention to be diverted to that of those women, not after the interest he showed in Dorothy.

Perhaps with time he and Dorothy... The thought hurts her, despite the affection she feels for both. Dorothy would certainly make him more lively, would get him out of his routine and she seemed to like him. Nice curves... She wasn't just talking about the car.

“People wonder, for the most part, how much longer you will go on alone. They think it's strange that you... You know.” She smiles briefly and without grace. The last thing she wants is to offend or upset you. 

"Oh, I see." 

"People have a tendency to talk about things they don't know and I'm sure you're a huge source of entertainment for ladies at Mrs. Pumphrey's parties." Audrey is quick to say encouragingly. 

He nods again, immersed in the introspective silence for a few seconds, then he relaxes. His expression softens and he looks back at her. 

“Maybe I can prove to you that I can be good entertainment at the Christmas fair. What do you think?" Siegfried asks. Is that hope in his voice? She wonders. For those with a huge ego, he was sometimes very insecure. 

"Sure, I would like it." This time she gives a genuine smile. It would be great and fun to have his company at the fair, even more trying to please her. Tristan was going to make jokes about that for a long time.

"Great! You will see how interesting I can be, Mrs. Hall.” Siegfried says excited and assertive. "It's a date!" 

One what? A date how? What he means with 'a date'? Audrey loses not only the words but the line of reasoning for a few seconds. She thought the he and Dorothy could possibly get involved at some point and was trying to get used to the ideia and now he was inviting her? It didn't make sense. Maybe she was misinterpreting the invitation.

The expression of insecurity that her silence made on his face said no. 

"A date?" She asks finally, just to confirm what she already knows. 

"Unless you don't think it's appropriate." He comments cautiously. "Or if you're not interested." Siegfried completes and studies it carefully. 

Even in her whirlwind of emotions she notices that he has become tense and fearful. Her hands hold the package more tightly than necessary and she clings to it like a lifesaver flout. She was not a cowardly woman, but she was suddenly frightened by the possibilities ahead. A date could change all aspects of her current life and while on one hand it was extremely exciting, on the other hand she was just afraid. 

"I ..." She starts and swallows. "I'm interested." Confess is inevitable and they face each other completely awkwardly.

"Me too." Siegfried's voice is as fragile as a lint. 

They nod to each other. Did anything else need to be said? No, everything was right in the open now and what was ahead was uncertain. 

Two years and there they were, finally assuming what seemed impossible to both and obvious to everyone else. 

"I will..." She points to the hall. 

“Sure, go. I need to... ” He points to the papers. 

Audrey leaves for the kitchen, unsure, her hands a little shaky and numb, but with a wide smile on her face. It's her after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're so adorable together. Help! lol
> 
> Thanks for reading. Hope this is entertaining enough. :D


	4. Chapter 4

**_December 08, 1937_ **

Tristan's help at the clinic had become indispensable in the past few weeks and he finally seemed more sure of his knowledge and skills, so Siegfried did not hesitate to leave operations to his brother while he merely supervised. Tristan was now able not only to do the job, but also, somewhat to the horror of his brother, to talk while performing the procedures.

“I'm afraid that Mrs. Hall will get hurt or set the house on fire. She's been so distracted since yesterday.” Tristan's comment surprises him and he looks away from the little yorkshire on the operating table and looks at his brother.

Tristan looks genuinely concerned and Siegfried has been trying not to pay much attention to the situation. But the fact was that of the many possible reactions that Siegfried imagined that Mrs. Hall might have from his invitation, she becaming inattentive was the last. She could have been sarcastic and taken the invitation as a joke or she could have politely declined. In either case he knew that everything would go on as usual. But she had been visibly shocked at first, and since then she had been inattentive, introspective, and that was starting to make him anxious. 

Had he crossed the line and destroyed the relationship they had built? Had he misread the signs? Did she feel pressured to accept? It was difficult to control the growing anxiety and a little voice in his head was blaming him. Maybe he should have been quiet and kept his feelings to himself, after all. 

The day before a series of minor incidents had happened, nothing important or worrying, except the fact that Jess stole the dinner's meat and they had to chase her around the house. The boys thought it was funny, but Mrs. Hall had been mortified and he tried without reaction to minimize everything, but it didn't seem to have much effect.

"I think she may be overcharged with work, or maybe it has something to do with her son." Tristan went on, ignoring his brother's silence as a strange thing and assuming he was waiting for more comments. "I suppose a little rest would do her good." 

"I suppose so." Siegfried responds superficially. 

“You're going to talk to her about this, aren't you? I could, but I think she'll feel more comfortable opening up to you. ” Tristan stares at him, pausing the castration operation for a few seconds. 

"I'm going to talk to her, rest assured Tris." He tries to sound confident, but doesn't sound much like it.

“Siegfried, you don't look very well. It's all right?" 

"I am fine."

Although suspicious Tristan returns to concentrate on the operation and the minutes pass in the most complete silence. Soon Tristan will no longer need to be supervised and that will be a relief. Siegfried can only hope that he finally passes his exams and qualifies next week.

"Big Brother?"

"Yes, little brother?" This time the patience in Siegfried's voice is forced and he wishes he could just shut up his brother. 

"Don't you think it would be nice to invite Dorothy to come with you to the Christmas fair?" 

"Oh.. This again? I already told you that I am not going to ask her out.” 

“I know, but hear me out, big brother. The fair is something completely different than going out to dinner. We're all going together, so it doesn't mean a date, not officially. You can have fun together and talk more. If I remember correctly you were really enjoying talking to her. You need to start from somewhere, why not like this?”

Siegfried stares at his brother for long seconds and ponders. Despite the impatience he feels, he can see Tristan's concern about his situation and understands it, because he worries about his brother all the time. He worries about Tristan's future, as a father would, and yet he notes he knows nothing about how his brother feels in the present, about what he wants. In the same way that Tristan knows nothing about what happens to him. 

Mrs. Hall had been insisting that he should give his brother a chance, that he should treat him more like a brother and what brothers did? They shared things.

"Will you be able to control your mouth if I tell you something?" Not exactly how he intended to start, but the interest in Tristan's face is a positive enough response. 

"My mouth will be a grave." Bad analogy, but that's okay. 

"I have an date for the fair." Siegfried says cautiously, looking away from the dog.

"You what?" Tristan's eyes light up in surprise and he smiles widely. At that moment he looks like a child at Christmas. He's still so young. “This is great, Sig! It's true, isn't it? Aren't you just saying that to stop me talking about it? Obviously I will discover the lie in a few days and I will...”

"It is true, you will see." 

"Who is she? I know her?" In his excitement, Tristan put the operation aside again.i

“Yes, you know her. And pay attention to what you're doing.” Siegfried looks at the dog.

Tristan turns his attention to the animal and Siegfried feels a twinge of relief. Whether the relief is for finally telling someone or not being observed directly by his brother he doesn't know.

"And is't not Dorothy?" Tristan asks, cautiously. 

"No." 

Siegfried's answer intrigues his brother, who frowns and tries to think of the women he has seen his brother talk to in the past few months, in addition to Dorothy. Well, it's not very difficult to come up a total of zero but... 

“Why can I only remember seeing you with Mrs. Hall? Ah, maybe it’s because I just see you with her.” Tristan's sarcasm does not go unnoticed by Siegfried. He's been spending to much time with her, apparently. “I need to tell big brother that you two going out together is not a date. You know that, don't you? A date is to go out with a woman for whom you have some kind of interest besides friendship. Do you know what I'm talking about?”

“Tristan, I went on dates before you were even born, believe me, I know what a date is. And in this case, it's a date.” Siegfried's tone is rude, much more than necessary.

The confusion stamped on Tristan's face would be funny, if Sigfried didn't feel desperately uncertain and confused at the time. 

"What... But... How?" Tristan begins and, being unable to coordinate his thoughts, he gets silent again. "Are you telling me that you and Mrs. Hall have a date at the fair?" 

"Precisely, little brother." 

"She knows?" 

"HEY!" 

"Did you ask her out on a date?" 

"I did."

“That's why she's behaving strangely distracted! It's unbelievable! I had completely lost my hopes. Mrs. H arrived here two years ago! This woman was literally sent by the angels to take care of you and only now you ... Or you two..." 

Doubts spring from Tristan in a rush and the mere assumption, even unspoken, that they might have behaved inappropriately was absurd. Did Tristan think that all people lived in the same debauchery as he? Siegfried wondered.

He takes a deep breath and explains surprisingly patient and controlled. "Mrs. Hall and I have been good friends, that's true. In the past two years she has done a great job and well, I suppose I was reluctant to accept that I saw her as a woman and possibly... ” 

"Possibly? Most likely? Or maybe supposedly ...?” Tristan teases, laughing.

"You u nderstood. "

Siegfried didn't really mean to say that, not to Tristan, not at that moment, but the youngest nod. Tristan understands as well as Mrs. H how difficult feelings have been for him in recent years. Talking to her is much easier than talking to Tristan, at least about some of his feelings, and yet here he was, opening up to his brother and the experience wasn't as bad as he expected. A little exasperating, maybe, but not all bad. 

"Are you nervous, big brother?" 

"I was not, now I am." 

Tristan nods again. "Don't be, she must be nervous about it as well. After all, if she accepted the invitation it's because she see you as a man and possibly..." 

This brings out a smile from Siegfried and he sighs.

"I really hope so." He confesses, his voice sounds weak. Although he does not want to appear weak to his brother, but that is how he feels in many moments, weak and insecure. 

“You know, I can already hear the church bells!" Tristan teases and laugh. "It is good to see you finally trying and it is even better with Mrs. H.” Tristan's joy shows in his eyes and he has a satisfied smile on his face. "I finished." 

Siegfried takes a closer look at the operation, checks the work done and is really excellent. It is amazing how it has progressed in the past few months. Mrs. Hall was right, but when was she not? "Perfect, you can close it." 

Tristan begins to prepare the sutures, still smiling. 

"What about you and Maggie?" Siegfried asks suddenly and surprises himself. 

"Oh... you don't want to know about this."

“You're wrong little brother, I really want to know about it. Maybe I can offer you some advice and consequently help your current situation in some way. I noticed that you two have spoken very little.”

They face each other and although the joy is still there, Tristan's expression becomes much more complex. Siegfried cannot be sure if it is astonishment, doubt or relief. 

"If you really want to know..." 

And this is how Tristan starts and surprises his brother by exposing his doubts about his own behavior and how he is seen by people because of it. He was still very young, but he was finally growing up, and that's a relief. 


	5. Chapter 5

_**December 8, 1937** _

Jenny Alderson always makes Audrey laugh, even when she says the biggest nonsense. Her innocence and lack of filter are endearing and Audrey catches herself mothering the girl as she does with Tristan and James

"It's so boring! Our Helen doesn't speak of anything other than flowers, food and dresses. I just want this to end so we can get back to work on the farm.” She had complained earlier, while they were making shortbread biscuits for tea.

“Helen is going through an exciting and changing phase. It's normal for her to be anxious, every young woman goes through this.”

"Even you went through this?" Jenny asks curiously and Audrey smiles.

"Oh yes, of course I did." Of course, in smaller proportions, but no less exciting.

Jenny makes a face and Audrey doesn't know if it's because the girl can't imagine her young or if the idea of her concerned with dresses, flowers and food seems inappropriate in the girl's eyes. Whatever the alternative, it makes Audrey laugh. 

"You will also be like this when you turn into a young woman and find a good lad you like." Audrey comments and Jenny rolls her eyes. 

"I don't want to find anyone, I want to take care of my animals." Jenny responds stubbornly and very sure of herself. 

"Sounds like someone I know." Audrey grumbles to herself, but Jenny pays attention. 

Now, however, she is sitting on the bench at the back of the house despite the cold while Jenny runs across the grass playing with Jess. She is growing up, but she is still a girl and the fact that she can enjoy childhood and play is good. 

With her right hand she squeezes the fingers of her left hand in a repetitive and unconscious gesture. As much as she tries to distract herself, her head has been working in a loop for the past few days. There was a strange feeling of nakedness in her hand that seemed to extend all over her body since she had removed the wedding band from her finger. After years of using it, her hand seemed extremely light and that was a little unsettling, but going on a date using a wedding band of a marriage that no longer exist would be inappropriate. The ring could send an erroneous message. Although its absence could also raise questions. 

God, everything was so confusing.

She can't forget the look on Siegfried's face when she said she was also interested. So intense and warm, full of hope and with that charm that she pretended to be banal, but it was fatally irresistible to her. Audrey sighs, feeling like a silly young girl, but knowing that he sees her as a woman is another unsettling fact. A date at the Christmas fair in front of the whole town and the boys was much bigger than going out to dinner or going to the movies, or just having dinner at home just the two of them, as they used to do in the 'old days'. Too many eyes on them. 

"I will follow your advice, big brother, despite having my doubts!" Tristan speaks with his mouth full.

Audrey turns to see the two Farnons walking out the back door in a surprisingly good mood. And eating the shortbread biscuits that she had left on the table to cool down.

"You'll see how it's goind to work. I know what I'm talking about. She may not accept your invitation, but I bet she'll see you with different eyes later." Siegfried responds and bites his biscuit, that's when eyes meet hers. "Ah, Mrs. Hall! Isn't it a little cold here for a break?"

"I'm watching the girl, if I leave her alone I won't be able to drag her back inside." She waves at Jenny and he agrees with a raised eyebrow. "These are for tea." She points to the bitten biscuit. 

"They are absolutely delicious, Mrs. H." Tristan comments, taking a second biscuit out of his coat pocket.

"Thank you, Tris." She smiles at the boy and turns her attention back to Siegfried. "Do you still have more work today?"

“We just need to put the animals' shed in order and feed them.”

"Jenny has already done that." 

"Did she?" Siegfried asks in a mixture of surprise and satisfaction. 

“Yes, she seems more excited about reading your books to be able to care for the animals. I don't know what her priority is, but she seems to be interested.” 

"It's a start." 

"That's great!" Tristan says after swallowing the second biscuit. "Very well, thank Jenny for me, I have something to do." Tristan announces and exchanges a knowing look with his brother. "Wish me luck."

"You won't need it, little brother." 

“We will see, big brother. We'll see!" 

They watch Tristan walk towards the street, whistling absently. Audrey, intrigued, soon turns her attention to Siegfried, who avoids looking deliberately. 

"What is this about?" She asks finally, unable to contain herself. 

"You keep insisting that I should treat Tristan like a brother, well, we had a brother conversation." Siegfried shrugs, as if that means nothing. Adorable foolish man.

"You are creating bonds!" Audrey says satisfied, with a wide smile and he rolls his eyes. 

"Don't be exaggerated. I just gave him advice on girls." 

Audrey watches him closely. Brother talk and advice on girls? Not only suspicious but alarming. "Did you ..." She starts to ask if he told Tristan, but stopes herself. "No, forget it, I don't want to know." The fact that he is flushed and tries to disguise it is enough of an answer. 

"Is James back yet?" He asks, avoiding the subject. 

She sighs and leans against the wall of the house. It's colder than she expected, but she doesn't move away. James has been another cause for concern for them and hisisolation only makes things more difficult. In those days he limited himself to work, ate dinner quickly and soon retired to his room. 

"Not yet, and I hope he don't get home before Helen leaves." 

"He's going to have to stop avoiding her at some point." 

"He needs more time." 

“Unfortunately he won't have much time for that. He needs to get used to the idea. The wedding is just around the corner and both the Aldersons and Hugh are constant clients of the clinic, he will not be able to avoid them forever.” Siegfried's words are harsh and his voice gets louder.

"You wouldn't be able to handle the situation any better." Audrey doesn't try to hide her dissatisfaction. 

“That is not the point, Mrs. Hall. I don't think I would handle the situation any better, but the animals come first and he has to keep that in mind.” His comment shouldn't bother her, but it does. Yes, animals were important, but more than anything? She pushed the thought away, not wanting to analyze the implications of her discomfort. 

"Not everyone thinks like you." She says sharply. 

They face each other and her hard look makes him look away and take a deep breath. She is right and he knows he it, so he leaves the discussion aside and eats the missing half of his biscuit in silence. As much as he tries to be unpredictable, for her his behavior is nothing more than predictable. Siegfried shifts his weight from one foot to the other and they watch Jenny and Jess in silence for a few minutes.

"Tristan is worried about you, and frankly, so am I." He finally confesses, hands in his pockets, eyes fixed on her. "You haven't been yourself this last couple of days."

"It's nothing, I'm being silly, don't worry." She responds grudgingly. 

"If you've changed your mind and don't want to..." 

"No, I haven't changed my mind." Audrey interrupts him abruptly and looks at him. She takes a deep breath ad he lets out a breath, the tension disappears from his shoulders. "I told you I was interested and I am." The words sound a little mechanical, but nervousness is to blame. It is difficult to assume certain things so openly. "It's just..." She starts and looks at nothing, trying to put her thoughts in order. “A lot is happening in my head and I never imagined that you would see me that way. All of this is a little overwhelming and has been distracting me. What happened yesterday will not happen again.”

Remembering Jess running away with dinner leaves her not only flushed but extremely embarrassed. Something like that never happened and the fact that the boys had fun had been even worse. 

“This is not about yesterday. I don't care if Jess steals all the food. I just don't want you to feel pressured or bothered by anything.” He says softly.

"I am not." It's me, it's not you. That would be an appropriate answer to that, but this is the type of answe people never understand and she avoids it. "It's been a good few years since I had a date, it's different." Strange would be the appropriate word.

"You can be sure of it." Siegfried's expression relaxes and a mischievous smile curves his lips. 

This instead of relaxing her it only makes herm ore apprehensive. That smile, combined with the look in his eyes ares a great prelude to confusion. 

“You don't have to do anything to impress me or prove that it can be fun. I've seen your worst and your best, Siegfried Farnon.” She hurries to say it and it just makes him startled. 

"What do you mean by that?" Siegfried looks at her with wide eyes and a closed expression. 

"Exactly what I said." Audrey insists. 

"Very well, I promise to try not to embarrass you." He crosses his arms and looks at her, visible annoyed.

"This is already a relief. Thank you." She smiles at him, trying to smooth things over. Having this conversation was a relief, it was true, at least in part and a weight is lifted off her shoulders. Audrey looks at her watch. "Will you join us for tea?" 

"Yes." Another cross answer. 

"OK then." Audrey gets up and touches his arm for a brief moment. This does have the desired effect and he looks at her wish softly before she turns to the girl. 

"Jenny, come on, time to get in, your sister will be here shortly." She screams for the girl to hear her. 

"Can I stay another five minutes?" Jenny yells back, petting Jess. 

“You've said that three times in the past fifteen minutes. Come on." 

Even from a distance, they see Jenny's shoulders fall when she petts Jess and they both get back up. 

"I always saw you that way, I just wasn't ready to do anything about it." Siegfried comments, still with his arms crossed.

Audrey is speechless, surprised, anesthetized, groundless, her heart pounding in her chest. She loathes and loves this kaleidoscope of moods and emotions that is living with this man and finds herself as contradictory to her feelings as he can be with everything. However, before she can answer anything Jenny is standing between them and she automatically puts her arm around the girl's shoulders, which leans against the side of her body.

"Can't I stay here until the wedding, Aunt Audrey?" Jenny asks hopefully.

She laughs, awkwardly and still surprised and hears Siegfried laughing behind them as they return to the house.

"I think this idea is not going to please Helen very much, dear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Next chapter: the date.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I took a few days to update. This was a difficult chapter and much longer than the others. There was a bunch of details I wanted to work to create the right atmosphere.  
> I'm also sorry if this comes out to be disappointing for you in any way. All I wanted was to keep it simple and sweet and I think I reached it the best I can.  
> Hope you enjoy the new chapter and thanks for the feedback.

**_December 11, 1937_ **

The days go by fast. Audrey begins to sew her dress for Helen's wedding and the task is what she needed to put all the anxious thoughts surrounding Siegfried Farnon and the date out of her head. He, on the other hand, feels the tension grow more every hour and the days seems to drag on to the maximum.

When the fateful day arrives, it is one of those intense work days. The phone doesn't stop, people come and go with their pets and the four of them sit tired for a late tea after the last patient leaves. Audrey mentally goes over her options for what to wear. This has been a recurring occupation in her spare time, so she it takes time for her to notice Siegfried looking directly at her left hand where the wedding band should be.

His gaze is unreadable and he taps his fingers on the table. Audrey feels an edge of apprehension and wonders what goes on in his mind. Perhaps she should have kept the ring after all, she concludes hastily. Their gazes lingers, but finally meet and see the expectation shining in his eyes like fireworks, similar to the ones she feels explode in her stomach at that moment, make her relax. Audrey uses the cup of tea to hide her confident smile.

Tristan, of course, lets nothing go unnoticed and follows the interaction with curiosity. He, always so communicative and expansive, has been suffering from having to keep their secret from James, so an hour later they meet again, this time in the living room, ready to leave. He doesn't find a reason to drag his friend out without his brother and Mrs. H.

"You look very well tonight, Mr. H." Tristan praises, looking her from head to toe.

After much doubt Audrey had decided to dig up a burgundy dress from the bottom of the closet with the matching coat that was one of the clothes she used to wore when her husband had not yet immersed himself so deeply in his own problems that made him jealous and violent . Fortunately they still served as a glove. Another stroke of luck was finding an almost dry lipstick and an old blush broken into thousands of pieces on one of ther darawers.

Despite not having done her hair any different and not having made such significant changes, she thought her look had improved a lot and the way the boys looked at her only confirmed her opinion. Some aspects of confidence needed more work to be rebuilt than others.

Maybe Siegfried was right and she should spoil herself by doing some shopping. 

"Thank you, Tris." She replies awkwardly, with a small smile.

"Shouldn't you two have gone to pick up the girls for today's date?"

"Nodates tonight, it will be just me and Jim."

"Why, this is a shocking change for you, Tris." She comments, genuinely surprised.

"I'm trying to make a point." Tristan says, decidedly.

"Siegfried convinced Tristan to invite Maggie and go alone if she sad no." James explains, trying to look serious.

"I see."

"According to him by doing this I will prove to her that my invitation was serious and that will make her start to give me some credibility."

"Wasn't this girl's affection you won and were trying to escape from it a few months ago?" Sarcasm is heavy on Audrey's words.

"Apparently things have changed." James murmurs, with a sly smile.

"I just want to show her that I can be someone serious."

"And what are you going to do when you prove your point?" The disapproval in her voice does not go unnoticed by Tristan, who blushes.

"I..."

“You are expecting a lot from my little brother, Mrs. Hall. This is a lesson he is still learning. He needs time to assimilate. I think Maggie's absence of affection affected him more deeply than he expected. ” Siegfried says absently as he enters the room, concentrating on closing the buttons on his coat. When he is finished he turns to her and sees her he simply says: "You look lovely."

Audrey arches an eyebrow and looks at Siegfried doubtfully. Behind her James and Tristan exchange a meaningful look, but Siegfried is so absorbed in her that he doesn't notice.

"Shall we?"

The fair is a profusion of colors, sounds and smells. Mr. Colborn had lent the use of his land, one of which bordered the town and a large pavilion had been set up to cover the tables and the dance floor. Around it rows of attractions and stalls with food and drinks were lined up. Christmas lights and decorations all over the place sparkled and people e were enveloped by the loud music.

The whole town seems to have left home despite the cold and families, couples and groups of young people were walking around in lively conversations. Audrey slowly relaxed, after all it is easier to go unnoticed in a crowd, even when that crowd knows them.

Tristan and James had lost themselves in the crowd and before she ended up moving away from Siegfried she linked her arm in his.

Each direction had something interesting to see. The gift stalls are packed with young couples and children, most of them accompanied by an adult who tries to guarantee them the prizes. In the shooting tent it is no different and she soon notices that this time the targets are wooden boards painted like ducklings. They swim back and forth continuously. Moving targets made the task of inexperienced shooters very difficult, for her itwould be fun to see the admiration plastered on Siegfried and Jenny's face when she hit the targets anyway.

Distracted, she didn't notice that he watched her from time to time.

The delicious smell of food is almost intoxicating and hunger is a comforting distraction for Siegfried, since talking seems impossible in that cacophony. He kindly guides her through the crowd towards food because having a meal and drinks would give the situation an air of normalcy and is what he needs, to return to seeing it as something normal and not simply as a formal ordeal that they must go through for reach another stage in their relationship. 

"I think I owe you an explanation, Mrs. Hall." He begins cautiously, after they have settled at a table in a quiet corner where they could talk while enjoying the Christmas delights that they have piled on two plates and intended to share. “In the past few years I have been immersed in my loss, you know that very well, and although I have attended many parties and served as entertainment for the ladies, I have never really been interested in any of them. They were all just companions for a dance, nothing more.”

Audrey listens carefully and answers with a simple: "Yes, I know that."

"So when Tristan teased me about Dorothy..." He continues cautiously, afraid that she will misinterpret his words. When he finds out that she just remains attentive, he goes on. “Although I categorically dismissed the possibility of getting involved with her or any other woman, I did start to think about it and it was then that I realized two facts. I no longer felt alone because I was not alone and no one interested me because I had already met someone. So, since I'm being frank, I owe you an apology for being so obtuse and not noticing my feelings earlier.”

A warm feeling washed over Audrey and her face flushed. Although she hears his words, it is in his eyes that she sees the truth, the feeling and this time she is surprised by the intensity of the silent communication between them. Audrey smiles tenderly, absently playing with her fork. She wants to reach out and touch his face, pull him close to her and nestle her face on his neck, say what she feels, show him. And yet she can't, because everything seems so perfect and simple that she fears it is a dream. 

Audrey ponders what to respond to that statement. He waits, his face again filled with anticipation. Their knees touch and his hand covers hers on the table. A warm smile touches her lips. She loves him. She loved him since the first week they lived under the same roof. 

"You owe me no apology, Mr. Farnon." She says sincerely. "Each of us has our own time to deal with our issues." 

“Oh, but I do. If I had been clear from the start, it wouldn't have made you feel insecure about the date or uncertain about how I feel. And please, no more Mr. Farnon, call me Siegfried.” 

Audrey nods. 

“My insecurities and uncertainties grew out of my own speculations. I thought that over time you and Dorothy...” She shakes her head slowly. "That's why I was surprised by the invitation, but I'm glad you did invite me, Siegfried."

His eyes shine brightly when she says his name and Audrey feels her foolish heart soften inside her chest. She knew, and so did he, that it was a path of no return. What they did from then on would be definitive and the path seemed very clear. 

"Me too, Audrey." He responds with a radiant smile on his lips, his thumb gently caressing hers. 

"AUNT AUDREY!"

Jenny's excited scream startles them. Behind her came Helen, James and Tristan, who were making a face, as if to apologize for the interruption. Audrey was soon on her feet greeting the girls.

"We finally found you." James exhales, placing his plate and glass on the table. "Tristan and I turned to see one of the stalls and when I looked to the side you were gone." He soon sits down next to Helen. "The food looks great, doesn't it?" 

Siegfried gives James a scathing look, which he doesn't understand, and Tristan immediately chuckles as he comments. "I see that you found the pie stand too."

Everyone settles in and Audrey changes her chair's position before sitting down. Closer to him she discreetly rests her left hand on his knee under the table and squeezes it gently. When they look at each other she smiles playfully he understands that it will always be like this. They would always be surrounded by the others, as a family and he discovered that there's no problem with that. Having a family is good.

* * *

Dinner was fun, showered with laughter and some good whiskey to keep their bodies warm. Jenny stuffed herself with deserts and declared herself satisfied after the third hot chocolate while James and Helen chatted absently. Hugh's absence, though noted, was not commented and Helen seemed more interested in talking about anything else but the wedding itself or her groom. Perhaps too many hopes were rising that night, but everyone was relaxed and happy enough. Even Tristan didn't seem to be suffering from the lack of a girl hanging from him elbow. And when his eyes scanned around he had a certain target. 

At one point during dinner Siegfried surreptitiously lowered one arm to his lap and his hand found Audrey's again. He wanted to extend his arm around her chair and bring her close to him, but he contented himself stroking her fingers affectionately. The looks he received from her from time to time only made him anxious to be alone again. 

After they ate until they couldn't take it anymore and finished their drinks, the group went to the shooting stalla and it was no surprise when Audrey hit the six shots needed to won a lovely brown bear for Jenny. Everyone cheered, including the people who also tried, without much successor, to hit all targets. For Audrey what mattered was the girl's joy and admiration and Siegfried's respect. 

"Would you like to run away from them and dance with me, Audrey Hall?" Siegfried asks in her ear as they walk further behind the group.

His proximity made goose bumps rose on her skin and it was clear that she finally wanted to be able to curl up in his arms. Siegfried needed no answer other than the cheeky gleam in her eyes to pull her away from the others by the hand.

* * *

Being in Siegfried Farnon's arms as natural and strangely familiar, like an old memory that has become diffuse over time, but which recovers the contours with each new second of proximity.

The first song is faster than they would like, but they wrap themselves in each other's arms and a warm, fuzzy feeling washes over them both. They fit together smoothly like puzzle pieces and Audrey hides her silly smile on his shoulder.

"This is nice." She comments softly, next to his ear.

It's better than nice, it's wonderful, but she doesn't want to inflate his ego.

"I've been wondering how dancing with you would be like." He confesses, and his nose rubs against her temple.

Audrey closes her eyes. Siegfried's warm breath near her ear makes her shiver again.

"And?"

"Fantasy doesn't make justice to reality." He presses her a little closer to his chest and rest his face against hers. “Next time, I think we should have dinner in the city, just the two of us. We can go dancing later, or watch a movie” 

"Next time?" She teases him as if there is a possibility that it won't have a next time, but he doesn't notice right away. 

"Well ..." He starts off a little disconcerted and moves away a few inches, but stops when she laughs and holds him gently against hher again. "This is not funny!" Siegfried grumbles. 

"That would be nice, Siegfried." She says and turns her face to face him. 

When their eyes meet, everything else loses its luster. Music, people and everything else is swept away from their thoughts and becomes an indistinct blur of light and colors. 

"Audrey, I..."

Siegfried wants to dive into her eyes and sink to drown in all those feelings. He wants to show her how he feels and at that moment any doubts that he might still have were gone. He wants to be hers and no one else's and knows that the feeling is mutual. 

With a fluid gesture Siegfried brings her right hand to his chest, so that she can feel his heart pounding. 

"May I?" He mumbles the question when their noses touch. 

They were so close and the proximity was intoxicating.

Audrey didn't know how they got so close to each other. Maybe it was the intense, warm glow that Siegfried had in his eyes, or maybe it was the way his heart was beating fast under her fingers, or the butterflies in her own stomach that made her lean even more forward.

"Don’t you have a heart attack and die on me now, please, Siegfried." She mumbles. 

"I'll try hard not to." He said, and the tip of his tongue wet his lips.

None of them knows who ended the space between them, but their lips met lightly in a timid, soft, brief peck. Their embrace become tighter. Audrey's left hand fingers caress his beard and Siegfried's hand on her back slides a few inches down, finding a perfect spot on her waist. They smile at each other, without moving away. Sharing the same breath, they watch each other so closely that their world comes down to each other.

It is Siegfried who closes the distance between them ainga. This time when his lips meet and intertwine he feels the sweetness of the desserts mixed with a touch of whiskey in her mouth. He controls himself not to deepen the kiss or let his hand explore more of her back, regretting that they are not alone.

"You may do this more often." She comments, with a wide smile on her lips and closed eyes.

Seeing her like this, so relaxed in his arms while dancing at a slow pace is intoxicating for Siegfried.

"I will certainly do that." He responds, and rests his forehead on hers.


	7. Chapter 7

_**December 12, 1937** _

"Looks like some people had a lot of fun last night ..." Tristan teases.

Siegfried eats his breakfast ignoring the provocation. James tries to hide his smile. Audrey controls the urge to give the boy an ugly look. She understands his curiosity, but would it be too much to put the matter aside for a few days? It was too much to ask, she knew.

"Since you brought this up," Audrey replies, taking advantage of the situation. She put the cup of coffee, so much needed that morning, back on the saucer and rested her arm on the table. "You and Helen seemed very communicative yesterday, James."

“Jenny let out that Helen and Hugh had a big argument on the way to the fair. Do you believe that he decided to return home and left them without a lift to go home? ” Tristan get ahead and tells.

"This is odd! Hugh may overestimate himself and can be a little pompous, but I never saw him being impolite with a woman, especially with Helen. I didn't know he was that kind of man. Drop two girls behind! His father would be horrified by that kind of attitude.” Siegfried grumbles with his mouth full.

“I think we managed to save their night. Helen wanted to go home soon, but she gave up on the idea after we met and she seemed even more excited with the fair after dinner.” James comments, his gaze lost, remembering the night before. "Tristan and I took them back to the farm after."

"You were already in bed." Duality carries Tristan's words.

Audrey gives him a hard look and his smug expression melts away. Tristan lowers his head, a silent apology. Siegfried remains oblivious, concentrating on food, that's a relief. It is difficult for Audrey to look at him and not blush. Her body still holds the feel of his hand on her back, sliding up and down slowly as they dance and this is extremely distracting.

Last night when they arrived home and found it deserted Siegfried proposed a last drink before ending the night. Neither really ready to part and end that special moment.

Sitting on the sofa, with the fireplace lit to ward off the cold and another glass of whiskey, this time one of his best, he leaned toward her. Audrey closed her eyes when he started to trace her features with his fingertips. First her forehead, her temple, the curve of her ear, gently descending to her jaw until it reaches her chin. With his thumb he tilted her head up slightly and replaced his fingers with his lips. Siegfried traced the same path with soft kisses and Audrey let a low sigh slip through her lips. To be touched by him was to be enveloped in a total and completely irresistible warmth. She doesn't feel the least bit guilty about giving in to curiosity, but she does keep in mind that there are certain limits to how far she can let herself go.

Siegfried seemed to think the same thing, because when his lips brush against hers, so softly that it doesn't even seem a kiss, he pulled away. 

_ "We are doomed, aren’t we?" Siegfried asked in a husky tone.  _

_ "We are, and I think we should say goodnight for today." Before this goes any further, she thought.  _

_ "I think it would be for the best, Audrey." He agreed. _

She particularly liked how her name sounded from his lips and it was with that thought that they parted, albeit reluctantly, at the foot of the stairs with one last look. She had no trouble sleeping, on the contrary. Audrey curled up on the warm covers and imagining he was still beside her, she soon slipped to sleep.

Of all the aspects she thought about how a date would change their relationship, becoming physical was not one of them. It wasn't like they never touched, because they had. Handshakes, a possible touch on the arms and support when necessary. So in that respect she didn't see a problem, at least not until they dance. Both noticed how easy and natural it was to touch each other, and that could become a problem. 

"I'm glad we were able to help." Siegfried speaks, with a touch of sarcasm and takes Audrey out of her daydreams. 

"You both did the right thing, I'm proud." She squeezes James's shoulder, sitting next to him as if in a suit, which gives him a brief smile of answer. “Now, Tristan. Tomorrow you go back to university. Did you finish packing?"

"Everything is almost ready, Mrs. H." Tristan sips coffee. "I just need my big brother give me the check for housing and the university fee." He gives his brother a meaningful look.

"The check will be ready when you are, little brother." Siegfried finishes eating and leans back in his chair. 

"Very well then." Tristan agrees and moves the chair away from the table. "Now if you'll excuse me..." 

"Where do you think you're going?" 

"Prepare for exams?" 

“Great, that was exactly what I had in mind. I have separated a list of subjects to discuss.” 

"But Siegfried is Sunday and..." 

"And we have a lot of work ahead of us!" Siegfried replies, energetic and lively. "Are you finished yet, Herriot?" 

"Me?" James asks, visibly surprised. 

“You, of course! Tristan needs all the help he can get at the moment. Let's go!" 

He turns his attention to Audrey, with a mischievous smile on his lips that gives her the certainty that he invented something to keep the boys occupied. 

When Siegfried leaves the kitchen in an energetic stretch, followed by a discouraged Tristan and a complacent James, she laughs finishing the coffee. 

"What do we do with this man, Jess?" She asks, still laughing. The dog looks impassive at her, not knowing the answer. Audrey couldn't agree more.

* * *

"Mrs. H, can you fix my white tie? ” Tristan asks in that sweet tone, charming and mischievous.

It's instantaneous, Siegfried's blood reaches boiling point in seconds and he enters the dining room, scaring them both. Instantly he forgot that they had taken a break from studies and that he intended to see what Audrey was doing while Tristan theoretically went to get a snack with James in the kitchen. Siegfried also doesn't notice that she was focused on her seam until she was interrupted.

"Why on Earth do you need to take your White tie?" He asked in his shrill, harsh voice.

"Hmmm..." Tristan looks at Mrs. Hall, asking for help. "It might occur a situation in which it is necessary. I don't know, big brother."

Tristan's attempt to sound casual and innocent is weak and Siegfried is overcome by disappointment, which washes his face. He stares at his brother for long seconds and little by little the disappointment is lessened and transformed into something else, anger. He has been trying, he says to himself. He has been trying very hard to deal with his brother an adult, to see him as such. But how to change concepts about someone who lives by giving the others proof that their opinion is the truth. Tristan, in his eyes, remains immature and irresponsible. And this makes him see red.

"You are prohibited from making any changes to his white tie." He shoots to Audrey without a second thought.

"What? Since when...” She jumps up, her eyes wide with displeasure.

“This is your fault. ‘Give him a chance!’, You said to me and look at it! He cannot continue to be pampered, but you continue to pamper and mothering him whenever you can. HE IS NOT YOUR SON! ” He doesn't notice, but his tone goes up with each new word and he is screaming at the end. But the pain in her eyes doesn't go unnoticed. 

"I know that very well, Siegfried Farnon!" Audrey replies, furious. 

"Siegfried!" Tristan looks at him in shock. 

"No, this is ridiculous ." Siegfried continues to speak to Audrey in a more acceptable tone, despite ignoring his brother. "He's going to take the exams that he failed not just once and he is worried about party clothes!" Why Is it so hard for her to see the absurdity of it? He asks himself. “I AM DONE WITH YOUR IRRESPONSIBILITY.” He yells at Tristan, who looks at him, slightly shaking. "I got tired. I did everything I could for you. I gave you everything you wanted, but I'm not your father, Tristan." 

Yes, he is not his father. This is the raw naked truth. As much as he is old enough, as much as he had carried Tristan in his arms as a baby, as much as he became responsible for his upbringing; he is not his son and it hurts him. 

"I am aware of that." Tristan responds and Siegfried sees the hurt on his face and the sadness in his eyes for a brief moment. 

He turns to leave the room, and that annoys Siegfried again.

"I didn't say you could leave!" 

"You are not my father, stop bossing me." Tristan yells from the hall before disappearing up the stairs. 

Siegfried snorts, opening and closing his hands at his sides a few times to regain part of his control. A glass of whiskey would be fine, but it's still too soon. 

"Fix the suit if you want." He murmurs to Audrey. 

The look she gives him is a mixture of disappointment and ferocity. He knew he had gone too far, that he lost his temper, that he was not only rude, but disrespectful. Not only did he give an order, as if she were a maid (although she was not a maid for him, maybe never was), but he made a point of remembering that Tristan was not her boy. Tired and angry with himself, Siegfried rubs his hands over his face. 

From the corridor he hears her call “Tris!” and run up the stairs after the boy. 

Fourteen hours ago they were together on the couch and he could only think of how sure he was that she was the right woman for him. That night would be the first of many nights they would share in this new stage of their relationship. He never imagined that in such a short period of time he would be putting everything to waste with thoughtless words.

* * *

Audrey finds Tristan sitting on his bed, his arms resting on his knees. 

"I'm sorry, Mrs. H." Tristan mumbles when she sits next to him. He stares at a spot lost on the carpet. "I didn't want to create tension between you two, but my brother..."

"He is a stubborn man and loses his temper too quickly." 

"Exactly." 

"But he cares about you." Audrey gently squeezes Tris's arm. 

"Are you going to defend him after what he said?" He looks at her, frowning.

She gives him an embarrassed smile. Audrey knows Siegfried, she knows how he loses all reason when he has his tantrums, especially when the reason is his brother. His words hurt her, but as hurt as she was she couldn't ignore the fact that he didn't tell any lies. She spoils the boys when she can, helps Tristan to escape from his brother and ends up being accomplice in his confusions. 

"As hard as it is, he didn't tell any lies." She explains patiently. “I pour all of my mother's love into you and Jim and that sometimes makes me lose the objectivity of things, just as he loses his reason when he has his tantrums. Siegfried cares about you. He has been trying hard to be your brother, but the age difference and all the years he's spent taking care of you... He sees you as a son, Tris, and that's more confusing to him than you imagine. He wants to help you and has taken it upon himself to raise you, but at the same time I think he feels that he is trying to take your father's place and that's another thing that hurts him. And parents can end up acting in the wrong ways just for the sake of their children. ” 

"I know that, Mrs. H." He just responds, looking away. 

“This will soon be over. Tomorrow you are going to university and I am sure you will return with the missing approvals.” Audrey smiles reassuringly.

"What if I don't?"

Tristan's question is sincere and he doesn't try to hide his fear.

It hurts her to see how little he believes in himself, even after all the effort he has made in those last two months. The change in him was clear now that he had finally found a way to learn, even if it wasn't the most tranquil or the most orthodox. Some people just worked better under pressure. 

“After everything you've faced in the past few months? Of course you will pass! Or we will have to look for another place to live.” She ends with an embarrassed laugh and he smiles. 

"Life would be more peaceful." Tristan comments sarcastically. 

"I'm sure it would, but it would also be dull." 

Tristan stares at her for a few seconds and she sees the doubt on his face. So he nods, because he understands, of course he understands. Perhaps he is maturing much more than he imagines. 

"You have feelings for him, don't you?" He asks seriously. 

"I do." She confesses. "Even though it is infuriating every now and then." Her comment lightens the mood and they relax.

"I'm so sorry for you." Tristan chuckles. “But at the same time, I'm happy for you both. I just hope from the bottom of my heart that he won't screw this up.” 

"And yet, he will to try hard to." 

They smile, sure that more arguments like that will come their way. Living with Siegfried Farnon is like that, you never know when the storm will break the calm.

"Thank you for believing in me, Mrs. H. Seriously." Tristan says after a while. 

"You're welcome, Tris." She squeeze his arm again. “Where's your White tie? I won't tell if you don't.” 

Audrey knows she shouldn't, but after the last few months the boy needs some fun. After the tests, preferably and this is an observation she prepares to make next, but Tristan opens a big satisfied smile and then shakes his head.

“You know what, Mrs. H? Leave the White tie as it is, James will probably need it soon. When I get back I'll buy a new one.” 

"Are you sure?" 

"Absolute."

"Good boy."

* * *

James tries to start some conversation at dinner, but gives up when he realizes that neither Tristan nor Mrs. Hall intend to talk to Siegfried. 

Siegfried glances at Audrey from time to time, trying to catch some sign of how things are going, but she remains impassive the entire dinner and he doesn't notice when she looks at him out of the corner of her eye. 

It is his fault, of course, he was fully aware of it. His loss of temper had taken him too far this time. He wish he could fish every word he spoke to her in the air and swallow them all back, but now the damage was done. 

As for Tristan, he didn't feel guilty, or not so much, at least. Siegfried still thought his brother's concern about taking party clothes with him to university was absurd. He should be focused on finally completing his education. 

After dinner the boys decided to go to the pub and he heard Audrey deny the invitation. She wanted to finish the dress that night, she said. So Siegfried retired to the solitude of the living room with an open book in his lap, the pipe on his lips and a glass in his hands. The words seemed to dance on the pages. He could not concentrate and neither the smoke nor the drink was enough to relax him.

Jess, lying on the couch, looked at him with a penetrating look. The dog seemed to judge him and maybe it should. Something was wrong with that scene and it was obvious. Someone was missing, she was missing. Unable to contain himself and accepting the defeat, Siegfried walked to the back of the house with light steps. The sewing machine was no longer making a noise, so she was either doing something else or had withdrawn for the night.

Taking a quick look at his watch, he realizes that it is still early, and when he finally arrives at her domain he finds her sitting on the sewing machine's bench, admiring her work. The silky green fabric matches her eyes and was well cut and sewn. He finds himself anxious. He can't wait to see her in it. 

It didn't take long, she soon noticed him standing in the doorway, but she didn't look at him directly. She keeps her eye on the sewing analysis and when she is satisfied she hangs the dress on a hanger. He fists his hands and opens them, he's not good at apologizing and he shouldn't be apologizing that night. Right now he should been struggling to keep his hands in a respectful place on her body. They should be smiling at each other and flirting with the idea of mutual exploitation, not in this situation.

"Audrey ..." He starts, but his voice sounds weak. 

She stops in front of him, holding the dress in the air between them. “You are sorry, you didn't mean any of those things, you have crossed all limits and you are feeling terribly guilty. Did I get close?”

Siegfried shouldn't be relieved, but he is. She knew him better than anyone, even better than Evelyn and that shouldn't surprise him, but it does, mainly because she not only knows him, but understands him. 

"On the spot. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.” 

"He is not your son either." Audrey replies, still visibly hurt by what he said. 

She understands, but doesn't accept. This is fair. He knows he needs to control his attacks.

"I know that very well." He says taking a deep breath and trying to keep his voice under control, but when he continues he sounds mechanical, rehearsed, irritating. "And maybe that is something that we both should try to keep in mind." 

"If that's what you want."

Siegfried sighs, upset with himself. Everything is going an even worse way and he needs to fix this problem, not increase it. 

"I don't want you to suppress your feelings for him. But you cannot deny that you help him escape from problems and that you spoil him whenever you can." He explains in the most patient way he can.

"I do this because you don't show him an ounce of your love for him." Audrey simply responds. 

So he didn't expect this. 

“If I did he wouldn't try to do anything for sure. Do you remember the car? I bought that car for him full of pride of that idiot and he had deceived me, he lied! ” 

She nods. She was there when he bought the car, she even told the boys about the car before him. That moment of excitement was shared by both.

Siegfried watches her. Audrey sighs and shifts her weight from one foot to the other in an uneasy gesture. He wonders what's going on in her head. Where can that conversation lead? It's a waste of time. He doesn't want to talk about Tristan anymore or discuss his relationship with him because it is bound to fail. It was all a great repetition and at that moment he focused on them, not on hi younger brother.

"Last night I could see you feeling in your eyes, that was more important than any word you have ever said to me." Her words leave his heart soft for a moment. "Perhaps a look, a thanks or a hug is enough."

"We are not that kind of brothers."

"Your dad wasn't the kind of dad who hugged, was he?"

"This is cheap psychology." He grumbles in disgust.

"Was he or wasn't he, Siegfried?" Audrey insists.

“My father was a caring man, he was interested in us, he wanted us around and supported me at all times. But no, he wasn't, but that doesn't mean...”

“Of course it does. Your father valued you and you felt loved, even if he didn't show it physically. That was enough for you. But Tristan it not like you. And you don't value him, so he doesn't believe you love him, even though you and I know very well how much you do. You need to give him some indication of you love from time to time.”

Recognizing that they are so different is not easy. He felt loved by his father, that was true. His mother was the caring person in the house and if he stopped to compare the situations he and Audrey had taken on the same roles in Tristan's life that his parents had in his.

"You are right."

"I know."

"And I'm really sorry to have said those things." He mumbles.

Taking a step forward Siegfried reaches out to her cautiously. And when Audrey sighs and her expression softens, he takes one of her hands in his. The fact that she doesn't move away is a small victory and he finally relaxes.

"I know." She repeats, staring at him.

Despite the desire to bring her close to him and wrap his arms around her, Siegfried just squeezes her hand in a gesture of reassurance.

"Would be to bold of me ask you to keep me company after all the rude things I said to you today?" He asks, with a small charming smile, which makes her roll her eyes. 

"Tea and scrabble?" She asks back. Truce at least.

"I'll set up the game."


	8. Chapter 8

_**December 13, 1937** _

Breakfast had been silent, completely unlike the previous day.

Tristan and Siegfried had not yet spoken. Not even when the eldest slid the check across the table a word was exchanged, and the looks that Audrey was giving him didn't seem to have any effect. Stubborn man.

“Pay attention to the tests, you will make it. I believe you." Audrey whispers in Tristan's ear when she hugs him tight. "And don't forget to eat right!" She completes out loud when she lets go of him.

"The poor, poor quality food in that place doesn't have the same grace as your delights, but I will try hard to eat enough." Always charming. She smiles at the boy one last time and steps aside, standing next to Siegfried.

Tristan turns his attention to his brother. His posture changes completely. His youthful smile and cheerfulness fade, his shoulders bow slightly. Audrey is tempted to nudge Siegfried, but she just looks at him intently from the corner of the eyes. Doesn't he notice how his posture affects his brother? She wonders while trying to emanate at all costs the message "DO SOMETHING!" with her look, which he deliberately ignored. 

"Big brother." Tristan says, with a nod. 

"See you next Monday." Siegfried responds in his most professional tone.

"Until then, then." 

Not even a handshake! Audrey wrings her hands in front of her and exchanges an exasperated look with James, who shrugs. It would be easier to make a door understand than Siegfried. And then, to her surprise and Tristan's, Siegfried's hand rested on his brother's shoulder before he turns completely to get into the car.

"Good luck, little brother." He says a little awkwardly. 

Tristan presses his lips together and only nods in response before getting into the car. 

Beside her, Siegfried sighs as the car turns the corner and Audrey slides her left hand in his, immediately catching his eye.

"It wasn't that hard to give the boy a little support, was it?" She tries to provoke, but her lips curve into a small smile.

It seems that he is finally willing to listen to her a little more on this subject.

"I just hope that he finally passes and puts a end in this unending chapter of our lives." Siegfried replies, squeezing her hand soflty.

* * *

"He will pass." Audrey's voice echoes down the hall for a moment as she follows him into the exam room.

Siegfried sincerely hopes so, he saw the boy's evolution in the last few months, he helped in the best way he can and still he has his doubts. To make matters worse the fact that he helped makes him feel that his brother's new failure is also his, more than the previous times. Had he tried hard enough to help Tristan?

“Says the Patron Saint of Lost Causes. I think I should make a promise to you, maybe with your help he'll finally pass.” He responds to her sarcastically while checking the contents of his bag.

While James was taking Tristan to the station, he was left to go to Mr. Sharpe's farm that morning.

"I'm all ears."

His attention turns to Audrey. Leaning back on his table and folding her arms, she watches him closely. The truce had settled down well then. But he suspected that part of her behavior was intrinsically linked to Tristan's farewell. He wouldn't mind having to make small sacrifices to please her, but with hindsight in mind, he's been doing it ever since he met her.

"Shouldn't promises be made in our heads?"

"Not necessarily. In that case only the saint would hear it, but I still can't hear your thoughts. So how am I supposed to perform my miracle if I don't know what this bargain will bring me?"

"Bargain?" He asks, arching his eyebrows. "You were once a more religious woman, Audrey." He adds with mockery.

"You want to use my faith, I want something in return, it is still a bargain." Audrey shrugs. Terribly practical when she wants to.

"And what do you want?"

"The promise is yours, what do you offer?"

He doesn't answer right away. Because in the end what can he offer her? Something material would be rejected for sure. An invitation to dinner didn't seem like a good alternative, he didn't want a new date to feel like part of a business. His heart he had already given her gladly...

Trying to buy time, he closes his bag and leaves the exam room. She follows him and continues to study him with her arms crossed in front of her body waiting for an answer.

"Can I offer myself?" He finally askes, hopefully and making her laugh.

"How presumptuous of you, Siegfried Farnon!"

"I have to go, but I will think of something." With a mischievous smile on his lips he puts his bag on one of the chairs while he puts on his coat. "See you later?"

“I do hope so.” She smiles at him and the two look at each other.

Should he kiss her, Siegfried asks himself. He wanted to, but was afraid to try. A thanks is sent to heaven by him when Audrey takes the initiative and step closer to him. She kiss his cheek briefly and he kiss hers back.

Siegfried turns to leave. His heart hurts from having to go and spend hours away, a feeling he hasn't had for many, many years. If only Tristan had actually completed his training, he or James would now be going to Sharpe's home while Siegfried could stay at the clinic and maybe have a quiet time with her throughout the day.

He's about to look over his shoulder when Audrey grabs him by the wrist and pulls him back to her. She says nothing when he casts her an inquiring look, just look back at him softly. Her hands run over his vest, smoothing the fabric and sending a shiver over his entire body.

  
Unable to resist, Siegfried wraps his left arm around her and brings her to his chest. Their foreheads rest against each other and her hands slip between his clothes. Thats when he realizes that this was what was missing in his life, this feeling of wanting and being wanted and the simple joy that came with a look. And Audrey's eyes were a balm for a lonely soul like his.

"Expectations shouldn't be created on the subject, but is this your way to tell me I'm forgiven?"

"It's a way of saying that you are going on the right way."

Audrey changes the angle of the neck and a long moment the hesitation extends. He wants to break the short distance between the two, but he waits. They share the same breath for an instant and she kisses him softly with parted lips.

Siegfried never wanted free time so much. He could spend the whole morning standing there, with his bag in hand and she next to him, but he could only hope that every morning would start like this.

"This is a much better way to send me away." He places two pecks on her lips.

"Thought you would appreciate it." Audrey smiles warmly.

"Is there any chance that we can continue this later?" He asks, more curious about her reaction than her answer.

"We’ll see." She says unpretentiously, but her eyes have a subtle sparkle.

"Better be going then." And with one last kiss he forces himself to let her go and leaves the house for another long day at work.

* * *

The morning went smoothly for Audrey and in the afternoon, with Jenny Alderson, she removed all the Christmas decorations from the closet. Together they went out looking for a Christmas tree and everything couldn't look better.

  
"Christmas is for small children. I don't know why people get so excited about it." Jenny grunted and on another occasion that would have elicited a laugh from Audrey, but at that moment she was distracted.

Some people looked at her differently. Others treated her with the same courtesy as always, and there was a small group that simply turned their heads when they saw her, especially her 'friends' from the church. She had become an outcast overnight and she knew exactly why.

This is not fair! She thought indignantly. Those people knew her and knew her character. How could they change their minds about her so suddenly and for something so small? It wasn't like she was seen with a married man, after all. They were both single and free people. But he is my employer and we share the same roof, she thought.

"Aunt Audrey?" Jenny called ehr. "Aunt Audrey?" The second time her attention turns to the girl. 

"What is it, love?" 

"What about that one?" Jenny points to one of the trees at the bottom of the pen.

The size is good and the branches look firm. It was a good choice. 

"That one is good." She smiles briefly at the girl and then turns to the seller. "We’ll have that one."

Back at Skeldale House, things remained strange.

The phone rang several times, but when she answered the call it was ended. It was impossible for her not to start to feel restless.

It had been a serious mistake. Not the date itself, not even the fact that it happened at the fair, where everyone knew them, but they shouldn't have given in to the temptation of the moment. A feeling of guilt was building in her stomach. That sort of people's attitude would bring problems for both of them, especially to the clinic if people refused to talk to her or them.

Jenny didn't notice Audrey's restlessness and ended up having fun with the Christmas ornaments, especially when Jess decided to investigate the tree more closely. Between the girl and the dog Audrey managed to distract herself for a while from ther worries. 

“I heard some interesting comments today. It is true?" Helen asked hours later, when she came to fetch her sister and they shared a cup of tea in the kitchen while the girl ran with Jess in the backyard. 

"It depends on what you heard." Audrey leaves the cup of tea and joins hands. Sooner or later she'll have to start answering those questions. At least the first time would be with someone friendly. 

"Among the many things that you and Siegfried are together." Helen comments cautiously. 

"It's not a lie." 

"So you guys were really exchanging kisses at the fair?" The lass's question sounds cheerful. 

Audrey tries not to smile, but fails miserably and her cheeks turn red. Helen laughs happily. 

“This is great! It was about time to happen. I'm very happy for you!" 

"You seem to be one of the few people, Helen." 

The lass looks at her fondly and puts her hand over hers. “I don't think it's true. People will get used to the idea.”

"My concern is what may happen until then." 

"Nothing that Siegfried cannot solve." Helen says it for sure and her comment brings relief to Audrey. Yes, she is right, this is the kind of challenge that stimulates him.

"Is the wedding part true?" Helen teases. 

"Not that I drank too much that night, but if it is I don't remember." Audrey responds laughing.

It's nice to have another woman to talk to and suddenly she thinks of Dorothy. Her friend would be happy and certainly quite surprised by the unexpected news. Even more so now that apparently she had become the city gossip. The sinner. 

"Speaking of marriage," Audrey begins with curiosity, "How are the preparations going?" 

Helen immediately becomes more serious and introspective and Audrey regrets the question. 

"Almost all ready, finally." Her answer is impassive. Helen concentrates on her cup of tea after taking a sip. 

"You don't look very excited to me." 

"I think I'm tired." Helen sighs. "I didn't expect organizing a wedding would to be such an exhausting task." 

"That's true." Yes, indeed it was, but while it was an exhausting task it was also an emotional one and Audrey had the impression that Helen did not feel it. "If you want to talk, I'm here." 

"I know, Mrs. H and I am also here if I need someone to talk to."

* * *

Later that night, Siegfried tries to occupy James, but the boy decides to retire shortly after dinner, giving him a brief but significant smile. The fact that James left them alone is appreciated by Siegfried, but he feels sympathetic to his colleague's pain and wishes he could do more for him.

When they switch from the dining room to the living room, Siegfried serves them two drinks and they sit in the armchairs, while Jess slept peacefully on the couch. It was ironic. In the past few months the dog had left their company for James and now there she was, taking care of them, as if she sensed the change between them. He wondered who was guarding it after all. 

Siegfried listens as Audrey tells him the day's events. She looks more angry than anxiour about it and he leaves aside Sharpe's comment made as soon as he saw him in the morning. _"Finally the woman managed to tie the bow on you!"_ Siegfried's look had been enough to shut him up, but he couldn't resist and replied: _"To be honest and truthful about it, it was quite the opposite."_

“We have lived in the same house for two years, how can we be frowned upon by people? It is nothing new.” 

“This is the fact that has made us sinners since we started kissing in public. If we lived in different places, people would still comment on it, but we would not be frowned upon.”

“This is preposterous. If only we were still living alone they could think what they wanted from our relationship, but with James and Tristan living here? What do people think? That we are living a married life outside the marriage bond?” 

In the minds of some people, especially the womens from church, he risked thinking, they had been devouring each other in every moment of privacy for the past two years.

“I wouldn't be surprised if they soon started to question whether we hadn't been in a relationship for a long time. And the truth is not exactly that, but it is close.” Only after the words are spoken she seems to understand the duality of its meaning. They had already agreed that they behaved like a married couple, that was what she meant. 

"Is it?" He asks in a velvety voice, his eyebrows raised and his eyes bright. Siegfried was referring to the second meaning, as if their situation would change to the point that they would have a full married life soon.

She gives him a scolding look. "Don't change the subject, you understand what I mean." 

"Very well!" Siegfried sinks into the chair and stretches his legs in front of him “People can think whatever they want. We will continue to live together, so there is nothing we can do about it. Are you concerned about this situation?”

"I am concerned about what this could bring to the clinic." She responds with sincerity and although he knows her very well and knows that she always cares more about others than about herself, it touches him. Siegfried covers her left hand with his and her fingers intertwine. 

"Don't worry about it. You know how people here always act the same way. Maybe they don't want to be attended by me or don't want to talk to you on the phone for a while, but it will pass. They will come around. It is exactly the same situation that James faced when he had to put Andante down.”

"Are you comparing us to a horse, Siegfried Farnon?" Audrey wilden her eyes in a mixture of surprise and horror. 

“I am comparing people's feelings towards us. And maybe not all people really care about that. James' situation was worse because it involved work, ours is a matter of a personal nature. I don't think it will influence the clinic. However, it is influencing how some people see and treat it. And honestly that worries me.” The last sentence comes out low, in a soft tone. His thumb gently strokes hers. 

"I know how to defend myself very well, thank you." Audrey says one with a small defiant smile.

Poor idiot who tried anything against her, he thought and smiled. She was a strong woman.

"I have no doubts about that, but it doesn't mean that the situation pleases me, my darling."

Audrey smiles and lowers her head for a moment. Her cheeks are red and he turns in his armchair to look her in the face. She looks genuinely ashamed, as if having someone worrying about her is a reason for that. In these moments that he notices the weaknesses that she hides most of the time.

Siegfried pulls their joined hands close to him and kisses her hand. He expects her to get used to his concern and care.

"You are a sweet man when you want to."

"You haven't see anything yet."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! How are you?  
> I’m re-rating this fanfic for obvious reasons. We are not there it, but we’ll be soon. Things will start to change more for Siegfried and Audrey.  
> Hope you’re still enjoying and thank you for your support <3

It's funny how some people behave. In those last days, Audrey and Siegfried received the most varied expressions of support dan rejection of their new situation, although the situation has not yet been specifically classified by both. What were they after all? For a portion of Darrowby's society they were sinners, for Audrey they were together, simple like that. Siegfried, on the other hand, liked “crime partners” more, as it made a good mocking allusion at the porcion of people that considered them sinners.

They remained faithful to the decision to ignore people's behavior.

The phone had still ringing incessantly and the calls were closed numerous times if some of them answered before the caller finally gave up and asked for help. To solve this problem Siegfried made an exceptional small change in the division of work. James would stay in the clinic and consequently be in charge of the phone when possible, while he would take care of the runs.

No one he visited dared to dismiss him, even when they reluctantly accepted his presence. You see, for these people Siegfried had become a liar. All those years living alone, staying true to the memory of the deceased wife had become a front to hide an affair with the housekeeper.

Other people believed, in turn, that the sympathetic and empathetic Mrs. Hall was no longer a decent woman. First, they had revealed her divorced status, which had been a huge concession. You must know, divorces were frowned upon, but the fact that she was a woman of chaste appearance and behavior had helped her to be well regarded. That and the fact that she still wears her wedding ring. Now, exchanging kisses in front of everyone with the man who employed her and with whom she shared the same roof was unacceptable.

On the other hand, people who did not objected to the idea of them being together expressed a variety of "It was about time.", "Finally!" or "Why did you take so long?", making both Siegfried and Audrey blush slightly and smile.

At home, the challenges were different. While they went out of their way to keep James as busy as possible, the boy tried, without much success, to dodge from them so they could have time for themselves.

Having privacy was proving to be both a blessing and a torment. It seemed that things were progressing too fast. It was very natural for them to curl up in a hug, hold hands and exchange small caresses as if this were something they had been doing for years, not days. When she stopped to really think about it, Audrey realized that it would soon be three years since they shared the same roof and it was a time to take into account in their relationship. That's why she didn't feel so guilty about cuddling up next to him on the couch.

However, the guilt did not disappear completely when his mouth found hers and their hands roamed each others bodies causing sensations, even if without exceeding any respectful limit (which was becoming a real ordeal, it should be mentioned).

One of those nights, after returning from Drovers with James they found themselves alone in the room. Another new ritual for the countless ones they had built over the years. Between a comment about the night and another their bodies entwined in a hug and their lips met without difficulty for a moment before Siegfried devoted himself to exploring her neck with small kisses.

Audrey swallowed a sigh, brushing her nails on his scalp absently in a subtle incentive for him to continue. Pressing her against him and with his right hand on the back of Audrey's knee, Siegfried continued his careful exploration, which was rewarded when he found a sensitive spot to dedicate himself to. Audrey purred, feeling a shiver run through her body and long-forgotten sensations returning in the most hidden corners of her body.

Siegfried had a silly smile dancing on his lips when he pulled away and saw Audrey's face flushed.

So the days passed.

* * *

**_December 18, 1937._ **

“What a dreadful day to get married.” Siegfried comments when he and Audrey settle in the rover, after leaving a desolate James sitting in one of the armchairs with the radio on and Jess for company. “Who gets married in the Christmas anyway? Shouldn’t weedings happen on spring? ” His comment makes her take a deep breath.

“Weddings happen during all year, Siegfried.”

“Even at Christmas?”

“We are going at one at Christmas, aren't we? I suppose this answer your question.”

Her comment silences him for a minute while he concentrates on driving around town. People come and go everywhere, despite the biting wind.

“It's uncomfortably cold. I'm sure Darrowby will be covered in snow by tomorrow. ” He continues to complain, because in fact it is too cold, even with the hood of the car closed. "Aren’t you cold, my darling?" Siegfried reaches his left hand towards her, with the gloves he doesn't know if she is cold or not, but the thin stockings she's wearing let the pallor of her calves be seen.

“Nothing I cannot handle for a couple of hours. Let’s hope Father Tom won’t stretch the ceremony too much.”

“You shouldn’t be hopeful, he loves to be wordy at these occasions. At Evelyn’s wake I almost…” Siegfried starts without thinking, but then realizes that he is about to talk about Evelyn and stops. That is not a topic they talk about and it would be strange to talk about her with Audrey. Women never liked it when a man talked about previously relationships.

"You almost?" She asks encouragingly. From the corner of his eye, he sees that she is looking at him intently. Siegfried had forgot that she is not like all women.

“I almost told him to shut up. All I wanted to do was end that moment and he couldn't stop talking.” He responds in a low, subdued tone.

"What stopped you?"

"Tristan." Siegfried doesn't elaborate, but he can still see the desolation on his brother's young face. In a decade, despite his young age, Tristan had lost three of the people he loved most, and that day, sitting next to him, he looked just as hurt and lost as Siegfried. Perhaps even more, since he did not hide the tears that dripped from his eyes and rolled freely down his cheecks.

Audrey nods in understanding.

“Did he marry you and Evelyn? Father Tom, I mean. "

"He did and that was another never-ending ceremony." The sarcastic comment makes Audrey laugh and he relaxes, feeling more confident to continue. "He was much younger back then, but prolix the same. He got really mad at Tristan, well, I did too. Can you imagine Evelyn picked him to carry the rings? Tristan was about ten at the time. My father was getting weak, nobody could control him so he was at his worst behavior and he stood at the altar with us during the vows swinging on his heels. Back and forth. Back and forth. I never wished he would fall so badly.”

“Silly boy!” Audrey laughs and he knows that she can imagine a scene perfectly. It's not that bad, he notes, sharing those kind of memories with her. Not even painful.

“Evelyn couldn't stop laughing. Everybody laughed, but the priest and myself."

“I would never picture you would be mad at him.” She says sarcastically, squeezing his hand comfortably. "Were they close?"

“Evelyn and Tristan?”

“Yes.”

“They were like siblings. Shouting, laughing and playing all the time, they could never stop once they’ve started.” Countless other memories become clear as water in Siegfried's mind, but he has said enough. Tristan's relationship with Evelyn was totally different from what he had with Audrey. Although they both pampered him, Audrey was motherly with him, something Evelyn never did for lack of experience."

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking about this.”

“Don’t be. I’m glad you’re finally talking to me about her.”

Siegfried finds a spot a few meters from the church and parks. The silence between the two is comfortable, so when he turns off the car, he turns to look at her directly.

Although she seems essentially the same Siegfried notes that Audrey has been gaining more color day by day while allowing herself to be vain. The beautiful dress hidden over her coat had aroused on him old unsettling sensations, her loose, curly hair seemed to beg for his fingers and her pink lips cried out for a kiss.

In his heart Siegfried hoped she was making these changes for herself. He wanted, more than anything, for her to see herself the way he saw her, and if she needed female artifices for that, so be it.

“You can talk to me about... You know.”

“Maybe some other time.” From her tone of voice Siegfried knows that she is not going to talk about her marriage, at least not anytime soon. “We have some dragons to fight right now. Come on.” Audrey smiles briefly before getting out of the car.

* * *

The changes in Siegfried are always extreme. One minute he was restrained talking about old memories and the next he was walking with his chest puffed, arm in arm with her, in a show of unshakable confidence that discouraged people from completely opposing him.

They walked along the corridor like the couple they were now, until they found an empty bench in the middle of the church.

“This looks nice.” Audrey looks around the decor for a moment. Arrangements of lilies adorn the benches and the sides of the church, with cream satin ribbons keeping the arrangements together with delicate bows. The people around her are all dressed up, wearing the best clother under their coats and she greets herself in thought for choosing the satin fabric and the model she saw in last month's magazine. If it had pleased Siegfried he would certainly be noticed by the others.

“It does but I’m glad James decided to stay at home. No one should go thru a situation like that.”

“Helen will notice.”

“We can say he had to answer an emergency.”

“Very well.”

Still looking around she notices Jenny with a flaming face looking around. When their eyes meet, the girl runs towards her.

“Finally! I’ve been looking for you two everywhere.” Jenny's bad mood is evident from the tone of her voice and the grimace she makes, which melts under Siegfried's inquisitive gaze. This was news to Audrey. Jenny looks embarrassed and leans towards her. "Aunt Audrey, can you come with me?” The girl whispers in her ear.

“Something happened, love?”

“Your Helen wants to talk with you.”

Audrey nods in response to the girl and turns to Siegfried.

“I’ll be right back.”

His inquisitive look at her doesn't have the same effect on her.

She quickly leaves hand in hand with Jenny and crosses the church to the sacristy, where Helen is pacing.

“Oh, dear God! You look beautiful.” She says unable to contain herself. She had never seen a bride more graceful than Helen, the dress was beautiful and delicate, it suited her. Everything would be perfect, if it weren't for the dread on her face. “What's going on, Helen?"

"You told me a few times that you would be here if I needed to talk." Helen says and Audrey nods. "And right now, I need to talk to someone more than ever."

"Alright."

Jenny tries to go unnoticed, but a hard look from her sister is enough for her to leave and close the door behind her.

"Mrs. Hall, I don't know if I want to get married anymore. ” Helen says hastily. "I've been so busy organizing the wedding and taking care of the farm that I didn't stop to think about what I'm about to do until last night and I'm not sure that's what I want for my life."

Audrey opens her mouth to say something, but closes it immediately. What to say? Any advice she gives can have a disastrous consequence, be it for Helen or for Hugh. Besides, there is James and she can't help thinking about him right now. It seems that the impossible and improbable is happening right now and he is at home suffering.

“I always believed that my life would be this. That one day I would marry Hugh and we would be happy together, but now I don't know anymore, I...” Helen hesitates and her lips curve in a sad smile. "I don't know if I want to have this life with him."

At that moment Helen needed a mother, not her. As much as she loved her and those boys she had at home, she could not be a mother to everyone and yet, she found herself with no choice.

"I can't even imagine what you're going through, love, and there's only one thing I can say to you right now, however frustrating it may be." Helen looks at her closely, waiting. "You need to follow your heart." Helen nods firmly. "What does it say?"

"It says I should cancel the wedding and run out of here."

"So here's your answer." She says simply and Helen, still nodding, hugs her tightly.

"Thank you." Helen says filled with relief.

* * *

Siegfried checks the clock. It has been 15 minutes since Audrey got up and no matter how much he looks over his shoulder at the back of the church, he cannot find her anywhere. As he wonders what's going on, he notice the people around him. Some give him crossed looks, several smile and he returns each reaction in the same coin.

At the altar he sees Hugh restless, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and walking back and forth from time to time. That is a moment that Siegfried does not envy. This waiting is endless and distressing, despite preceding a single moment in the life of a couple. And yet part of him hopes to be able to relive that moment soon. Contradictory, he knows.

Following this path is right and natural, although he imagines that it will take some time to actually happen.

He is distracted by his own thoughts when Audrey finally slides down the bench to sit next to him and puts her arm around his, nestling on his side in search of warmth. The others could look if they want to, he said to himself.

"God, you're freezing." Siegfried said as his hand rubbed her cold knees.

"Why do you have this maniac smile on your lips, Audrey?" He asked, suspiciously.

She smiles brightly for a brief moment and presses her lips together to contain herself, making him just more curious.

"Just wait and see, love."

Five minutes later a new topic had emerged to be the gossip of the moment. Twenty minutes later James started to cry with relief when he heard the news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you still enjoying this story?


	10. Chapter 10

**_December 20, 1937_ **

"More to the left." Audrey order with practicality. Giving orders is natural to her.

"Here?"

"A little bit more. Now it was too much! Go back to the right.”

"And now?"

“Now a little bit upwards. That's it, right ther!. ” Audrey sighs with satisfaction. He had found the exact place.

Siegfried looks at her and smiles smugly.

"Hand me the tape." He reaches out and takes the pieces of tape from her fingers that she cut a few minutes earlier to secure the decoration.

"It looks great, but something is still missing." Audrey smiles excitedly, standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips as she admires the “Merry Christmas” message in bright letters pinned exactly where she wanted it. Without a doubt this would be a happy Christmas.

"Here." She extends a branch of mistletoe to him. "Farten it to that hookTristan left from last year."

"I've told you to wait for Tristan, he could do this." Siegfried complains despite not being as frustrated as he normally would be.

“What’s the point to do something tomorrow if we can do it today? At least it's one thing crossed from the chore list.” Audrey looks at him seriously, arms crossed.

"It is very easy to say that kind of thing when someone else does the task." The comment makes Audrey want to roll her eyes, but she doesn't because at least he is just complaining and not all tense as he was an hour before "Can I go down now?"

"Yes." She responds and watches him carefully descend the stairs.

The fact was, Siegfried had been anxious for the past two days waiting for Tristan's return. Whether or not his brother had qualified would have been a constant pressure on him, but in those last few days it had reached the critical point. After scream to everyone, including some of the clients, he had isolated himself in his office, all sulky and gloomy. He needed an occupation to get his thoughts off the wait and Audrey had something in hand that would work well, so there they were.

Every year at Skeldale House hosted a Christmas party and that year would be no different. Siegfried was excited about the party, but Audrey was in charge of the organization, decoration and food. Tristan used to help with the decor, but without him there the responsibility had remained entirely with her until then.

"You are getting more and more annoying." She teases him, just for the sake of it, narrowing her eyes.

Siegfried stood in front of her, burried his hands in his pants pockets and shrugs. "And yet you seem to be rather fond of me."

"We all have our failings." Her sarcasm makes him smile a little.

"Indeed." He glances at the clock over the fireplace.

Audrey instinctively did the same. It was five-fifteen in the afternoon, so they must be arriving soon, if the road is not covered with snow. She asks the skies not to, that the boys arrive in a short time and the doubt is over for good, or bad.

Outside the snow seems to be determined to fall all at once. Since the night of Helen's almost wedding and the snow had been falling steadily and although in small quantities, it had painted the whole town white. It would be a cold, typical Christmas and she hoped to spend the next few nights, if she was lucky, curled up on the couch and warming up in the warmth of his arms. Not that she was going to tell him that and make his natural ego even more inflamed.

Still, Audrey put her hand on his arm, attracting Siegfried's attention. He wants Tristan so badly to finish his studies that hurts, she knows that, and even she is not enough distraction to completely get his brother out of his head. 

"They'll be here soon." 

Sigfried nods. “I just hope that this time he won't tell any lies. Tristan should know by now how to deal with his own choices and take care of his oun mistakes.”

“I don't think he'll try to do that again. Just try to keep yourself calm and be patient if... Well... If he didn't make it.” She tries to smile, but hates to see him like that, discouraged and lost. The truth is that neither of them knows what else to do to help Tristan other than what they have done in recent months. Perhaps that was what he needed, to be thrown into the reality of work, but had the past few months been long enough? She hoped so.

Siegfried says nothing. He had overcome the anger, the tantrums and the screams. He pulls her close for a hug. Audrey lets herself be involved and suppresses a sigh when his lips gently touch her forehead. At least, she tells herself, now he doesn't have to go through all the tension alone. 

“There's a good thing about Tristan's return. With him here and now that James is not so depressed we will finally be able to go out and have more time for ourselves. ” Siegfried's sly look does not go unnoticed and she laughs softly. 

"I don't think we're going to be able to go to many places with this weather." 

“Where's your faith, woman? At some point the snow will stop and I have a list of places I want to take you.” He leans over and Audrey can't help but shiver when his beard rubs against his ear. “You and me spending an afternoon alone in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to worry about." He said slowly, his words loaded with thousant of meanings."It's a good thing to look forward to.”

"We are full of ideas, aren't we? Hope you keep in mind I'm a respectful and religious woman."

"We all have dreams." He tries to sound innocent, but his eyes give a very clear idea of his thoughts and she feels a flush rise from the inside out in her body. That was the kind of idea she tried to keep out of her mind most of the time, but she failed miserably when he was that close. His lips brush against hers in a soft, promise-filled kiss. 

"That’s not something I expected to see so soon." 

They were startled and let go of each other so quickly that they almost jumped away. It was one thing for people to know, it was another to be caught like that, even more so by Tristan and James. Siegfried's face immediately frowns, but Audrey can't help but smile when she sees the boy. 

"Tris, you're home!" 

"At least you're happy to see me, Mrs. H." He smiles before receiving a warm hug. 

Siegfried gives his brother a pointed look and turns to James. "How was the road?" He asks.

"Not as bad as I imagined, but there is a lot of snow accumulated in the fields." 

"And it will only get worse in the next few days." 

"Come on, we were waiting for you and James to have tea." Audrey takes Tristan by the hand and pulls him into the dining room where the table is set.

* * *

"So..." Tristan starts, excitedly. "Let's get to the subject we are avoiding." Siegfried looks at his brother suspiciously.After years of waiting for a definitive answer and having been duped, any extra second of waiting has been an exercise in patience that he has until then found himself unable to exercise. "So, James told me that the two of you came out for everyone while I was gone." Tristan's animation irritates Siegfried.

"This is none of your business."

"It's the business of the whole town, so it's definitely mine."

"Did you finishe college?" Siegfried asks directly, putting the tea aside. 

"First," Tristan turns to Audrey, with a huge, bright smile. She looks at the boy with that hopeful and expectant glance that she keeps exclusively to him and Siegfried hoped he could not yell if Tristan disappointed them again. The tension in Siegfried only increases. “I need to thank you, Mrs. H. That day that you made me work at the clinic alone really got me out of the hole. I got three questions out of one of the tests just because of those calls.” 

"This is good news!" She smiles and squeezes the boy's arm in a loving gesture.

"After all, did you finally qualify or not?" Siegfried insists and his brother looks at him for a long moment, but strangely he does not look at him either with challenge or fear. 

Serene, Tristan extends an envelope to Siegfried. "See for yourself." He gives a brief smile and goes back to eating. 

Siegfried takes the envelope like a bomb. Carefully he slides out two pieces of paper, Tristan's report card and a university statement informing Tristan Farnon's full qualification for the practice of veterinary medicine.

It's a bloody miracle, it can only be. Or maybe a dream. Yes, a dream makes perfect sense. His brother finally graduated, he and Audrey... At some point he was going to wake up and find that he was still dreaming about the end of his worries and loneliness. 

"This is terribly anticlimactic." Audrey complains staring at him. "Let me see." She pulled the letter out of his hand, which offered no resistance. 

Siegfried watches her eyes run over the lines quickly. James grinned, he already knew. If Herriot was happy and excited about it, it was true. The two had become terribly close in the past months and accomplices in a number of situations. If it were a deception, Herriot would not be able to disguise.

"Congratulations, Tris!" Audrey hugs him tight.

"If I knew that what you needed to do a good job was pressure, I would have done it sooner." Siegfried fires, leaning back in his chair and feeling absolutely relaxed and satisfied. Happy, yes he is happy. Mission accomplished, Dad. 

"Siegfried!" Audrey scolds him. 

He should have been congratulating his brother, but he's done it before and doesn't intend to repeat it.

"It is the truth. It could have saved me a lot of time and money.”

“I'm glad you're satisfied, big brother. Speaking of money...” Tristan starts, but before he can go on and ask for more money, Siegfried interrupts him. 

"Tomorrow you are going to start on the runs with me."

"Isn't it James who do the runs?" Tristan looks from his friend to Audrey with apprehension. For this he did not expect. 

“We switched for a while, Tris. Only until tempers calm down.” James explains with an embarrassed smile. 

Tristan nods and thinks for a moment then turns back to Siegfried. "Jim told me what happened at Helen's wedding, I'm sure the topic of gossip has changed at this point" 

"Yes, but people are still being rude with Audrey." 

“You're being overdone and I think Tristan and James are going to do a great job together. You remember Strawberry, I suppose.” Audrey looks at him, her glance is significant. She is right, but he does not intend to give in so easily. 

"Yes, I remember and it was risky."

"That had a great result." She continues with that insistent look, even though her words are patient, almost, almost sweet. "You know as well as I do that people will continue to act like that for a while and you've been around enough this past week." Perhaps too much, since he ended up being more sour than necessary with several people. "And with them doing the runs you can stay at home with me." 

Low blow! Siegfried studies her for a long moment. The attempt at manipulation is as clear as water and the boys exchange a smile full of complicity. She always conducted him the way she wanted, but she used to be more subtle. He finds it funny, but know that from then on he was lost. There would be nothing he wouldn't do as she wanted. "Seeing from this angle the ideia is not completely out of place." He says, as if the line of thought makes sense and not as if he is giving in to her.

"I think you can do the runs together tomorrow and we will be interchanging from now on, just until people forget." 

Tristan was immediately relieved and opened his mouth to say something. From his expression Siegfried can imagine that it would be some comment with a joke about the situation, but Herriot goes ahead. 

"Great! We have a lot of work ahead of us, Tris. Mr. Dinsdale is having some problems with the pigs and in the cold...” 

"Pigs?" Tristan echoes with a frown.

Their conversation was lost as a background noise when her hand found his on the table. Siegfried sees Audrey's smile and breathes relieved, really relieved, for the first time in a long time. He had forgotten what it was like to have no real worries.

* * *

**_ December 23, 1937 _ **

When the doorbell rang, she was the first to get up from the table. Jim, Tris and Siegfried had engaged in a theoretical discussion about treatments for pigs, the only thing she could understand was that Tristan seemed to have learned even more than any of them had imagined.

Jess ran with her down the hall, barking excitedly at the sound of the doorbell. The dog is not the only one excited for Christmas. The house is already in the Christmas mood and despite the amount of things she had to do, Audrey couldn't wait to be able to enjoy the holiday in the company of Siegfried and the boys. 

"Quiet down, Jess." She commands and the dog stops barking, but stayed close to her heel wagging the tail.

The icy breeze hits her when she opens the door and she shrinks. On the doorstep, Joan wears a heavy coat, boots and a hat on her head, but her red nose seems to suggest a cold. With a smile she hands Audrey some envelopes.

Back in the hall she checks the envelopes and even in the dim light she recognizes Edward's hasty handwriting. Without reaction she looks at her name written in her son's handwriting for a long time. So long she waited for news, so many times she wrote without getting an answer and now she finally had news of him at hand and it felt like taking a cold shower in the middle of winter. 

From the back of the house the noise of conversation is faint, but she enters the living room in search of tranquility and light from the window. Her fingers tremble when she carefully opens the envelope and Jess cranes her neck to sniff out what she has in hand: a Christmas card.

_ "Mother,  _

_ I've had a few setbacks in the past few months, but I'm finally  reestablished myself and have some news. _

_ Funny how life holds surprises. _

_ I hope to see you soon so we can talk.  _

_ I hope this card finds you well.  _

_ Merry Christmas. _

_ Edward.”  _

Always short with words. She turns the envelope over and sees the address. Darlington. He's less than an hour away. 

Involuntary tears escape her eyes and she sighs. Audrey wanted nothing more in life than to be close to her son. They were so close when he was young and now they spent months without even exchanging correspondence.

Jess lays her head on Audrey's knees and she strokes the dog's head lovingly, sniffling. 

Siegfried's excited whistle came from the hall. "Audrey?" He called, looking for her. 

She gets up and takes a deep breath as she wipes her face with the back of her left hand. He doesn't need to see her like this, she decides. When he stops beside her Audrey gives him a nervous smile and without saying anything holds out the card for him to read.

“Another Christmas miracle. God is being generous to us this year.”  He says lightly before turning his attention back to her, who lowers her head. 

"I keep wondering what setbacks he went through." Another thing she wonders about is how her son will react when he learns about her and Siegfried, but she doesn't comment on it, nor does she need to. By the look of Siegfried she sees that he is asking himself the same question. 

“Whatever it was, he seems positive about it. Maybe his life is finally getting on track.” He smiles encouragingly and reaches for her hand. 

Audrey nods, "Edward finding his way and Tristan graduating... Wouldn't it be too many miracles all at once?" She tries to sound amused and she wants to believe it, almost desperately, but her smile is sad and she has her doubts. Siegfried strokes her hand.

"I think it is finally our turn to have some peace of mind." He says and she once again wants to believe his words. "Are you going to write to him?" 

Audrey nods again as she replies, "Yes, I will invite him to come here if he wants to." 

"Do this, I'll take the letter to the post office." Siegfried said. She lets out a sigh as she starts to think about her answer. “He came to you willingly, to hear from him was something that you wanted for a long time. Wait a while before you get carried away by worry.” 

"As if you did that." She said with irony and he smiled.

“I am not the most stable or balanced person, I can recognize that for you, but know I will absolutely deny it if I tell anyone. You, however, my darling, are not like that. So, try to enjoy this moment.”

He's right and pushing Edward away from her thoughts was something she had, unfortunately, learned to do well over time. For now she had Christmas ahead of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming next – Christmas smut or something close to it. lol


	11. Chapter 11

December 24, 1937

"Is this your lunch?" Siegfried put a piece of bread in his mouth and turned to his brother. "How depressing." Tristan sat across from him at the dinner table and immediately started to spread pate on a slice of bread for himself.

“With the party preparations, there was no time for lunch and you know how she is with her cooking. She takes the preparation of Christmas Dinner too seriously. I thought maybe this time she would let me get something, but she banished me from the kitchen, again.”

Skeldale House had dawned with an incredible, succulent smell that got everyone out of bed early in the morning, to find themselves with a ready breakfast on the plates with the guidance to eat and leave the kitchen as soon as possible.

Watching her, despite his low head, Siegfried saw Audrey walking back and forth, picking up dishes, mixing ingredients and stirring the pots on the stove. For someone with zero culinary knowledge, all those processes being performed at the same time was comparable to magic. He wished to know a little more than boiling water and heating food in order to help with anything. It would be nice to be able to spend the day doing things together, just enjoying each other's company, especially when free days were a rarity.

None of them dared to upset her and they ate in silent speed. James said he would spend the day with Aldersons and be back in time to get ready for the party. 

"Well, if it's any consolation, she never let me taste anything before the right time either." Tristan commented before biting his bread. 

They ate in silence. Audrey should be able to enjoy the holidays more. Only now  he understood how inopportune his party ideas turn out to be for her. Well, maybe with some adjustments the parties could be better organized and she had time to rest and enjoy. His thoughts were lost when Tristan took a small gift box out of his pocket and placed it on the table. 

"What is this, little brother?" Siegfried asked suspiciously. Was Tristan giving him a gift? But it was still Christmas Eve and usually his gifts were some kind of replacement. The previous year it had been a bottle of his good whiskey, to replace the one he had drunk.

“My Christmas present for Maggie. Take a look and tell me what you think.”

Inside the box, two hairpins with bright stones sparkled in contact with the light. 

"Did you choose yourself?" Siegfried asked, incredulously.

"Of course I did. Why?" Tristan replied, apprehensive.

“You had good taste. I think Margareth will like it.” It was not too intimate or too casual a gift. It showed that Tristan had paid attention to her tastes and was concerned with choosing something suitable. Apparently his little brother had really found a path. "Christmas gifts and expectations... Should I understand you are finally together?" 

"Not exactly." Tristan's stance withered a little. "Women can be terribly resentful when we make mistakes, but we are progressing a little more each day." Over time Tristan will understand that it is not a grudge, that this is the way women sometimes use to discipline their men. "She's a wonderful girl, big brother. I wish I hadn't been such a fool."

“A lesson learned. Next time, you'll think a little more before you make the same mistake.”

Tristan nods and they eat in silence for a while. 

"You bought something for Mrs. H I presume."

"Yes, I did." Siegfried did not want to go into details. In fact, he hoped to be able to give his gift at a more reserved moment, without the boys.

"And?" Tristan insists. 

"What?" He tries to disguise it.

Tristan rolls his eyes. "What did you buy, why?" 

“Nothing much. I came across something that I thought would be the perfect gift, but then I remembered how it looked last year and I thought it best to avoid an argument this Christmas. ”

Siegfried had gone to get the buttoners he ordered to give as a gift to his brother and saw a beautiful pair of pearl earrings. Nothing fancy, just a delicate pearl in each earring, that would go perfectly with Audrey. But he knew she would absolutely refuse to accept and was now hidden in the bottom of his desk drawer. 

"She was really furious!" Tristan laughed as he remembered how offended she had been the year before. The memory was not that funny for Siegfried. “Maybe she was expecting something more personal than a bonus, big brother. Have you thought about it?" 

Tristan's comment surprised him. Had she been offended because she expected more from him? His intention was for her to buy something good for herself with the bonus, something she wanted.

"To be honest, no." Since when did she... The thought had barely begun to form and was interrupted by Tristan. 

"Well, I wouldn't risk asking her about it." Taking the matter over, he insisted again. "So, are you going to tell me or are you going to be secretive about the gift?" 

"Weel, it's silly!" Siegfried sighed and leaned back heavily. "I bought her warm socks." Saying it aloud, the gift sounded awful. Maybe he should give her the earring aswell. 

"You bought ger socks for Christmas?" Tristan was stunned. “Siegfried, what did you go through to buy something so absolutely dull? My gift is certainly a lot more attractive than yours.” 

"Audrey will understand." He hoped at least. That night, on James' birthday, she had asked if he could buy her socks to keep her feet warm. The present was a temporary solution, he wanted to be able to warm their feet personally in the not-too-distant future and hoped to make that implicit. Not as a suggestion, but as a promise?By next winter he hoped that their situation had become definitive, so to speak. "What did you buy for her?"

"Oh, so does it have a meaning?" A malicious giggle appears on Tristan's lips. "Even so, it can't be just that!"

"But it will be. Audrey is absolutely different from...” Siegfried swallows and is silent for a few seconds. Tristan for the first time doesn't look at him with pity, that's a relief. He is not in the habit of bringing Evelyn as a topic in conversation even with his brother. "She liked the big gestures." 

"Without a doubt, she liked to be pampered." Tristan smiles, as if remembering Evelyn laughing at the silly grand gifts Siegfried used to give her for birthdays and Christmas. "Maybe Mrs. H just doesn't know how to handle it." He says at last. 

Tristan's words made sense. Perhaps Audrey did not take well what she thought was too much because she had never been pampered by anyone before.

* * *

After a long day Audrey was finally done. The food for the party was ready and the supper for the next day almost finished. Just another half hour of oven and it would be ready. She could spend Christmas Day with her feet up, eating and resting in the company of her three boys. The thought brought a silly little smile to her lips. None of them were really boys, but in one way or another they had become hers and her theirs. Her family, or part of it. 

After half an hour in the bath, she felt refreshed and ready to get ready for the night. On her dressing table's mirror Father Christmas waved at her from Edward's card. Audrey hoped her son would also be happy. Forty minutes later she was ready and Siegfried looked at her in surprise and admiration when she came into the room in her best dress and with the loose hair that she rarely wore. 

They went to mass hand in hand and at that moment the house was full of people walking around, laughing and talking, giving warm hugs and helping themselves to food and drink. It was a relief for her to see that most of their closest friends did not bother at all with the idea of her and Siegfried being together, on the contrary.

Surrounded by friends, he talked cheerfully, laughing and drinking. Among the other men, with is left hand tucked into his coat pocket, she saw him stand out in distinction. Siegfried Farnon was a good and handsome man. But what caught her attention the most that night was the fact that his eyes were constantly searching for her.

At first Audrey raised her eyebrows in question at him, but Siegfried just smiled. She then understood that he was not trying to communicate, he was just looking at her and it made her smile embarrassed. Having his gaze on her so constantly was unsettling in a way that didn't bother. It was different. It was something she couldn't ignore, close to the sensation of something sliding through her skin. Unsettling and... exciting.

While talking and laughing with the other women about the amenities of the holidays, Audrey watched James and Helen. They seemed to be in good spirits and excited in each other's company. A hand against her lower back brought her back to the conversation and she saw Siegfried finally standing beside her.

"Can I steal her from you for a minute?" He asked the ladies with a gallant smile.

Nobody contested it. The ladies agreed smilingly and kept talking to each other when they walked away down the hall. Siegfried guided her into the back hall, leaving her curious and slightly apprehensive. Audrey turned to him, there the sounds of conversation were more diffuse and there was no one in the kitchen.

"Something happened.." The question she started asking was lost when he kissed her, wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her to him.

She offered no resistance when she returned his kiss and nestled comfortably against his body. Resisting him was becoming more difficult with each day, with each new moment stolen throughout the day. Audrey relaxed in his arms and cupped his face. 

"Siegfried..." She tried to contest without much emphasis when their lips parted.

"We still have forty-five seconds." He murmured against her lips, his eyes full of mischief. 

"How much did you drink?" 

“I can assure you, in case you have any doubts, that I am perfectly lucid, my dear. This is not an effect of drinking. ” He held her face in his hands so gently that she sighed. "I missed you." 

Audrey smiled and shook her head, amused. 

“Don’t be daft. I've been here all day.”

"So close and yet so far." His noses rub against each other. 

She leaned over and kissed him again. The soft kiss lingered for a few seconds. 

"We need to go back." Audrey said as she released him. He looks visibly disappointed. "We can continue this later if you are not tired or drunk." 

"I wont be." He responded with such certainty that it made her weak. 

She needs a drink, urgently. Or maybe two.

* * *

The party was a real success. Everyone seemed to have fun and enjoyed the evening. 

They sat side by side for a long time, after everyone was gone and part of the mess was put in order, paying attention to the house noises. Everything was quiet and peaceful. Upstairs the boys were already in bed, probably almost, if not, asleep. 

Siegfried’s glance was filled with want and craving and Audrey pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. From the first moment, they both knew that the situation would become more difficult over time. That delicate kisses would become more urgent, that their hands would wander in more tortuous ways, and that their need for each other would increase. Seeing the desire so evident in his eyes made her realize how much she wanted him too. At some point the platonic love she felt had been transformed, strengthened and overflowed.

Up close, his eyes looked full of fire. The intensity of his gaze contrasted with the delicacy of his gestures. He traced her lips with his thumb, cupping her face. It was a loving gesture, which aroused the need for her to be close. Audrey pulled him close and he didn't hesitate to wrap her in a tight hug. Their noses brushed each other and she watched him closely.

His lips collided with hers. Their kiss was not romantic, it was filled with longing and desire, it was voracious and breathtaking. It was full of want, with a touch of passion and a strong note of whiskey, which Audrey doesn't know if it came from him or her. Maybe both. After all, a party night is not a party night without a few excesses. 

He pulled her even closer, desperate for more contact, but the sofa limited his movements. So Audrey decided to be practical and throw caution out the window for at least one night. Pulling the skirt up with one hand she pushed him against the sofa with the other, while he looked at her confused, she straddled him.

Maybe it was the alcohol, the excitement of the party, all those stolen moments over the past two weeks. Maybe it was the way he spent all night looking at her or the fact that he pulled them away from the others just to kiss her, but something gave her courage and she needed that contact. 

Surprise took the place of the confusion on his face and Audrey noticed how dark his eyes become as he took a deep breath, waiting. Suddenly the hunter had become the prey and she wondered if that was way beyond what he had in mind throughout the night. 

They faced each other, contemplating each other's desire. Audrey felt his arousal between her legs, pressed against her center. Her breath became labored with mere anticipation. Any doubt that he really wanted her simply evaporated. At that moment she knew that surrendering to him physically would never be a duty or an obligation, and the fact that he didn't even move made it clear that he would never take her against her will. 

Siefgried held her by the waist, but made no other move. His eyes sought permission in hers and when Audrey leaned towards him, he kissed her again, exploring her mouth unhurriedly. The growing tingling in his pants was alarming, but her kisses were intoxicating and he couldn't resist the temptation to continue and there was no point in resisting. Audrey was sitting on him, feeling the evidence of his desire. There was no more to hide.

Instinctively Siegfried's hands found her knees and moved slowly upward, following the stockings towards her thighs, causing a shiver when they pass the stockings's welt and the fingertips finally find her skin, burying themselves in the tender flesh when he squeezed her flesh.

With their torsos pressed together, Siegfried makes a guttural sound in her mouth when the friction becomes too much. Her hands roamed his back for a moment before Audrey leaned back. If it weren't for his hands on her buttocks she would have fallen to the floor trying to open his vest buttons. His tie ends up lying next to them on the sofa and with nimble fingers she opens the first buttons of the shirt in a continuous movement. He groans under his breath when her mouth explores his neck, collarbone and hollow throat. 

Siegfried smells of smoke, good whiskey and expensive cologne. Where the beard is shaved his skin is soft and attracts her lips as if they were made for each other.

None of them can remember the last time they felt so excited. The tension inside them grows and the tingling sensation starts to give way to an insistent throbbing.

Nothing would stop them from simply going to the bedroom and surrendering to each other. Dropping their clothes on the floor and giving in to that desire, but still they don't. The way they looked at the feelings was so raw that no other moment, in comparison, would be so intimate. 

Her hands pressed to his flanks and Siegfried pulled her closer to him, making her slide so she could feel his arousal. When Audrey subtly moved her hips, a groan escaped his lips. He turns his face to kiss her while his hands press on her hips to make her move again. 

Their mouths meet in a hungry, deep kiss. The heat only increases, as does the humidity between her legs.

"Don’t stop, please, my darling," Siegfried pleaded, in a whisper.

Their eyes met and remained locked while his hands guided her until a rhythm was established. Although she wants to kiss him, Audrey can't take her eyes off his, even when the desire to have one of his hands between her legs makes her blush violently. It is foolish, she knows, that prudish feeling. There are moments that are made only to be felt, exclusively, and that was one of them. Rationalization could come later. 

The heat started to become unbearable. A few minutes earlier Audrey had her feet chilled in her shoes and at that moment drops of sweat were sprouting on her forehead and the back of her neck, running slowly down her spine as she gripped the back of the sofa with her fingers to keep herself steady. 

Siegfried buried his right hand in her hair, enjoying the delicacy of the loose strands against his skin. She closed her eyes and purred like a cat. He smiled, pressing his mouth against her neck. Audrey’s skin tastes like home. Muffling his groans on her skin, he trailed his lips on her skin back to her mouth. 

They kiss until the air in their lungs are extinguished and do it again and again. Time stopped and everything became a sensation. The tingling became a pulse. Siegfried moved his hips at the same pace as her and Audrey's head tilted back when she shuddered over him finding her release.

She with her curls out of alignment, her skin pink and shiny with the effort and her lips parted in a perfect O in a silent cry of pleasure was an image that he will carry until his last breath. It was so tempting that he would like to keep going, to touch her and feel the pulse between her legs with his fingertips, to taste her, to bury himself deep in that vibrant humidity... With that thought he reached his release.

Siegfried pulled her to him and against her mouth he let his hoarse, low moans escape as the pleasurable relief coursed through his body and did a mess inside his pants.

They held each other panting for a long time until Audrey dropped back onto the couch next to him, smoothing her skirt back into place. Her thigh muscles were burning, but that vigorous exercise was more than welcome. 

"When I bought your Christmas present I didn't think you were going to be so warm." Siegfried said, looking out of the corner of his eye with a smug smile. 

"You bought me socks!" Audrey laughed, unable to contain herself. Although she asked for them a few months ago she didn't expect him to take her seriously. 

"Yes, as a symbolic form of.." He starts, but is silent, moistening his lips with the tip of his tongue. What he wanted to symbolize was quite clear after all. 

Audrey frowned momentarily. A symbolic form of...? It didn't take a genius to understand. He wanted to keep her feet warm. With a small smile she kissed him on the cheek.

"The socks are welcome, after all, I still have my feet cold most of the time." Her comment made him laugh.

"Maybe I've also bought you something else." Siegfried said, trying to sound innocent, but she knew him too well and he saw the alarm on her face. 

"Siegfried, what did you do?" 

He just laughed and pulled her into a tight hug. Audrey would be surprised and shocked, but he wouldn't take no for an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say I'm not so sure about this chapter, but anyway. What is done is done.  
> Merry Christmas and thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

Christmas at Skeldale House went smoothly. The events of the previous night did not become an issue between them, but whenever their eyes met, they both knew exactly what each was thinking. Audrey pressed her pursed lips, containing her own smiles, although she did not stop blushing a little every time, while Siegfried simply smiled smugly at her. Whether James or Tristan noticed none of them knew to say, but it was a fact that Siegfried had become unable to divert his thoughts from those moments and wondered how it would be like next time, and especially when.

As the days went by Siegfried's hopes gradually diminished. The house never seemed to be at peace again. Helen, Jenny and Maggie always seemed to be there and he noticed an increase in Audrey's expectation that Edward would pay a visit on the last day of the year. Out in vain. Although she smiled and said nothing, he could clearly see the disappointment in her eyes when the night came to its end and the boy never arrived.

Siegfried kissed her when the living room's clock struck midnight announcing the beginning of 1938, ignoring the curious looks around and wishing he could do more to keep her mind from that disappointment, even for a few fleeting minutes.

January brought back the work routine and the cold was not ready to give them all a break. A flu outbreak swept over Darrowby and gradually one by one they became ill. Siegfried, for a change, had been the first to succumb and when Audrey started to feel the first symptoms, James and Tristan were also crawling around the house trying to do their chores.

Unfortunately, the tide of good fortune that Christmas brought to them seemed to have ended.

* * *

_**January 22, 1938** _

"Oh Mrs. Bailey, you brought him!" Audrey exclaimed excitedly as she opened the door and found the woman struggling to keep her balance while holding a curious dog by the leash and a laughing baby in her arms.

“Not by my choice, unfortunately. With this weather it was better for him to stay at home, but Shawn had to take care of some things on the farm and he couldn't keep an eye on the boy.” The woman commented on entering. It didn't take long for the boy to get out of his mother's arms and into Audrey's.

“Hello, Charlie. How you grew up!” The boy kept giggling while she rocked him in her arms. He had doubled in weight over the past weeks and the feeling of being with a baby in her arms and the smell of baby powder that he exhaled was irresistible to her. She held him close to her and made him laugh more. "This boy will be running around the house soon."

“He and Max are impossible already. I wonder what they won't do when he start to walk.”

"You won't have a minute of peace! When my Edward started to walk I have to follow him around all they long to make sure he wouldn't get hurt or turn the house down on his way." Audrey said looking at the boy seriously, who had laughed again.

"Can't wait for it, Mrs. Hall." Mrs. Bailey said with sarcasm, laughing. She had removed her coat, gloves and hat, and tied Max's leash to the feet of one of the chairs. "Is Mr. Farnon still with a patient?"

"I don't think so, I'll check." She started to turn to the exam room, without returning the child to it's mother, who seemed relieved to have a moment to rest.

"If it's not abuse, I would like to use the bathroom for a minute before Max's appointment."

"Sure, come this..." Audrey was pointing down the hall when Siegfried opened the door.

"Mrs. Bailey, good afternoon. ” He greeted with a brief smile before noticing Audrey with the boy in his arms. His expression was unreadable, but the lines around his eyes became more evident.

“Just a minute, Siegfried. Here, hold him.” Audrey passed the boy into his arms, suddenly surprising him. "I'm taking Mrs. Bailey to the bathroom."

"Oh, I..." He settled the child on his arm. Audrey noticed that on his arms Charlie looked smaller and more comfortable. The boy looked at Siegfried curiously, as if trying to remember where he met him.

"Do you mind, Mr. Farnon?" Mrs. Bailey's voice attracted the boy's attention for a moment.

"Of course he doesn't." Audrey shot a warning look from his direction.

"No, not at all." He hurried to answer. "Go ahead."

"This way, Mrs. Bailey." Audrey looked at them both over her shoulder.

Charlie had already lost interest in his mother and turned to the stethoscope around Siegfried's neck, trying to catch it while the man tried to divert the child's attention. Audrey took Mrs. Bailey upstairs and went back down, but stopped at the turn of the hall when she saw they were still entertained with each other. Arms crossed, she leaned against the wall, nibbling on her lower lip. Like her just minutes before, Siegfried smiled as he rocked the baby in his arms, eliciting animated giggles from him, who had forgotten his stethoscope and seemed curious about toutching his beard on Siegfried's chin.

Completely oblivious to her presence, they were engaged in their interaction. Siegfried's ability to be sweet to animals and children never seemed to run out or stop surprising her. The scene made her feel strange. An almost uncontrollable desire to be able to go back in time rose inside of her. What would it be like if they had met before in life? If they had not been through their previous marriages? How many babies would they have made over the years? A silly line of thought that would only make her reach painful conclusions. And yet, for a few seconds she let herself imagine what life would be like if they had had it or if they had time to have a child. Siegfried was a good man, but he would have been an even better father. Audrey was sure they would have been immensely happy. 

"What?" He asked when he noticed her standing in the hall smiling. 

Audrey was still immersed in her own fantasies, where she could wrap her arms around them.

"I'm just wishing I was ten years younger." Audrey said, unable to contain herself. Her thoughts turned to words and simply left her mouth. 

Siegfried looked at her with wide eyes and his face took on a strong red tone, which was quickly vanished when his expression became serious. He looked around him, looking for the dog. 

"Here, get him so I can go check on Max." He said in the monotonous, impersonal tone he used to use when she touched on sensitive subjects before their situation changed. 

Audrey took the boy, still attentive to Siegfried. He seemed intent on avoiding her and she wondered if the implication in her words had bothered him so much that he had felt the need to close himself off like that. Wishing she had made some sarcastic comment, she was surprised when Mrs. Bailey appeared beside her.

"Do you want me to get him back?" 

"No way." She replied, giving a slight smile. "Go ahead, Charlie and I are going to warm up a little on the couch." Although her voice sounded light, there was an enormous weight inside her heart.

* * *

Two hours later Siegfried found her sitting at the kitchen table, with a cup of tea in her hands. Smoke billowed from the cup and she watched it, immersed in her own thoughts. If she took note that he was present, she didn't show it. 

Some subjects were complicated for him. Talking about Evelyn was still difficult enough without bring up children. He had understood what Audrey meant, he wanted to be able to say the same. He wanted to be able to say that maybe they didn't have to be ten years younger, after all his parents were older than they were when Tristan was born, but life had taught him differently. 

"I think you would be terribly disappointed." He said as he sat in the chair across from her. 

"What are you talking about?" The confusion evident in her words.

"If you were ten years younger, you would be disappointed." He explains, without directly touching on the important point of the question. "Evelyn and I tried for many years, obviously it never happened." The attempt to elaborate the explanation is enough and she nodded understandly. 

What he does not say is how much he and Evelyn suffered in the early years of their marriage when they were sure every month that they had not succeeded again. Evelyn had dreamed of motherhood all her life and he felt incompetent of not being able to make her dream come true, a point that she vehemently denied many times and a guilt he took for himself despite the uncertainties. 

" Siegfried, I didn't mean to..." She starts to explain and he interrupts her.

"I know. I'm sorry for reacting badly to the comment. I just thought it would be a disappointment for you in that regard as well and I...” Some things are difficult to explain. Ultimately, the fact that he and Evelyn had never had children had become a relief to him. He had barely managed to remain functional when she died and could not think what it would have been like if they had had children. It would have been extremely cruel and unfair for Evelyn to die young and leave orphaned children deprived of her care and love. 

But Audrey... The very idea of going through this with her was too much for him, even in a hypothetical situation.

"You would never be a disappointment to me." She said sincerely. "Except when you're unfair to the boys." Her comment made him smile briefly. When he wrongly blamed the boys, her disappointment was evident and he never took to long correct the mistake just to see her satisfied. 

"Did you wish you had more children?" He askdc, taking the focus off the situation from his previous experience. 

"I did, but when I was ready to try for the second things started to get off track and then..." Audrey shrugs. Then there was no more reason to try, he understood that, but he didn't know how things got there.

"Will you ever tell me about it?" His question surprised him, but Audrey didn't noticed.

For a long time she focused on the swirls of smoke rising from her tea.

"There's not much to tell, actually." She commented, unable to look at him directly. “My ex-husband lost his job and since I had already left the navy, I had to look for a job myself. He...” She shakes her head, in an unconscious gesture of disbelief. "He resented me becoming the provider of the house, so he started to drink to occupy his days." She turned the cup in her hands and he feelt desolate. What was he hoping to discover if not something hard? “I managed to convince him to keep trying to get another job, despite the crisis and when he finally managed to find one it was at the pub. Can you imagine? ” Siegfried was used to her sarcasm, but the irony was a surprise to him. And although he could imagine how the result of this situation, heoped for a different outcome. "He drank in the same proportion as the customers and I had to make a deal with the pub's owner so that he was not sent to prison, after all our son needed his father." Audrey takes a long sip of tea. “I was a fool, I thought I was giving him a second chance to start over. It was not an environment for a child, let alone two. ”

Siegfried imagined several reasons why she separated from her husband, but not that one. Men had their own pride, of course they did, and he knew that pride could easily be hurt, but give up and resent her for doing what he was supposed to do and didn't even try? It was unacceptable reasoning for him. He couldn't even catch a glimpse of the extent of it all. The financial difficulty they had been through, the work she had to do, the suffering caused by his addiction... Her suffering. To what extent had he expressed his resentment to her? He didn't want to know, but unfortunately he could imagine.

Seeing the horror of those years stamped on her face hurt him.

"I'm so sorry." His voice was weak and barely audible. Siegfried was ashamed of the man's actions.

“These things are behind me. I have a very different life now.” Audrey's eyes met his again and her hand crossed the short distance that separated them to find his. "I have you." Her expression cleared, like a sky after a storm and her eyes returned to their usual luminosity. “

"You do. And I would never...” He would never hurt her like that, never put her through experiences like that, he would never resent anything, ever. He loved her, loved her more than he could understand.

"I know, love." And she did knew it was true and how he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end this chapter with so much sadness.


	13. Chapter 13

**_January 28, 1938_ **

"How do I look?" Siegfried asked. He was well dressed, he knew, he had chosen the suit, the tie and even the scarf by finger despite the little time he had to prepare that morning.

"Sharp and professional." Audrey replied, smoothing out his jacket and checking if all buttons were closed or for possible marks on the suit. Although unnecessary, this was a ritual he enjoyed a lot, especially when she ran her hands over his body.

Not handsome?" He sounded pretentiously hurt and she laughed.

"The horses won't notice that, Siegfried."

"I'm asking you, not the horses."

"You look tempting to me." Audrey confessed. Her cheeks became a lovely shade of red and she looked away from him.

Siegfried knew what she was thinking about, and frankly, if it weren't for the racecourse, that morning he wouldn't be thinking about anything else either. A call came in while they were having breakfast. Siegfried's presence had been requested by General Ransom himself, who intended to meet him there at half past nine.

"I hope that General Ransom is ready to accept defeat and assume his terrible choice by denying the job to a thoroughbred like me like as he did last time."

"We must hope that this is the case." Audrey tried not to sound too sarcastic and opened the door.

Siegfried deliberately ignored her tone and asked, "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Leaning towards her, he kissed her gently on the lips.

"Your concentration should be on the horses not on that." There is no recrimination in her observation and her little smile became bigger when his hand reached the curve below her spine.

“My concentration will be on the horses when I am with the horses. Until then I have a more interesting subject at hand.” He shoots with a teasing tone, just to make her blush and kissed her again, making her sigh.

"Good luck, love." Audrey said when they finally broke apart.

They were smiling at each other when she opened the door and got a surprise.

"Dorothy!"

Standing on the first step, holding her purse in front of her, Dorothy looked at them with a malicious smile on her face. Having privacy seemed increasingly impossible in that house, Siegfried thought to himself, though he found the situation more fun than uncomfortable. Audrey on the other hand looked quite uneasy.

"Good morning, Aud." Dorothy nodded and turned to him, giving a nod. “Mr. Farnon.”

* * *

"Oh, I can't believe you became a gossip in town!" Dorothy commented laughing. The idea was absurd, even for Audrey, but it was the truth.

They sat at a corner table in the teahouse and sipped their drinks and talked in low tones. At that time of the morning the place was quiet, which meant no unwanted glances in Audrey's direction. Except, of course, the owners.

"There's nothing funny about that."

“But of course there is! You shouldn't take this too seriously. The mentality of people in small towns like this is just as small. This is temporary, you know. In time, they will accept and forget.” Of course Dorothy was right, she knew that, but until then... "I want to know how things are going between you." Dorothy asked, full of curiosity, with a malicious smile on her lips.

Audrey had no doubt, from her friend's expression, what she wanted to know. Dorothy seemed excited about the idea that Audrey and Siegfried had ventured into a relationship, but her hope Audrey would share details about it was too much.

"Everything is going well." She just answered laconically, with a brief smile before taking a sip of tea.

"From what I saw earlier, you two are very close..." Dorothy insisted. The malice even more evident in her tone of voice.

"Not that way." "

"Not yet. But I would dare say you're almost there."

"Stop with it, Dorothy."

“Why? There is nothing wrong with that.” The exasperated look that Audrey gave her friend made Dorothy shake her head in disbelief. “I mean it. You two are adults, you've been married before, you've known each other for years and Siegfried doesn't seem like the kind of man who would lose interest afterwards. So, why wait?"

She wasn't sure how to answer that question. Waiting seemed the right thing to do. Although she longed for his touch, for his kisses, for the his gentle and always restrained caresses. Although she wanted him to take the lead more often. Although every night she felt like not separating from him by the stairs. Although she wondered every morning what it would be like to wake up next to him.

“We have been together for just over a month. It wouldn't be appropriate to throw myself in his bed in such a short period and I...” She swallows, there is another point that she avoids thinking about whenever she can, but that is there. "I never did that to anyone other than... you know." The confession sounds so low that she doesn't even know if Dorothy has managed to understand.

There it was her insecurity showing up. A completeness of questions were mixed within it. The shame of being seen naked by him, of surrendering to a different man, the length of the relationship, the absence of the marriage bond, the fact that she is still fertile, the uncertainty of his infertility, and, especially, how it would affect the way he saw her. And all these questions directly confronted with the naturalness of how they interacted, how they wanted each other, how they touched and, mainly, how their relationship evolved. It seemed wrong to discuss these matters with Dorothy or anyone else, especially since she and Siegfried had not discussed any of these issues openly.

“Your brute ex-husband's, yes, unfortunately I know. And when will it be appropriate? After the visit to the registry office? A piece of papper and a ring are not going to change your feelings. From what I heard and saw of you together I must confess that I was surprised. I thought you had overcome that barrier.”

Audrey said nothing. The barrier of what would be appropriate had been overcome, in one way or another. The memory of the previous afternoon in the exam room was vivid in her mind, screaming that remark back at her. 

Dorothy studied her for a long moment, resting her face on one hand. They had known each other long enough for Audrey to know that Dorothy was analyzing what she should or shouldn't say to her at that moment. 

"You, more than anyone else, deserve to rediscover what it feels like to be physically loved and desired, Aud." 

The comment made Audrey uncomfortable. She lowed her head, watching the tea for a few seconds. This was a subject that she no longer wanted to discuss. 

Her marriage had not always been a horror. Her husband had not always been addicted, he had not always been aggressive. In this respect, at least, there were few times that he had crossed the line. But violence and humiliation had stayed in the past, she had overcome all that. 

When she looked at her own life in the present, with Siegfried, she was only able to envision a good future and every day she discovered a little more about what it was like to be loved and desired by a man again, not just physically.

“Tell me the news, Dorothy. How is the nasty Scarborough?”

"Nasty, as always!" Dorothy replied, accepting the change of subject.

* * *

Siegfried paced the living room, complaining about horses, the racecourse and General Ransom, but all she could catch was his movements and his figure. Dorothy's words still resonated in her ears.

Audrey felt physically loved and wanted by him, it was becoming more and more clear by the day. This had become clear on Christmas Eve and even more so in the exam room the previous afternoon, when Siegfried was bold enough to touch her. The mere memory left her knees weak. He had left it up to her to dictate the pace of the development of their physical relationship, but he had taken on a teasing tone in his words and in his touches.

She was barely able to fall asleep the night before and tried to emulate the feeling of his fingertips gently brushing the inside of her thigh, climbing tortuously until it found the soaked cotton from her brief. The thought left her with a dry mouth. He had been so subtle with his touch, so brief and yet he had left her so desperate for more.

“It is absurd! They proclaim that animals come first when this is no longer true as soon as some ‘priority’ arises. That animal could have been an irreparable sequel if they had taken longer to call me. The vet is totally inept! Audrey? Are you listening to me? Audrey!” He had finally noticed that she was not hearing anything he was saying.

"I'm sorry. What were you saying?”

"About the injured animal and the severity of the injury." He repeated for what seemed like the tenth time and with impatience. "You are terribly distant, what are you thinking about?" The question was asked in a milder tone and he sat beside her on the sofa.

"In us." Audrey replied, unable to look at him.

"In us?" he echoed, surprised. "Did Dorothy say anything?"

Something about his tone of voice and the question itself aroused a bad feeling in her that made her stomach tighten. Audrey frowned. Jealous.

"Did she have anything to say?" She asked bluntly.

“Not in the way you're thinking. I never... Don't be silly! It is an absurd idea.” Siegfried sounded offended, really offended, but he stopped and took a deep breath, taking a few seconds to sound calmer. "What are you thinking, exactly?"

The exact answer would shock him, not for its content, but for the frankness of it. Audrey considered whether or not to say what she was thinking, about her insecurities, about her wishes... Instead she asked: "Are you happy, Siegfried?"

"Of course I am." His response was immediate. He didn't seem to have any doubts about it and she was relieved.

"Are you satisfied?" It was her next question and it intrigued him.

"Where are you going with this?" His hands took hers. "Dorothy or anyone else said anything about our relationship that have put you in doubt?"

Audrey had no intention of worrying him, the question was simple, but he didn't seem to understand the point she was trying to make. Although her experience was only with her husband, she knew enough to understand that men had certain needs and how he had been alone for a long time... Not that women did not have their own needs, because evidently they did, she did, but talking about it so directly seemed so wrong. What would he think of her? She couldn't bear to see him look down on her.

And yet, this time, unlike all aspects of their lives, she couldn't manage him the way she wanted to. When she needed his self-centeredness most, it disappeared.

"Not at all, it's nothing like that." She replied, squeezing his hands to reassert her speech. “I'm just curious. Are you satisfied with the way things are progressing?”

“Who wouldn't be? I...” He pressed his lips together and looked at their hands, together on her lap. "Given the circumstances, I can say that I am an extremely lucky man." Given the circumstances? What did he mean by that? "I would be lost if it weren't for you."

"I am fully aware of that." Audrey smiled. He still didn't know, but at some point he would understand that without him she too would be lost too. “But that doesn't answer my question. Are you satisfied?"

"Yes, of course, Audrey." He tried to sound sure of his answer, but although sincere, he seemed to miss something. "Are you?" Siegfried asked in a low voice.

His question seemed simple to answer, but it was not. Siegfried's face showed concern about her delay in responding. The simplest answer was yes, she was. She was happy and satisfied, but at the same time she wanted more. She wanted to spend more time with him, she wanted his physical closeness, she wanted to face her fears and insecurities and be his, even if it would cause a mess in their lives. Even if it made difficult for her to sleep every night because of the memories or the absence of him beside her. Even if their relationship changed completely.

"You can tell me, whatever it is that you have in mind." Siegfried said, softly.

And although she wanted to tell the truth, she wanted to be specific about what she wants, she can only say, "I think I want more."

For the first time, the silence that settled between them was heavy and full of uncertainty. 

* * *

**_ January 29, 1938 _ **

"I need advice." Siegfried said as the three of them performed Tricky Woo's second stomach wash in the past six months. Mrs. Pumphrey would, very soon, kill that poor animal with food. 

Such a short sentence should not cause a fuss, but it does. Tristan perked up like a child in an amusement park and James peered at Siegfried out of the corner of his eyes, full of curiosity. To assume that he needed advice was tantamount to a movie star appearing on the streets of Darrowby. Extremely unlikely, but he didn't know what to think.

"Should I leave?" James asked. What good would it do if Tristan would share everything with him later? Secrets were impossible to have in that house, that he had accepted at least. 

"No, maybe you have something more useful to tell me than him." Siegfried made a dismissive gesture, indicating the younger brother. 

"If you don't trust what I have to say, why did you come looking for me in the first place?"

"Because am I in doubt and I don't have anyone else to ask, but I'm already regreting my own decision to ask."

The two Farnons looked at each other seriously for a few seconds. Couldn't Tristan understand how difficult it was for him? Sighing, Tristan crossed his arms in front of him, leaning against his brother's table. 

“Tell us, big brother. What is the evil that afflicts you? Let me guess, it goes by the name of Audrey Hall.” 

The same table where she had been sitting the previous afternoon, while the two boys were out making rounds. 

"Well... Yes... It's related to her." Siegfried confirmed, but did not elaborate. How to approach the subject? 

"All right. It would be nice if you worked it out a bit more” Tristan said. He and James looked at the older man with too much attention and curiosity, making him feel uncomfortable under their scrutiny.

"She asked me if I am satisfied with our relationship." He murmured. 

"And?"

"And what?"

"Are you?" Tristan asked the obvious. 

"Of course I am! What a ridiculous question!” 

"What's the problem then?" 

Tristan and James really didn't seem to understand. How difficult that was! Siegfried was exasperated and ashamed. He swallowed. 

"It seemed to me that... ahm... that maybe she... that maybe she isn't." Siegfried stammered. 

"Ohhh... Are you that out of practice? Siegfried, please, it's like riding a  bicycle , there's not much to go wrong, once you learn to balance you don't forget and just keep pedaling.” 

"TRISTAN!" Siegfried screamed in shock. The idea was absurd. How could he forget...? No, he definitely hadn't forgotten. Without control and without resistance, perhaps, but he had not forgotten and that had been made very clear on the last two occasions.

He still knew how to deal with a woman and the mere thought made him flush, mainly because it seemed that he knew how to deal with her particularly well. Audrey did not look bored on any of the occasions they shared. Surprised, maybe, especially in the exam room. Siegfried couldn't help it, the heat she exuded and the way his hand was enveloped by it... He needed to know, to be sure and... The feeling of moisture on his fingers and the way she looked at him, surprised and yet still stoic, without make a single noise, despite the parted lips and the redness that dyed her from the roots of her hair to the open collar of her blouse was too tempting.

In that very brief moment he considered pressing his fingers on her, moving it up and down before tracing a slow circle and moving the fabric of her brief away and touch her directly. He wanted to know how long it would take for her to contract herself around his fingers and whether she would still be able to remain silent and stoic when that happened. Or when he brought his fingers to his mouth and.... 

"What did she say exactly?" Tristan's question brought him back and he shook his head, in a vain attempt to put the image of her at that intimate moment out of his mind. 

“She said ‘I think I want more’.” He said in an uncertain voice and saw the two boys were surprised.

“Perhaps she is considering taking a new step in your relationship. I wouldn't be surprised by that.” James intervened thoughtfully. 

Siegfried immediately turned to him. It made sense. Tristan looked at his friend and a silent communication passed between them. Siegfried noticed, although he could not understand what was the idea that they seemed to share.

"I thought that proposing at this point would be hasty even though we know each other well enough to end this courtship and move on." He said thoughtfully. 

Marrying her was not an absurd idea. It actually seemed like the most sensible thing to do. This would put an end to people's comments and looks, it would put an end to the distance that the two pretended to keep inside the house. It would also put an end to waiting. He could have her in his arms every night, all night, and it would be not only acceptable but expected at any wedding. 

And then, Tristan laughed. He just burst into laughter to the point that he was red and breathless. Something not only impolite but irritating.

“Oh big brother, you really are a man from the last century. Propose? That's not what James is talking about.”

"No?" Siegfried looked at James in shock and the boy shook his head.

"Well, if you haven't already..." He swallowed, clearly distressed that he had to be so direct. Making a gesture with his hand that he didn't indicate absolutely anything specific besides his desire not to be specific, he went on. “This would be a natural development for a relationship. In your situation, it would not be surprising to know each other more in depth before deciding to take a more definitive course for your relationship.” James sets out his opinion. 

"More in depth?" Tristan echoed with a new laugh. “You're going to make him emotional, Jim. I don't think he remembers very well what it's like to meet someone that way.”

Siegfried's scathing look has no effect on his brother, who continued to laugh. James, although he was smiling, looked more serious.

True, he was a man of the last century, but she was also a woman of the last century. Or maybe not so much. The idea did not seem absurd, of course not, after all he had started something more explicit in his need to satisfy their desire, but to reach that point? To carry out the act before they are fully committed to each other? 

Before he could give back his brother any rude answer, the front door was opened and he closed his mouth, swallowing his words.

Tristan just laughed more and James struggled to keep his expression neutral, without too much success, especially when Audrey stopped at the door, taking off her gloves and looking at them curiously. Siegfried looked at her out of the corner of his eye very briefly.

"Where are the fluids, Tristan?" Siegfried asked, in his usual harsh tone. 

"You don't ..." Tristan tried to argue. 

Of course he hadn't asked, but still, Tristan should have known that fluids would be needed at this point in his studies. Inattentive boy. 

“How many times am I going to have to ask the same thing? Ten? Get on with it!” He didn't see it, but he heard her sigh before walking down the hall. 

He had a lot to think about.


	14. Chapter 14

**_February 06, 1938_ **

The last week had been the most difficult Siegfried had faced in the past six months, at least. Not even the anxiety of the first date had caused him so much tension or created so many doubts. It seemed clear and obvious to him what the next step should be. Their desire had been more than evident. They were compatible in every way. They knew each other like no one and, above all, they had deep feelings for each other, even if not openly stated.

And to think that before, the mere thought of venturing out on a date with a woman and create expectations seemed like a real nightmare, the seventh hell on earth. Now he did not feel contrary in any way to propose to her, on the contrary, he wanted to. Proposing would combine the useful and the pleasant, solve all problems and they would finally have the freedom they so desire.

Wrong reasons to propose, isn't it? An irritating voice, much like Tristan's, liked to observe whenever he was thinking about it and how he should propose. 

Proposing to her would be easier than the alternative. She hadn't brought it up and he didn't know how to approach it. Letting things happen naturally didn't seem to work either. Last week there was no shortage of opportunities if it was their intention to go that route, but they found themselves playing scrabble night after night. 

He watched her closely, trying to capture something strange, something that showed discontent or dissatisfaction. But Audrey laughed at his stories, complained when he played under his own rules (read: cheated) and did not seem at all unhappy or dissatisfied. If everything seemed normal when they were together, things didn't look so good when they were not and he caught her lost eye as she immersed herself in deep reflections more than once while doing her tasks throughout the day.

That Sunday morning they went to mass. They sat in the usual row, beside the stone pillar, isolated from the rest of the people and with enough privacy to allow themselves to hold hands before the service began.

For what seemed like endless hours he pondered James and Tristan's observations throughout the week. The brother's comments had irritated him, but James seemed to have a point. Where and when Herriot had learned so much about this subject he had no idea, but it was a valid enough observation to encourage him to think. And he did. 

Although inclined to propose, the possibility that Audrey might be interested in making their relationship carnal didn't seem so absurd, after all. She had not hesitated once on Christmas Eve and in the exam room,  although  not saying a single word, she seemed eager for more. Even there, during mass, he continues to analyze that moment. The way she pulled him to her, the way she looked at him and how everything looked so right. Not that this was the right kind of thinking to have during a service. But he just couldn't help it. He had had a very simple idea of how to maybe bring up the subject and maybe solve it in the end.

Father Tom seemed more wordy than ever. That man must love the sound of his own voice, that could only be it. Siegfried shifted his position on the bench for the tenth time, and when he consulted his watch a second time, he saw Audrey look at him disapprovingly. 

"Today you look especially agitated." She commented as they went down the path to the cemetery to leave the church grounds. 

"I was just checking the time." 

"Looking forward to the end of the mass, you mean. Or do you have an appointment?" If people were sincere, he had no doubt that he would discover that he was not the only one eager for freedom. 

"Not thir morning and we both already agreed that Father Tom is a long-winded man and today he seemed very excited to make the sermon last as long as possible."

Audrey just shook her head in disapproval. The silence that settled between them was comfortable. They walked arm in arm on the street and it seemed like the perfect time for him to try to bring it up. 

"I've been thinking..." He started, unable to contain himself any longer. “Valentine’s Day is coming and I think it’s about time we had our second date.” 

"I thought that was what we were doing in the living room every night." A sardonic smile curved her lips and Siegfried frowned.

"Not. Yes! I mean...” Siegfried had been thinking and rethinking how to bring it up. He had rehearsed in his mind many times, although it didn't seem. “Yes, but we never had the opportunity to leave the house and do something different. I thought maybe we could go to the dance. Tristan doesn't talk about anything else, but then I remembered all the people watching us and I wish we could have a more peaceful night. I think we deserve to go out to dinner and dance in the city without anyone noticing what we are or are not doing. ” That part he managed to overcome. What a relief. Audrey, on the other hand, seemed to be considering the proposal. The sky was clear as a promise of spring to come, so he continued. "And before you ask about a possible change in weather, I am widely aware that it can happen at any time, so I thought of something else."

“In what, exactly? Because the prospect of being isolated on a frozen road is not very attractive.” 

"We can only come back in the morning to avoid this possibility." He wanted to look relaxed, but the words sounded anxious and he avoided looking at her, looking at the street as if checking the cars before crossing the street, despite the quiet silence. "That is, if you want." Siegfried was quick to add. 

There was an implicit proposal to spend the night, not to return, perhaps to change or not the nature of their relationship. Change was the wrong word, confirm. Yes, confirm the relationship nature. Leaving the platonic (which still had little platonic left) to become completely physical and real.

Thinking about the uncertain possibility of what they might do was a little terrifying to him, although he was sure that the timing in practice would be exquisite.

Audrey's silence went on and he suddenly felt sick. He feared that he had overcome all the barriers of the proper and respectful. The last thing he wanted to do was offend her. He wanted her and if she wanted him he would be hers, regardless of the status of their relationship. That was all he wanted to make clear to her. 

Risking a look in her direction, he saw her raised eyebrows. Surprise could be a good thing, after all. She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and her hand squeezed his biceps lightly. Audrey turned her face towards him and he saw her give a small shy smile. 

"It doesn't seem like a bad idea." 

"No?" He repeats, showing his relief. 

"No."

* * *

**_ February 11, 1938  _ **

That night Audrey paid no attention to the conversation at dinner and ate little. She was counting the minutes for the boys to go out to the dance and the closer the moment came, the longer it seemed to take. 

Dorothy's words and Siegfried's invitation had been decisive. She was ready for the next step, she was ready before, but now she was sure that she would not see her with more eyes for openly proposing that they surrender to their passion.

James and Tristan dined in a hurry, devouring the food while talking excitedly about the ball. Helen and Maggie would accompany them, of course, and they were both very excited about the prospect of spending Valentine's Day with someone, although none of the relationships had become official. James and Helen were still just good friends. 

The words came through her ears, but she did not register them. Her attention was focused on Siegfried, who ate making mocking comments and laughed at the two boys. That night he would be on call if an emergency arose. She prayed that she wouldn't be none.

When the boys went upstairs to get ready, Audrey washed the dinner dishes, taking more time than necessary and paying attention to the sounds of the house. Girls usually took a long time to get ready, but that night it took Tristan and James a long time to go down the stairs. She met them in the hall and escorted them to the door. 

"Have fun!" She said excitedly. 

"And be careful with the car!" Siegfried screamed over the shoulder from the room.

Audrey locked the door after making sure they were both taking their keys and blew out a breath that she hadn't remembered to hold. Siegfried was in the living room fiddling with the gramophone records. One had been separated from the pile, but he looked doubtful, searching for another. When he noticed her, he left the search aside and set the record to play. Soft music filled the room and was accompanied by a significant decrease in lighting. 

"Here." He held out a glass of cherry to her with an inviting smile. "I was thinking that we could have our own ball." 

Audrey took a sip and put the drink aside when he approached.

"Valentine’s Day got into you." She teased by taking a step towards him. Their bodies came closer and they wrapped their arms around each other. 

"Well, it is a time for lovers, I thought it would be appropriate to take advantage of it." Siegfried said in her ear. Her body reacted immediately and a bright smile curved her lips. If he wanted to enjoy that time and she wanted to do the same, there was no reason not to. 

Still, she let herself go and they slowly danced the first and second songs immersed in that comfortable and familiar feeling that was being embraced by one another. When the third song started Audrey moved her hands on his back, sliding them to his sides. 

"Siegfried?" She asked. It was now or never. Her heart had become a pulsating engine. It could easily replace the Rover's if necessary. 

"Hmm?" He grunted, choosing that moment to start kissing her neck. 

"Do you want to go upstairs?" The words sounded low, but they had their effect. They stopped dancing.

Siegfried moved far enough away from her to be able to look at her. Opening and closing his mouth, he searched for words while studying her with the utmost attention. It was not something they had no intention of possibly doing from there three nights, but the certainty that they would do it and would do it at that moment left him unsettled.

She knew that the question might arouse some anxiety in him, but he didn't just look anxious, for a brief moment he looked terrified. Touching his face with her fingertips, she smiled. A dose of shyness mixed with malice and she felt her face hot, as if she were a young girl. 

The invitation, so open and expressive, took him by surprise, but her touch was all he needed to relax. Then he nodded, still rather rigid, before letting out his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are still enjoying it!  
> Reviews are always welcome.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This a slow descriptive smut chapter. If you're not into it better skip it.  
> If you are, I hope you enjoy.  
> Thanks for reading.

**_February 11, 1938 - that same night_ **

Audrey felt restlessness when she heard the door close and the key turn inside the lock. Now that she was there, the situation made her feel an anxiety not at all characteristic of her. It had been a long time since she had had an intimate moment with a man for the sheer pleasure of it, and that was an unrested truth at the moment.

Her fingers find the lamp switch. The soft light illuminated the head of the bed enough, but it did not remove the shadows that the fireplace created in the bedroom.

Her eyes fixed on the bed for a long moment. Audrey had touched that bed countless times, had even sat on it on two occasions. There was nothing special about it, at least not until that night. The idea that she would soon be lying on that bed naked and with Siegfried was enough to make her body react.

It was from a dark corner that he was watching her, intently. His anxiety and dread were completely gone and his eyes darkened sharply as he looked at her with desire. Audrey felt her knees weaken slightly. Their anticipation filled the room. 

Theie approach was slow and halfway between the door and the nightstand they've met. She understood then that she would not need to build up the courage to face that anxiety, all she needed was touch him for that feeling dissipate like fog and when his hands reached her hip everything passed. 

His jacket was the first piece of clothing to hit the floor. The buttons on the vest are opened one by one with a little difficulty. His hands were on her and it distracted her, leaving her hands shaking, but soon his vest and tie went to keep his jacket company. Siegfried, on the other hand, had no difficulty finding the zipper on her skirt or opening it. With hands full of temptation he slid it down slowly, until the fabric obeyed gravity and fell around Audrey's feet. It didn't take long for his shirt to follow the same fate.

His hands on her buttocks pulled her to him and the little concentration she had managed to maintain was lost when their mouths met. The hot, passionate kisses matched perfectly with the heat trails his hands left on her body. Audrey wanted nothing more than to be consumed by that heat.

The certainty that they had been doomed since their  first kiss was an indisputable truth. How had they managed to hold on until that moment? She didn't know and didn't want to try to understand, she just raised her arms when Siegfried's hands went up her body carrying the wool sweater she wore over her white shirt.

Siegfried's mouth did not return to hers, but focused on her neck. A mixture of lips, teeth and tongue started to trail a provocative path from the point right below her jaw, going towards the back of her neck. Audrey gasped with her eyes closed for long moments as he wrapped her in his arms and caresses. She swallowed the moan that rose in her throat and relaxed against his body, enjoying the sensation.

Chills appeared on her neck and went down her back with an intensity that did not seem possible to her and that left her completely distracted so that she could do anything but feel. Siegfried pressed his hands flat on her belly, rising slowly towards her breasts. Audrey's knees weaken again. 

"Let me hear you, love." He murmured in her ear. Siegfried called her darling when they were alone, but being called love seemed like a spell coming out of him. A deep sigh escaped her lips when his hands cupped her breasts over the undergarments and squeezed them gently. Audrey hadn't even noticed that he had opened her shirt's buttons.

Her chest heaved and her hands finally returned to work, finding his to keep them where they are. She had forgotten how good it felt to be touched like that. 

"Do you like it?" He asked with his lips once again glued to her ear. 

"I-I do." She stammered in response with a dry mouth. 

Siegfried's smile against her skin tickled her and as he runed a slow path of wet kisses to the base of her neck, new sighs escaped her. She loved his beard against her skin. 

Looking back on all the moments they had shared over the past few months, all of them had been pleasurable it's own way, but nothing compared to that feeling of having him so close to her and touching her like that, without any hesitation, without fear of moving forward, without shame or modesty.

Siegfried pressed his hips against hers, letting out a muffled groan on the skin of her shoulder. Her hands slid down his arms and down her body until she reached his. With her fingertips she found the fabric of his pants and pulled him closer to her . 

"Take it off." She asked, tilting her face to the side. 

"What, exactly?" Siegfried asked in a teasing tone. 

His mouth found her face once more and slid until their lips met in a deep kiss. He released her right breast and let his hand slide down, making butterflies flutter in Audrey's stomach, until it reached the valley between her legs. This time, when he touched her, it was no less subtle, but it took so long that she moved her hips in search of friction. 

"What do you want me to take off, Audrey?" He insisted. 

“Everything.”

Once again she felt his smile against her skin and momentarily regretted the request when his hand left the heat of her center.

Her shirt fell to the floor and her brassiere was discarded shortly thereafter. She shivered when her swollen nipples lost the heat from the fabric when they were exposed. Audrey longed for his touch, but Siegfried turned her to face him. They faced each other for a long moment.

He looked at her with such intensity that she was tempted, for a brief moment, to put her hands on her breasts and hide them. She was not used to that kind of scrutiny and wondered if she would ever get used to it. Audrey hoped so. 

“You’re gorgeous.” He said, extending his hands to touch her.

Audrey gasped with the contact of his hands directly against her skin and closed her eyes, immersed in the sensation. Siegfried's mouth found hers for a new kiss, deep and breathless and she ran her fingers through his beard, bringing him closer to her.

His thumbs brushed her nipples for a long time before he took her breasts in his hands. They were small and delicate, like everything about her and fit perfect against his palms.

His undershirt got lost in the pile of clothes. Feeling his soft skin against hers was even better than she had imagined. Her hands ran down his arms, down his back, down his sides. She wanted to feel it all over, touch every part of his body and stroke it.

Her nimble fingers became confused when they finally found the zipper on his pants. If she was not flushed by then, it was at that moment that she stayed. Her face was on fire, suddenly ashamed when she touched him and his mouth moved away from hers. Siegfried let out a guttural groan. Her palm pressed against him, feeling warm and pulsating, and slid to it's base and back, fluidly. He let out a new moan and it was the encouragement she needed to repeat the gesture. Siegfried shuddered and was suddenly tense. 

"What's it?" She asked in surprise when he took her wrist and pulled her hand out of his pants.

“I want to feel you instead of exploding into my pants like an inexperienced boy. Again." He confessed in a hoarse voice and a slightly flushed face.

It had been too long for him too. She understood and gave a nod. Rather than touching him again, Audrey slid his pants down until they fell to the floor. Siegfried stepped out of them and his shoes at the same time. She noticed that this was a practice he didn't miss when they finally fell together in bed in a tangle of arms and legs.

For what seemed like an eternity they kissed and caressed each other. Long and breathless kisses accompanied by soft and provocative caresses. She imagined that giving herself to him like that would be intense, but not that it was going to be so sensual.

With care and dexterity Siegfried settled her in the middle of the bed, with her head resting on the pillows and nestled himself between her legs. Audrey wrapped him with her arms and brought him close with herlegs around him. His body heat was addictive and everything she wanted.

His arousal brushed against the sensitive area of her body, making it even hotter and wetter. Despite the time that has passed since the last time she was with a man, Audrey had no doubt that if he wanted to he could bury himself inside her easily and that notion made her skin burn. She wanted him. She wanted him so badly that it hurt.

They kiss each other long and passionately. His hands traced slow paths along the sides of her body until they reached her thighs, while his mouth deviated from hers. Their eyes meet and he moved his hips forward, simulating a thrust. The movement made they groan in unison. 

"I want you so badly." He confessed with his lips still brushing hers.

"Make love to me, Siegfried." Audrey asked in a murmur. 

"I’ll, but you have to be patient, my darling."

Audrey blinked, slightly confused. His fingers hooked on the elastic of her briefs and pulled it down to do middle of her thighs, slowly. Siegfried's entire body followed the movement. His mouth slid down her throat and chest until he found one of her nipples. So sensitive and so needy. The throbbing between Audrey's legs became stronger when he circled the nipple with his tongue and she moaned again, running her hands through his hair, when he took it with his mouth. 

Siegfried looked up at her. He seemed fully aware of how much she liked it. The malice in his gaze was so intense that she felt even more excited and confused, especially when he continued to slide down. Kneeling between her legs, he finally dismissed her briefs with impressive agility and smiled even more maliciously as he ran his hands down her legs, leaving her stockings on. 

Audrey raised her eyebrows in question and he only continued to smile as he lay facedown on the bed, pushing one of her legs aside and resting the other over his shoulder. She felt extremely exposed and held her breath when Siegfried kissed the inside of her thigh, making her shiver. Finally, Audrey gasped in surprise when his mouth brushed the sensitive skin of her center. She couldn't look away from him as he teased her with the tip of his tongue. This was not something she expected, nor was it something she had much experience with.

Her body arched and her fingers gripped his shoulder tightly when he stopped teasing her and devoted himself to satisfying her. Audrey's excitement grew, if it was still possible. She couldn't even understand all those sensations. The pulse inside her increased and the heat took over her body, making her gasp with each new caress. Siegfried had nimble fingers and it was not long before he found a tender spot insed of her to dedicate himself to.

Unable to control herself, Audrey moved her hips against his face, increasing friction and lost track of time immersed in the waves of pleasure he evoked from her center that spread throughout her body in a continuous tide until she lost control and felt the first spasm. Audrey gasped hard, her muscles contracted and a groan escaped her lips when stars exploded inside her eyelids.

Her body trembled, she felt Siegfried's hands holding her against the bed as he continued his ministrations. 

It was intense in a way that she couldn't understand. Her body became extremely sensitive and while she wanted him to continue she also wanted him to stop. This was too much. She smiled, digging her nails into the sheet beside her as her body absorbed the pleasure until at last she fell limp, sweaty and gasping against the bed.

The silence in the room was broken only by her heavy breathing. Gradually Audrey regulated her breathing and when she opened her eyes she saw Siegfried lying on his side watching her with that irritatingly smug smile on his lips. She wanted to say something sarcastic, she wanted to tease him, but she couldn't find the right thing to say. 

"I've never..." She started. _I've never felt anything this strong before_. The words were lost when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him, kissing her deeply as he wrapped his arms and body around her.

Audrey felt her own taste in his mouth despite the cherry touch that both had in his mouth and again her body reacted. 

Siegfried stroked her backs. Their legs entwined, making him moan when his arousal brushed her leg with a little more force than he expected. 

Audrey managed to notice not only how much he held on, but how he felt for her and that love enveloped her. This moment was supposed to be for both of them, but he seemed determined to dedicate it to her. The world could end there, in that perfect instant. 

Her palms rested against his beard. She loved the feel of it tickling her face and neck, but she found that she loved it even more when it made goose bumps rise on her skin when brushing her breasts, belly and, especially, the inside of her thighs.

The air cleared from their lungs and when they parted their mouths to catch their breath their eyes met. They looked into each other's eyes for a long time trying to memorize each other's expressions at that exact moment before the final act.

"I've been dying to do this." He commented at last, breaking the moment. 

It was then that she noticed his fingers pulling the pins out of her hair. Audrey laughed and helped him. 

The strands were slowly being released and spreading across the pillow while he ran his fingers through each one with care and affection. Siegfried gathered all the pins and reached out to place them on the nightstand before turning to her and looking at her with such tenderness that she felt her heart sink into her chest.

"I love you." He simply said and she blinked her eyes to keep from tearing them up. "You know that, don't you?"

"I can see it on your face." She murmured back. It was true, she saw it on his face all the time now and she had seen it from the first moment. "I love you too."

Siegfried didn't seem to have any doubts about that.

Their noses brushed for a brief moment before their lips met for a slow, lingering kiss that lasted until they were both out of air. 

Siegfried clung to her and Audrey took advantage of the situation to roll the two of them on the bed until she was on top of him. Kisses were exchanged, and she felt him pulse against her abdomen, piquing her curiosity of what it would be like to have him inside her. 

She wanted to ask him if she could go on, if he didn't want to keep dictating the pace of events, but his hands against her hip urging her to move was enough of an answer. 

The fire in his eyes only instigated her and she made a wavy movement with her hips, drawing a strong breath from him, which was soon drowned out by a deeply heated kiss. He wrapped his arms around her back, trying to keep her there, close to him, but she broke away from the hug and propped herself up on her knees as she slid her right hand across his chest in a slow moment. She wanted him to know and anticipate what was coming next. A small teasing for all that he got her through that night. 

This time, when her fingers found the hem of his underwear, Siegfried was not opposed to her touch and helped to slide the piece of clothing down his legs with almost desperate urgency. 

"Siegfried?"

"Hm?" He replied, unable to utter a word. 

"You need to take it out before you..." It's ridiculous and she knew it. They were naked, clinging to each other and seconds from becoming one, but there were still things she couldn't say openly. 

"Oh!" He looked suddenly desperate and she feared he was going to lose control, but he nodded. 

Neither breathed as she wrapped her hand around him and positioned herself to slowly slide him inside.

In a word: exquisite. In two: exactly perfect. Like two pieces of a puzzle that had been separated too long, they fit perfectly.

Audrey closed her eyes and felt Siegfried's fingers dig deep into the flesh of her hip as they both got used to the sensation. She didn't remember how nice it was to be filled by a man like that and she knew she would never feel that way with anyone else. Never.

Siegfried vibrated inside her, dangerously close to the end before it even started and his red face made it clear that he was holding his breath.

"Breathe, love." She asked him, gently squeezing his shoulder.

Siegfried complies and takes a deep breath once, twice, three times. Finally he regained part of the control. 

"I am deeply sorry have to say this, but I will not last long." He said in one breath. 

"It's all right." She leaned over to kiss him again.

The change in angle took another hard breath from him and she tried not to contract her internal muscles, but she failed miserably and moaned against his mouth as she moved her hips for the first time, slowly.

The feeling is... wonderful! Their bodies seemed to have been made for each other in every way. Audrey leaned on the mattress with one hand and touched his face with the other, her fingertips close to his ear.

Siegfried clenched his teeth and his hands slide from her hips to her back, his fingertips touching the bones of her spine in a tempting way and shivering for a brief moment. The muscles in her legs soon started to complain about the exercise and burned when she reached a steady pace. 

The sensation went on and Audrey's breathing became irregular, but she didn't stop and Siegfried's hands hold her breasts, massaging them with a little more pressure than before. It is perfect beyond what she had been able to imagine.

For a long moment she concentrated only on the pleasurable sensation that the continuous movement aroused within her and did not notice when Siegfried strained under her. 

"I can't do it anymore." He said, his voice husky. The answer he was looking for was in her eyes.

Audrey stopped moving and Siegfried took a deep breath before wrapping an arm around her and bringing her to him. His mouth found hers shortly afterwards for a ravenous kiss.

He buried one hand in her hair and with the other he maintained a gentle pressure against the base of her spine so that she wouldn't move. Then he finally moved, firmly, in quick, deep movements. 

Siegfried made love in the same way he behaved: frantic, intense, loud, precise and yet with that subtle touch of kindness that he always tried to hide. 

Audrey buried her face in his. That was it, she finally understood. They were each other's, there was no turning back. They had only what would come from there. The future. All of it. Her vision became blurred. No jolts of pleasure spreading over her body this time. The pleasure came suddenly, ending any coherent thought. Everything turned into stars. 

"Oh, Siegfried..." She moaned when her body contracted and her muscles tightened.

Maybe it was the way she said his name. Audrey felt him vibrate inside her and his hands held her tighter against him. He moved two more times as she floated on the waves of pleasure and let out a yelp when her hips moved away quickly. He had managed to control himself at last.

* * *

The first was followed by the second, which preceded the third and they finally fell exhausted each on a pillow, with silly smiles on their lips and trembling limbs.

Audrey never intended, but she slept there, wrapped in his scent and his warmth for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I got carried away with it. :X


	16. Chapter 16

**_April 8, 1838_ **

“People can be dreadful, my dear. I'm sorry to say that they are jealous. Many of these ladies have tried unsuccessfully to attract Siegfried's attention in recent years. Just pay no attention, in time they will all accept defeat.”

Audrey was startled by Mrs. Pumphrey's words. Until that moment she was distracted watching James and Helen dancing together. They looked happy and that made her even happier, despite the uncomfortable looks and the fact that she felt extremely out of place among Darrowby's society. She didn't fit that type of event, not even among those people, she might never fit, but it was a small sacrifice that she knew she would have to make, if only for the sake of appearances.

"I knew he was popular, but not that popular."

“Oh, you have no idea! Maybe it's better that you don't.” Mrs. Pumphrey laughed, winking and Audrey returned with a smile. She had heard enough comments to know how popular he was, but she had an idea that his popularity remained after all the gossip. "I hope you're enjoying the party." Enjoyiment was relative. She was having fun dancing with Siegfried, the food was divine and the champagne was unlike anything she had ever tasted, but there, standing in a corner alone, the feeling of inadequacy was strong.

“It's been a unique experience, Mrs. Pumphrey. Thank you for the invitation."

“Well, I dare say that this is just the first of many. Siegfried told me and I was delighted with the news. I haven't seen him so happy in a long time. Congratulations, my dear, I’m sure you both will be very happy together.” 

Audrey smiled, shyly, feeling her face flush. Of course he had told, he was very anxious to do that, spread the news across the four winds for everyone to know. At the end of the month, she would stop being Audrey Hall, to become Audrey Farnon. Exciting and terrifying at the same time.

* * *

_ Siegfried decided that Wednesdays would be his day off, announced this to the boys a few days earlier, but only told Audrey that morning, after breakfast with an "Audrey, we are going to spend the afternoon out!". He said that hurriedly accompanied by a kiss onher forehead before he strode out of the kitchen whistling. _

_ She ran to do the shopping she needed and get the dress for Mrs. Pumphrey's party, that dreadful event that she tried to escape with all her arguments and that started an astronomical and foolish argument between them. Siegfried liked parties and it was obvious that he wanted to have her as his plus one. Audrey, however, was not inclined to such events and the absence of a proper outfit was a defeated argument with "Just buy a damn dress!"  _

_ But that afternoon the silly discussion was forgotten when he pulled her hand out of the house and they wandered aimlessly through the region's roadss to an isolated point at the top of a valley, where the landscape stretched to the horizon in sunny green fields, dotted with stone walls and sparse trees. _

_ It was beautiful and welcoming, even more so in his company. A blanket, cheese, bread and a bottle of wine appeared on the rover's back seat and the two of them had their first afternoon off.  _

_ "There's something I've been thinking about for some time." Siegfried started absently. They were sitting side by side on the blanket with half glasses of wine in hand and the warm sun keeping the danger of the cool breeze away. "You see, that night at the Christmas fair, I felt a certenty I only had felt once before in my life." Audrey turned to look at him, but he was looking at the horizon and she could only see his profile. "The fact is..." He stopped, cleared his throat. “That night I was sure that you and I would be... forever. Or at least forever whenever life allows us to have.” Siegfried smiles briefly to himself. Sometimes forever has a set time, she understood, it had been like that for him and Evelyn and it had been like that for her too. _

_ "So when you told me you might want more, it was the incentive I needed to put my certainty into practice." He continued and shook his head. She could only look at his face, hooked by his words. "The invitation to spend the night in the city was not my first idea, I had something more definite in mind, but I decided to take a chance and well..." He finally turned his face towards her, with that smug smile.  _

_ "I ended up putting things a little ahead." She completed, smiling back.  _

_ "You could say that, but it couldn't have been better, could it?" No, I couldn't. Those last two months had been the most ridiculously insane and happy months in her life. They sneaking around the house to have a moment of privacy, like two fugitives, all the time... “We have reversed the normal order of events. At least, he order for people of the other century, apparently. ” Siegfried muttered the last sentence, looking away and she narrowed her eyes instinctively. Audrey didn't want to imagine what he had been talking to Tristan about, but then she understood what he was getting at. Her heart raced, the air left her lungs, and her fingers tightened holding the blanket. He was proposing! It seemed like a natural evolution of their relationship, but she didn't expect it, not anytime soon. _

_ "I didn't remember what it was like to be so completely happy until that night at the fair and I don't want we to lose another second of that happiness by having to hide." Siegfried continued, looking at her again. “I know that sometimes I can be... difficult? Or annoying, as you like to remind me.” He laughed, his face flushed. He took her left hand in his. "And yet, I wonder if instead of having a lying annoying husband, you'd like to have a real one."  _

_ Audrey looked at him for a long moment before noticing the ring he held between his fingers. The words escaped her and she only managed to look at him, appalled, until her eyes lost focus completely. They were more blurry than a car windshield during a storm.  _

_ They. Together. Married. _

_ "Do you want to be my wife, Audrey?" He put the ring over his leg and cupped her face. His thumb brushed away her tears. Siegfried was smiling at her.  _

_"I do." She finally managed to say. And then she was crying and laughing, with a ring on her finger, her arms around him and a feeling of happiness so strong that she didn't know it existed._

* * *

"Why do men never manage to keep these things secret?" She asked Mrs. Pumphrey, eliciting a laugh from the older woman.

"I don't know, my dear, I feel that perhaps they are more excited about the prospect of marriage than women."

"They have more to gain." Audrey noted.

"Oh, that's for sure." The two laughed relaxed. Despite the social abbys that separated them, Audrey noticed that Mrs. Pumphrey was quite different from what she imagined her to be.

“What ‘they have more to gain’?” There he was, back with a new glass of champagne in his hands and his suspicious look.

“Men, with marriage. You have a lot more to gain with marriage than women.”

"Ah yes." Siegfried gave Audrey a small malicious smile and turned to Mrs. Pumphrey with a wink. "We definitely do."

* * *

_Much, much later that night, in his bed, soon to be theirs, he kissed her, slowly, gently, deeply. His hands ran over her body touching her softly. Audrey felt her body on fire. He would be her husband and she would be his wife. Mrs. Farnon. That simply acknowledge was enough to make her dizzy._

_“You don’t have to stop.” She mumbled into his ear. This caught his attention and Siegfried shifted his position to look at her. “That’s it, if you don’t want to.”_

_He took a moment, absorbing the implications of her words. Doesn’t stop would open the door to possibilities, would let nature and God decide for them. He remembered the anxiety, the wait, the hope he and Evelyn used to have every single month. That’s something he doesn’t want back in his life, not with Audrey. But then he remembered Audrey and Evelyn were nothing alike. This is would be a shot in the dark. They would be happy if it happened and he was sure they would be happy if it didn’t. If she want to see what God had for them so be it. He nodded. No words were spoken about it, but the glance they exchanged told each other all they needed to know._

_That nigh things went differently. There’s no stocking on, no smug smiles, no malice. They were temptive with each other. They stared into each other’s eyes for long moments and loved each other tenderly._

_He made love to her all night long. Siegfried held her like she was a precious delicate flower, he touched her like she was made of sand, he worshiped her body and enchanted her soul._

_If they were letting bigger forces decide for them, Siegfried made sure a child from them would have been made of love. He was a romantic! Audrey smiled as she caressed his face, smoothing the lines on the corner of his eyes._

_“I love you.” She whispered to him, when he was almost sleep._

* * *

**_ April 10, 1838  _ **

Despite the overwhelming sense of happiness, Siegfried worried. His main concern was with the possibilities. It was only four days since he had proposed, four days that they had allowed nature to do it's will, but he was unable to get all the “what ifss” out of his mind.

Audrey didn't seem particularly concerned about that. Her mind was focused on Edward and how he would react when he saw her at his door and how he would react to the news.

This is Siegfried's second concern and the most important at the moment. 

Sitting beside him, Audrey wrung her hands together in her lap as she watched the landscape change thru the car's window. The distance to Darlington was short. It would be a quick trip for him, but he knew it would last forever for her. 

"I can't tell Edward about our marriage by letter." She told him last night and promptly he offered to take her to see her boy.

It was strange that in two years Edward had never been to Darrowby. Something serious seemed to have driven mother and son away, but Audrey didn't seem ready to talk about it and he didn't insist, just said that they could go see him the next day and pulled her gently to him, wrapping her in a hug.

So here they were.

"It looks like this is it." He said, when they finally stopped in front of a simple but well-kept two-story building. "It doesn't look bad." 

"No, it doesn't." She agreed, her voice weak. Siegfried noticed that she looked shaky. The anxiety for that moment had reached a critical point and Audrey seemed to have lost her nerve. "I've done this so many times." She confessed, looking at the building and the grocery store on the ground floor. Was this where he had been working? They wondered. 

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Audrey looked back at him. No, she wanted to do that alone. "Yes." She answered. But there were certain things we cannot do alone. 

With the car parked, they crossed the street and went up the stairs. The building looked good on the inside as well. Simple, but well-kept. Edward had written to his mother about life changes and to Siegfried, judging by what they saw, those change had been positive.

They didn't take long to locate apartment number 22. Standing in front of the door Audrey looked at him, visibly scared and he, holding firm for her, squeezed her hand slightly in a gesture of reassurance. Everything would be fine. It was a quick visit and Edward was a man, not a boy, he would understand. At least Siegfried hoped so.

Siegfried knocked on the door and they waited for a few seconds. The building was quiet, perhaps the other residents were out working or having a day out that Sunday afternoon. What if he wasn't there too? But that was not the case, they heard footsteps on the other side of the door and the key turned in the lock.

A short girl with big brown eyes and light hair opened the door a crack. He knew that girl. Not that version of her, but the her younger self. It didn't take more than two seconds for her crack a wide smile.

“Mr. Farnon! ” The girl said in surprise, letting the door open wide to greet him. 

"Anne Thompson!" 

"Now it's Anne Hall." She corrected with an even bigger smile, resting her hand on the swollen belly of an intermediate pregnancy, perhaps five or six months. _Oh, God._ “I'm a married woman now and soon my husband and I will have our first child. I hope it's a boy. Eddie is going to be a great dad.” Anne chattered happily. 

Siegfried tried to keep a smile on his lips and tried to look completely happily surprised and not shocked. Anne was so absorbed in her own happiness that she didn't even notice. 

Audrey... Poor Audrey. He shot a quick look at her. She was frozen in the same place, her face pale, her eyes wide, partially hidden by her hat and her low head, fixed on Anne's belly. If she were a weak woman she would have passed out, he was sure.

The irony of the situation didn't go unnoticed by either. Audrey would be a grandmother in no time. 

"Congratulations! It is very good to know that you have your own family now, after all that you and your mother have been through...” The Thompson's had a small property on the outskirts of Darrowby, but Anne and her mother lost everything when Mr. Thompson died leaving debts neither knew existed until that moment.

Anne and Tristan used to play together. 

"We have been through more than you think." Anne said, without being overwhelmed. “It is a huge surprise to see you. What are you doing here?" 

"Ah yes." Siegfried shifted his body weight from one leg to another, trying to find a way to clarify that  preposterous  situation. He put a hand on Audrey's back. "We actually came to see Edward Hall."

The girl looked at them doubtfully. For that she did not expect. Well, to be honest, neither did him. Anne then turned to Audrey, who finally looked up from the girl's belly. They looked at each other and Anne soon saw something in Audrey that made her panting. 

"Oh..." Anne covered her mouth with her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems to me that Edward has a lot to explain. :X
> 
> Thanks for reading and reviews are very much appreciated.


	17. Chapter 17

"Eddie said his mother worked for a vet in Darrowby, but he never went into details. He is a little reserved about certain matters and I didn't think it was..." The girl said to Audrey, with an apologetic tone, but she lost her words. The situation was extremely embarrassing and complicated. "Please enter. He will be here soon. With the baby he has been working part-time on Sundays. Do you want some tea?”

They entered the small living room and sat down. Anne kept talking to keep the discomfort out of the situation and Audrey couldn't help but face her. She was going to be a grandmother. She was going to be a grandmother in a very short time. Edward hid from her not only the fact that he was married, but also the child. Would he ever tell her about the baby?

This doubt was the most painful of all. Everything she did she did to make him learn a important lesson, so that he became someone different from his father. He had to pay the consequences of his actions, it was the right thing to do. Did he not even understand now that he was about to be a parent?

"How far are you?" Audrey shot in a low tone, surprising the girl.

"About six months." Anne smiled, placing her hands on her stomach. Of course. By that time the child was already moving a lot. A child of her son. It was supposed to be a happy time with so many good things happening, and yet she felt sad. "Eddie didn't told you about it?"

Audrey felt more than she saw Siegfried shifting his position beside her. Anne had the impression that she knew, that Edward had come to see her. It was clear that Edward was hiding things from his wife and lying to her, which made the whole situation even more disconcerting.

"I haven't seen Edward since I left for Darrowby." Anne bit her bottom lip, visibly surprised by this new development.

"I see." A nervous laugh escaped her lips. "A tea! We need tea.” She said and left for the kitchen with quick steps.

Of all the scenarios she had imagined, and she had imagined some very serious ones, that was not an option. Audrey sank onto the couch, sighing. Her heart was about to leap out of her mouth and her hands were shaking.

Edward always had the ability to provoke the most intense reactions in her. Love, disappointment, joy, sadness. But this time she couldn't even begin to understand her feelings. He had hidden the truth from her, he had lied to his wife and she could only imagine what else would come out of that Pandora's box that the situation had become.

"My darling..." Siegfried murmured and took her hand. His look of consternation only made the lump on her chest want to explode. Audrey rubbed her free hand over her face gently and bit her bottom lip for a moment. It was a nightmare, it could only be.

With a burning nose and elaborate breathing, she wished she could hide her face in his chest and cry, but she took a deep breath in time to see Anne return with the tea.

The silence had become heavy while tea was being served. Audrey put the cup down on her knees and held it tightly with both hands.

“Eddie told me in february that he was going to see you and he went to Darrowby. My intention was to stop for a brief visit in december, but it seemed a little early. Not every pregnancy comes to an end and because this is my first one I did not want to awaken a hope that perhaps would not come to a term. So we agreed that as soon as the first quarter had passed we would go, but I had work to do and Eddie said he would go alone. It would be better for him to explain the situation on his own, he said, and I thought maybe it was.” Anne said, giving a brief, embarrassed smile at last. She also held the cup in both hands. “When he returned he said that we should expect a visit from you soon. I thought that maybe you hadn't handled the news well, I hoped that maybe with time... I think I got the wrong impression of you, Mrs. Hall. Please, forgive me.

"I would never..." How to explain that she would never turn her back on him? On them! Edward was perhaps too young to have a family and certainly immature and unprepared in many ways, but Audrey would never fail to accept the daughter-in-law and the child.

"You don't have to apologize and call me Audrey, please." She continued, giving her daughter-in-law a brief kind smile. “If he came to Darrowby, I didn't get to see him. We didn't have as much contact as I told you. Sometimes we exchanged letters, he even wrote to me at Christmas, saying he had news, but he didn't tell me what it was and I decidesd it would be besto to wait until he wanted to tell me. There is no use trying to force him, it only makes things worse.” Audrey gave a nervous laugh and shook her head. “If I had known, I would have come immediately. We only came now because, Mr. Farnon and I..."

Anne looked at her expectantly. Her words had brought great relief to the daughter-in-law. How Edward had managed to win over that affable and happy girl was a mystery even to her.

"I mean, Siegfried and I, we're getting married and I wanted to tell Edward personally."

“Oh! I didn't know... Well it's clear that there are many things that I don't know. What a wonderful news, congratulations! ” Anne's excitement was so genuine that Audrey swallowed, giving an awkward smile. It became clear that the fact that Siegfried wanted to marry her was an important testament to her character.

Anne seemed to have a distorted view of Audrey. To make matters worse this view came from a series of events that she had not even participated in. Audrey still wondered if Edward would have told Anne about the past and how he would have done it.

"Thank you, we are very..." Siegfried had started to answer when the apartment door was opened.

Audrey turned on the couch and her fingers gripped the cup more tightly.

Whenever she thought of her son she remembered him as a young man, almost a boy, in the days when they still used to spend hours together and having a mother was not such a burden for him. Edward in front of her was a man at twenty one. He looked taller, his shoulders wider, his hair fuller and his eyes brighter, contrasting with the blank expression on his face.

"Mother." He sighed, watching his castle of lies collapse with a single breath.

* * *

Siegfried understood at once how Anne had recognized Audrey. Edward couldn't be more like his mother. The same cheekbones, the same contained expression, the same hair and the same eyes.

The untouched cup of tea returned to the tray and in the next second Audrey wrapped her arms around her son. Gradually Edward's rigid posture relaxed, making her sigh loudly when he hugged her back. Siegfried didn't need to see her face to know that emotions had won that battle.

"You became a man!” Audrey turned away from her son and looked at him for a long time.

"What are you doing here?" His tone was impersonal.

"Your mom came to tell you some news, Eddie, and ended up discovering some herself." Anne intruded and her gentle smile did not mask her discontent with the situation.

"I can imagine." Edward's eyes met Siegfried's for a brief moment. Somehow he seemed to know.

"So you went to Darrowby, after all." Anne stated. She also seemed to have understood what happened.

"If you went over there, why didn't you talk to me, Edward?" Audrey looked at her son, oblivious to what was going on. "You seemed very busy making a scene in the middle of the street, mother." By Edwar's tone he had probably seen them together. An innocent kiss was far from making a scene and all the comments that had accumulated in Siegfried's mouth were swallowed one by one.

At that moment Audrey needed his support, not him making that already delicate situation worse.

Her shoulders sank and she lowered her head. Siegfried felt the heat of tension rising up his neck and flexed his right hand in a spasmodic gesture. Despite being a man Edward behaved like a spoiled boy.

"I see..." Audrey said in a weak voice and looked around, as if searching for lost words around the room that would help her form a sentence. There was obviously none. She took a breath and tried to smile. "This is Mr. Farnon, my..."

Siegfried saw her hesitate.

"My husband to be." She completed. Edward raised an eyebrow in a false expression of surprise that did not dispel disdain.

"I thought you worked for him, not that he was your...’patner'." His words were clearly intended to hurt Audrey and Siegfried wondered why.

What had happened between them? Did Edward blame her for leaving and leaving her husband behind? Separations were not easy, but he was not a child, he should have overcome this issue. If that ere the question.

Once again Audrey was left without a reaction and Siegfried remembered Dorothy's words _"Edward will always hurt her."_ Usually she would defend herself, but she seemed unable to do so when the attack came from her son.

"The nature of our relationship has recently changed and now that it has taken a definite turn we have made it a point to come and tell you the news in person." Siegfried replied, unable to contain himself any longer. His polite tone did not hide the sarcasm and the fact that he stood up did not seem to have an effect on Edward, who was a good ten centimeters taller than him. "A matter of respect and consideration, I think you can understand." He held out his hand to the lad. "Nice to finally meet you."

Edward studied him for a long moment before greeting him briefly.

"I don't know if I told you this Eddie, but Mr. Farnon used to go to the farm..." Anne started to tell Edward, leaving the obvious discussions they needed to have for a moment of privacy.

Her words were lost when Siegfried settled back next to Audrey on the couch. She seemed less tense, but no less upset.

* * *

Anne made everything look simple and easier with her flood of information. She talked about how they have met in May of the previous year - she took a weekend trip to Scarborough with a friend to visit another friend and they met in a pub where Edward was working. They saw each other for two days and exchanged informations, a week later Edward went to see her in Darlington.

The courtship did not last more than three months before they were married. Edward then moved to Darlintgton and got a job. Then the baby came.

The child already showed signs of restlessness still in the mother's womb, it didn't stop for a minute during the night and she sometimes spent most of the night being kicked. They expected it to be a boy and were choosing names. If it was a girl, there were no doubt, the name would be Alice.

Audrey listened carefully, taking in every detail. At least the son had not been married out of obligation, a good thing in all that confusion. And he seemed to like Anne and watched her with affection as she spoke. 

When the report was over, Anne finally asked about the marriage and how their relationship changed, since it was something recent, as Siegfried had commented. The wedding would be at the end of the month, just a trip to the registry office and a family lunch. The honeymoon plans had not yet been agreed.

The conversation made Edward uncomfortable, Audrey noticed. He shifted in his seat and keept staring at a random spot on the rug. Audrey wanted the chance to talk frankly with her son, without embarrassing him in front of his wife and without Siegfried being able to intrude, but this was not the time. 

Hoping that meetings like this would become routine, Audrey relaxed as the conversation progressed and Siegfried told Anne about the biggest changes in Darrowby society. He always knew what was going on around the town.

In the end they left leaving an invitation for Anne and Edward to come to Darrowby for a visit next week and with the certainty given by Anne that they would be present for the wedding celebration.

* * *

On the way home, Audrey seemed more controlled. He expected her to cry, but she didn't. 

Talking to Anne had worked and after that first half an hour of tension the situation only progressed in the next hour, although Edward said little. Siegfried felt a weight come off his shoulders. He feared that the situation would get worse and he would end up making it worse by stepping in to fend for Audrey, but his intrusion had put a stop to Edward's actions. 

Perhaps he was not used to confronting other men directly. A cowardly and low attitude. Siegfried keept this opinion to himself.

When Audrey told him the reason why she and her son was so distant, she did it in the dim light of the bedroom, after they lay together in the bed that would soon be theirs as if they were already married. Something that had been happening more often than would have been prudent for the past two months.

Siegfried had no reason to complain. He willingly gave his shoulder as a pillow and his arms as a blanket for her every night, although they had to sneak around the house to keep James or Tristan from finding out. Or rather, so Audrey wouldn't discover that they knew. 

Avoiding his gaze, she told him about the theft, about how she handed her son over to her ex-boss and how Edward expected her to lie for him as she did for his father. She told him how her mistake with her ex-husband did her son more harm than good and how it was impossible for her to hide Edward's mistake. It was wrong, it was immoral and it would only give him the certainty of impunity. Lie for him would be the first step on a path of no return. 

Audrey said that she hid the truth for fear that he would think badly of her and that was why she had no references.

"As if I had any option but to hire you." He commented, more to himself than to her, but it made her laugh. 

"No one could put up with you?" She asked and when he nodded she sighed "Thank the lord!"

At the time he thought he would never find someone suitable for the job, or the height of the challenge. Until she appears. 

Siegfried kissed Audrey on the forehead. His fingers stroked her hair languidly and he noticed that they had grown in the past few months. 

They were silent for a long time. Audrey's eyes closed and the only indication that she was awake was her pursed lips. He wondered what she was thinking about and if there was anything he could do to take her worries away. Yes, there was, but sex wasn't always the answer to everything. Some concerns had to be rationalized as quickly as possible in order not to become a burden. 

"Anne seemed to be a good lass." Audrey commented after a long silence.

"And indeed she is. Anne is that kind of girl who has a huge heart, infinite patience, who is not afraid of hard work and has strong principles. In fact, it reminds me of someone.” They exchanged a brief, meaningful look. Anne and Audrey had a lot in common. "Your son was lucky to find a girl like her."

Edward had won the lottery by choosing Anne Thompson. There was no better girl.

“I want to be happy for them, but I'm concerned. I don't know if Edward is ready for the responsibility of being a father.”

"Anne will help him with that when the time comes." Siegfried reassured her. Audrey sighed and snuggled closer to his side.

One thing does not come out of his head - the child. Audrey had made clear her willingness to try for a child and he had agreed, even if tacitly. It would be strange, wouldn't it? Being a grandmother and becoming a mother again at the same time? That if having a child was a real possibility for them. Yes, it would be strange and confusing, he concluded. 

Her silence worried him.

"You are going to be a grandmother." He commented after another moment of silence.

"I know and to be honest I still haven't managed to assimilate that."

"It is ironic how some things happen." Siegfried said to himself. "Maybe that's the answer after all."

Audrey shot him an indecipherable look and turned away from his arms.

"We better sleep, tomorrow will be a long day."

A long day like any other, he thought when she turned off the light.


	18. Chapter 18

**_April 19, 1938_ **

"What are you doing?" Audrey asks in surprise when she saw Tristan and James coming down the stairs carrying the desk Siegfried had in his room.

"My lunatic brother decided to dismantle the bedroom, my dear Mrs. H." Tristan complained between his teeth as he concentrated not to fall. "Where do we put this desk?"

She looked around, unsure. With so much going on in her head she hoped that Siegfried would heard her about reorganizing the room to turn it into an easy and smooth process. Of course he hadn't heard.

"Oh my... Leave it here, it doesn't fit in my room for now." She pointed to the corner of the hall, next to the phone. "I'm going to see what he's up to this time."

Siegfried had not only had the desk removed, but had dismantled more than half the wardrobe and a good part of the dresser, something she saw when she leaned against the bedroom door and crossed her arms.

Standing in front of the wardrobe, with his shirt sleeves folded up to his elbow and his hair slightly messed up, he was trying to decide whether what was left on the furniture should come out or not. As banal as the situation was, her heart warmed upon watching him. Even though his clothes and belongings were scattered everywhere, she only felt love for him. Which did not prevent her from rolling her eyes. After all, no matter how much she loved him, Siegfried was still exasperating sometimes.

"We had agreed to do this together." She commented. Her eyes went over the mess.

"I thought I could do it myself, since these are my things and you have a lot to do yourself." Siegfried looked around at the mess, looking determined.

Yes, she had many things to do. In addition to household chores, she found that a few weeks was a short time even to organize a small wedding. There was lunch, the dress and its adjustments, the reorganization of the rooms, the organization of the house for when they were out on their honeymoon and...

Oh, that was something that had been worrying her. Tristan had announced that as a best man the honeymoon would be in charge of him and when she tried to find out what he had been up to, Tristan just kissed her on the cheek and said _“Don't worry, Mrs. H, everything will be perfect."_

Siegfried's tranquility on the subject only made her more suspicious than what was to come.

"And how's it going?" Audrey asked mockingly.

"I'm not sure." He took a long breath and she wanted to laugh. Laugh and hug that man who was sometimes so pragmatic and at other times so confused and clumsy.

"If you had done it gradually, it would have been easier."

"If I had done it gradually, I certainly wouldn't have done it." Siegfried grunted, frowning.

Audrey grinned and lowered her head with a sigh. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't, but she didn't say anything, just walked into the room and stopped beside him, analyzing the clothes in the wardrobe quickly. She knew all the pieces he had scattered around the room and knew exactly which ones would stay and which ones should go. If he had listened to her, that would be a very quick and simple task.

The newer suits were in place and she found, looking over her shoulder, that the old ones that no longer fit him were the ones he was on the bed. The shirts were in a dangerously crooked pile and the rest... He had mixed all up! Audrey took a deep breath.

"At least now there is room for you to bring your dressing table." His comment sounded hopeful, the closest to an apology he would get.

“You know that dressing table is the last thing that will come up. I need it in the morning to get ready.” She commented absently, while finally starting to remove the pieces that no longer fit him from the piles.

"All the more reason to bring it our bedroom." His suggestion was obvious enough, and it was supported by a little smile full of ulterior motives.

"Siegfried..." The warning was implied in her voice. Audrey continued to sort the clothes and put the ones that no longer fit into a different pile.

"Yes, yes, I know! We need to continue to keep up appearances for another week.” He mumbled again as he watched her. "Why are you separating these?" He asked indicating the suits he had not used for over a year.

Audrey took two pants, an old one and a newer one, and overlaid them. The difference around the waist was obvious.

"Because they obviously don't fit you anymore."

"All the blame belongs to you and your cooking."

Yes and no. Those suits were the ones he wore after Evelyn's death, but Audrey didn't point that out. Grief had taken a toll he did not seem to have realized. The man she lived with was in many ways a different man from the one she met when she arrived in Darrowby.

In the past few years they had gone through many difficult moments, but little by little, with each other's support, they recovered and were now beginning to organize the life they would lead together. Sometimes Audrey felt like she was living a dream.

“It's not like I make you eat. And besides, I need some space for my stuff.”

"Does that mean I'm finally going to be able to see the mysterious purchases you made with Dorothy last week?"

Dorothy had accompanied her to buy the dress and insisted that she should buy some new clothes, after all she would now be the lady of the house and a married woman. Didn't she remember what that was like? Not to mention the fact that they would go on their honeymoon. She needed some new things to use.

Although slightly embarrassed and flushed, they spent a fun afternoon and Audrey returned home with a dress for the weeding, some new clothes to wear on the honeymoon and one or two pieces to wear to sleep.

"Anxious, aren't we?" She commented with sarcasm, analyzing the clothes. They were all relatively new and might need an adjustment or two, but nothing that she couldn't solve. "I think these fit James." Audrey grumbles more to herself than to him.

"I cannot deny it and say that I am not anxious, but perhaps there's something we can do to alleviate the anxiety..." Siegfried said taking the garments out of her hand.

His eyes had that malicious gleam and she knew exactly what kind of idea he was having to ease the anxiety.

"The boys can come up and you should be helping me." She tried to argue, even though she knew it wasn't true. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close.

"They went to Sharpe's farm, it will take at least an hour for them to be back."

"We need to finish..." Her words were lost when his mouth found hers.

Audrey made no effort to resist. His mouth against hers was warm and welcome. Wrapping her arms around him, she kissed him back, a smile on her lips.

"A fifteen minute break is not going to slow us down significantly." He murmured against her mouth.

"Fifteen minutes?" Audrey repeated with disdain.

"Empires came and went in that same period of time, I think I can make it interesting enough for us." He said it with such certainty that although she was laughing as he pressed her against the bedroom door and his hands lifted her skirt, Audrey couldn't help but believe his intentions.

In fact, he knew how to make a short break an very interesting event.

* * *

**_April 22, 1938_ **

"What a beautiful afternoon."

Siegfried didn't need much to be suspicious of Tristan lately, and the false casualty didn't fool him.

Shifting his attention away from the rover to watch his brother as he wrung the cloth with which he had been cleaning the car's windshield. Seigfried wondered what he could have done. Tristan had his hands buried in his trouser pockets, and despite pretending to be casual, he didn't look nervous or upset. The two probed each other.

"What did you do, little brother?" Siegfried asked, returning to the task of cleaning the car. "Just don't tell me it's about the honeymoon, James had assured me that we could expect something acceptable."

“The honeymoon will be perfect, big brother. And thank you so much for the trust.” Tristan's irony was evident. “I would never do anything to hurt my sister-in-law. It's actually her I want to talk about.” Tristan crossed his arms and leaned against the wall of the house.

The prompt comment attracted Siegfried's attention. Had he failed to notice something? He was sure she wasn't nervous or tense, busy, maybe, a little worried about what would happen at home in their absence, for sure. Not to mention Edward, Anne and the baby, who were constantly in her thoughts and prayers.

"I overheard her talking to Helen yesterday afternoon." Tristan was forced to continue in the face of his older brother's silence, who just peered at him.

"What kind of conversation?" Siegfried inquired slightly tense.

“An innocent conversation, actually. She is looking for something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue to wear at the wedding. It looks like she already has something blue and something new. Helen is going to give her something.”

"It's all right. And where do you want to go with this?”

"Something old is missing and I have something she can use." Tristan explained in a lower, uncertain, almost sheepish tone. Siegfried understood at the time what he was referring to and let out a sigh.

"Mother's pearls." He said.

"Yes, Mother's pearls." Tristan repeated. "I wanted to give them to her."

"Those pearls are yours, Tristan."

“Exactly, big brother. I can give them to whomever I want and I think they are perfect for my sister-in-law.”

At that point Siegfried could not challenge his brother. He also thought the old, delicate necklace perfectly matched Audrey, but that was part of the heritage of the mother who had stayed with Tristan. Pearls and the gift to draw.

"One day you will find someone you will want to marry and will give them to her."

"Just the point I wanted to get to." Tristan frowned momentarily. "I noticed that you bought a new engagement ring for Mrs. H. You didn't wear Mother's." He said quietly.

“Yes, you are correct. I gave Mother's engagement ring to Evelyn and...” Despite all the time that passed and all the changes that happened in Siegfried's life, he didn't talk about Evelyn with Tristan.

The youngest noded, he knew and understood.

"It didn't feel right to give it to Mrs. H, did it?"

"No." Siegfried agreed, without looking at his brother. Not because he didn't want her to keep her mother's ring, earrings and bracelet or because they could bring him memories, but because they belonged to Evelyn. Siegfried wanted Audrey to have her own things, for everything to have meaning only between them.

"The necklace perfectly matches the earrings you gave her for Christmas." Tristan bit the inside of his mouth and finally proposed, "We could make an exchange."

"An exchange?" Siegfried asked uncertainly.

"Your mother's stuff for the pearl necklace."

A new sigh escaped Siegfried's lips and his shoulders slumped as he stared at the pavement. His mother's jewelry had been given to Evelyn as a token of his love. The intention was to keep those jewels in the family. One day they would belong to their children, but Evelyn was no longer there and there were never any children. Maybe there never was, despite the hope that Audrey tried not to rub it in his face when the subject came up.

Tristan, on the other hand, would certainly have children and the purpose would be maintained. The engagement ring had been lucky. His parents had been happy, he and Evelyn had been happy, and Tristan and the girl he chose would be, too.

He finally nodded, making a noise when he cleared his throat.

"Well have an exchange then, little brother."

"Great!" Tristan smiled and walked away from the wall. "And let it be clear that I'm doing this only for my sister-in-law, big brother." He made a point of punctuate when he walked away.

Audrey loved that boy as if he were hers and Tristan had adopted her as soon as he met her.

"I'm sure her feeling for you is mutual." Siegfried replied in a louder tone, somewhat reluctantly, as his brother walked away.

"I know."

* * *

_**April 30, 1938** _

After so many days of organization, the morning that was supposed to be peaceful was not. It was difficult for the bride and groom to be in the same house and not meet. The kind of situation that involved several shouted conversations and Tristan and James policing their movements.

Siegfried gave up the couple's room so she could sleep and get dressed in the morning. Thus, Tristan had been relocated to Audrey's single bed for one night, while James slept his friend's bed, so that the older Farnon would have the bed James used. With Audrey locked in their room, Siegfried found himself able to organize everything at his will and did it in his own style.

Dorothy and Helen arrived early to help with breakfast and the bride to get ready. The three laughed inside the bedroom, making them curious and at one point Tristan had to knock at the door because his brother had forgotten the rings in the nightstand drawer.

Helen opened the door a crack and passed the box to him in a practical and quick gesture.

When Siegfried came into the livong room, he took one last look at the mirror and looked at his watch. There was no sign of Anne and Edward and it made him tense. He was confident that the girl would endeavor to make her husband attend her mother's wedding, but being so late, her confidence began to wobble.

"All set to go." Helen announced when she reached the room with Dorothy.

He nodded and turned to his brother. "Tristan..."

The two faced each other and the understanding between the two was quick. Tristan was supposed to take Audrey if Edward didn't show up. It would be a huge disappointment for her, but not a totally unexpected one. Despite the brief visit earlier this month and Anne's assurance that they would be there, there was always the possibility that something might go wrong or Edward would simply refuse to go. Audrey knew that.

"I'll take her." Tristan said seriously, giving a nod in response.

The Rover's key changed hands and Siegfried left with the others as serious as his brother.

* * *

Audrey couldn't look away from herself. That woman in the mirror was so different from the woman she had become in the past few years. She smiled, she was flushed, her eyes sparkled, her curly hair had been tiedin a delicate bun with the clip Helen had loaned her. She had hope and an unshakable confidence in her future husband. A feeling she knew she would never regret. Siegfried and she, despite the difference in genius and how to deal with situations, had the same principles, believed in the same things and loved each other.

The blue ribbon had been attached to the lining of the dress and Mrs. Farnon's old necklace contrasted beautifully with the new dress. In less than an hour she would be Mrs. Farnon. That woman she was becoming was about to start a new life. She would be a wife, the mistress of the house, grandmother and who knows...

A knock on the door. She had been so distracted, she didn't see the time go by.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, mother." Edward's voice was unmistakable.

Audrey jumped up from the dressing table and opened the door for her son, pulling him for a hug.

"I am immensely happy that you are here today, love." She said in a slightly choked voice.

"I didn't have much of a choice." Edward commented sarcastically and smiled when they looked at each other.

Anne had given her the assurance that they would come and they did. The relief of having them there was mixed with happiness and insisted on overflowing in her eyes. Oh, that would be a day of many tears, Audrey was sure. But tears of happiness.

"And Anne?" She asked.

"Downstairs, talking to the golden boy." Edward's tone was ironic this time.

"Tris?"

"Tris?" He repeated it with a hint of contempt, which sounded more like jealousy than anything else.

"He's a good boy."

"I've heard that a lot." There was that jealousy again.

Audrey couldn't help but smile at that comment and they were both silent. There was so much she wanted to say to her son, so many questions she would like to ask, but he was there and in that instant it was all that mattered.

Edward had become a handsome boy, a family man, would soon become a father and if he had not yet forgiven her at least he was able to tolerate the closeness between them without being acid. In fact, he seemed quite calm.

"I think we should go..." Edward said looking at his watch.

Audrey took one last look in the mirror and turned to her son.

"How am I?"

"You look beautiful, mother." Edward's little smile was a victory for Audrey.

The fact that Tristan said the same thing in a profusion of enthusiasm when they found him and Anne in the living room, however, made Edward snort.

* * *

None of them would remember anything else about the marriage except each other. Siegfried did not notice that Edward seemed almost relaxed when entered with his mother. Audrey did not see Tristan's happiness, nor the animated smiles of James and Helen.

Siegfried remembered how her eyes shone and how they were filled with tears when she stopped beside him. How the cream dress, although simple and with a small v-neck that revealed nothing, matched the pearls and fit her well, catching his eye. How she smiled when she saw him and how her hand held his while the registrar spoke. How she looked at him before signing Audrey Farnon for the first time in the record book. How she blinked several times to ward off more tears when he put the ring on her finger. And how she blushed when he kissed her the first time after they were married in front of everyone.

Audrey, on the other hand, immersed in a feeling that everything was just a dream, caught his ill-contained nervousness. The way he adjusted the sleeves of his gray lead jacket in an unconscious gesture. How he absorbed her with his gaze and yet conveyed a mixture of love and devotion that sometimes scared her. She would not forget how he stroked her fingers throughout the ceremony, nor how he whispered in her ear "I love you" after kissing her.

Despite everyone present, that moment was theirs.

* * *

No party at Skeldale House was really small, and of course the wedding wouldn't be. The closest friends had been invited and filled the house with conversation and laughter, but it was around the family that Audrey gravitated. Talking to Anne, Tristan, James and Helen, she laughed non-stop. Her daughter-in-law and Tristan had several memories in common and all of them filled with catastrophic potential events.

Siegfried noticed that he was not the only one watching. Edward looked at his mother intently as she interacted with the others. The love she felt for those people and they felt for her hung in the air so palpably that it could be touched. The boy seemed to notice this in all its intensity and it kept him away and silent. It was clear that he was jealous.

Audrey had something that made all those children look for her, whether for affection, advice or comfort. He was sure the same would happen with Anne and Edward's baby. That child would love his grandmother with the same devotion that she would love it.

Siegfried never wanted so much to have the ability to give her a child to love.

* * *

Audrey and Siegfried had talked to everyone for a while, spent considerable time with the boys, but had isolated himself in a corner to watch. Audrey wondered what was on his mind. His expression was distracted, almost distant.

"Why are you here alone, husband?"

"I was looking at them and thinking." He replied absently.

"About what?"

"A year ago it was just the two of us and now look..." Siegfried nodded at their direction

"We are a family." She completed.

"And one that is just starting to grow." It was impossible not to look at Anne and think about what lies ahead. Soon it would be James and Helen's turn, it was becoming more and more evident. She hoped they were lucky in that regard. It was too early to know. "I never thought I would have something like it after..."

He didn't need to say more. She understood.

"Neither did I, love."

Siegfried turned to her and the two looked at each other for a long time. As much as none of them thought they had anything even similar, they now had and could not be more satisfied.

Their hands met and their fingers intertwined. Joy, love and fulfillment filled them. And to think that a few months ago they didn't even know how they felt about each other. It had been absurd to be deprived of each other.

“It’s almost three. We should be going.”

"Here to, I wonder." Audrey grunted, under her breath.

“We’ll find out. I just can’t wait to get the bloody hell out of here and arrive to wherever we’re going.”

"Why such a hurry?"

"Do I really must tell you, my darling wife?" Siegfried returns, raising an eyebrow. His look said it all.

"Well, I wouldn’t mind listening to it, husband."

"Let me put it this way..."

He leaned toward her and the things he said in her ear made her blush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to update. I had a lot of doubts how to deal with this chapter. Hope you've liked it.  
> Question - honeymoon chapter with or without smut?


	19. Chapter 19

"It is definitely not a cottage." Audrey commented on the obvious, leaning forward so she could look at the gray stone house through the windshield.

It was too big to be considered anything remotely similar to a cottage. At least twice the size of Skeldale House, the gray stone house had huge white-framed windows and curtains hiding its interior.

The gravel path curved gently in front of the house, where they stood and the garden extended as far as the eye could see, where the green tops of the trees met the blue sky. If they went straight through the trees, they would reach the edge of the hill and see the sea perhaps two hundred meters away. Through the map she could see the sea and the strip of sand that stretched in both directions. A beach like that should be exclusive to the house.

"Are you absolutely sure that we are in the right place?" Why do men always doubt women's ability when map reading was involved, Audrey wondered and her expression translated the thought. "I'm just trying to understand what happened." Siegfried completed in a soothing tone, giving a small friendly smile.

"I'm sure we are in the right place, at least in the place indicated on the map."

She looked at the map again and mentally went over the path. Yes, she was sure they had done the right way, even Siegfried with his habit for fast driving and keeping his foot off the brakes.

"Could it be a hotel?" He theorized without much conviction.

"It seems too quiet to be a hotel." The sun was still high in the sky. If there were more people there would be movement, no doubt.

"When we get home I'm going to skin Tristan alive." Siegfried grunted between his teeth.

"There's no point in wanting to skin Tris alive, we let him take care of the honeymoon."

"James assured me that everything would be perfect."

"Since we're here, we should go and ask."

While the two were discussing the front door opened and a woman dressed in black came out, certainly a maid, perhaps a housekeeper and when they noticed her she was standing beside the rover. Had Tristan been wrong with the map? Perhaps they would be able to ask for information for the right path if that were the case. Audrey refused to believe that Tristan had done something wrong on purpose.

“Mr. And Mrs. Farnon, I presume. ”

"Yes, that's us."

“Welcome, to the Hillside cottage. I'm Mrs. Wickham.”

Audrey and Siegfried exchanged a surprised look and he parked the car in the place indicated by the woman. As they took their bags out of the car Siegfried murmured something to himself that was very reminiscent of 'betting on horse racing'.

"What did you say?" She asked immediately, suspicious.

“Hm? Oh... nothing, love. I-I was just… Just talking to myself.” Siegfried stammered, trying to avoid the obvious.

Only when they returned would they find out that Tristan had in fact bet on horse racing with Maggie's help, thanks to a great tip that James received and shared for the good cause. With the financial help of both and Helen, Tristan made a considerable amount. Their savings had been recovered and the premium, which would have made them happy, served to rent that property. Mrs. Pumphrey had indicated it and knew the owner very well. He had been facing some financial difficulties and rented the beautiful property for the summer. With her help the house had been reserved for a week for Mr. And Mrs. Farnon.

They followed Mrs. Wickham into the house and found themselves in a lobby filled with flowers on the sideboards and lit by a crystal chandelier. The house was elegant, refined, and quite unlike any place Audrey had ever stayed. It just didn't compare to Mrs. Pumphrey's house, but other than that it was the most upscale place she'd visited.

The idea that this place would be their home for a week seemed almost a dream.

“Dinner will be served at eight thirty and breakfast at eight in the morning. Lunch is usually at noon and we have tea at four.” She communicated as they went up the carpeted stairs. Audrey watched everything in detail with description and curiosity. "Should your breakfast be served in bed, Mrs. Farnon?"

"Yes." Siegfried stepped forward to answer. "In fact, we will both have breakfast in bed, Mrs. Wickham."

"Very well."

The rest of the way to the room was silent. The corridors boasted paintings after paintings and the paneling on the walls was well carved. That house had certainly seen imposing figures over the past century or so.

One of the doors had been opened and Mrs. Wickham left them with a nod.

"Breakfast in bed?" Audrey asked as soon as they found themselves alone.

"We are on our honeymoon." He replied with a mischievous smile.

Rolling her eyes, she returned her attention to the room and was surprised.

"Tristan was right, it's perfect." Siegfried said, visibly relieved

Audrey couldn't agree more. The bedroom, with its flowered wallpaper and a four-poster oak bed with all-white bedding, was romantic and full of light from the windows. There was a small table with two chairs and a huge flower arrangement by the window. When she approached, she saw the view and lost her breath.

"Unfortunately, you won't be able to skin him alive anymore, husband."

"This time I feel relieved that I can't." His answer seemed to come from afar. "I think you will like here even more."

Turning on her heels, she saw one of the doors open. Imagining that it led to a dressing room, Audrey was surprised to see a bathroom with the same beautiful view of the room and a bathtub strategically positioned for the view to be enjoyed.

She couldn't help it, just grinned at Siegfried.

* * *

Audrey's enchantment with the bathtub and the view from the bathroom did not diminish during their stay. Not even in comparison to the flower gardens or the climbing roses that lined the side wall of the house.

Day after day Siegfried found himself waking up beside her in a room lit by the golden morning light filtered through the curtains and in that warm light between the sheets they shared breakfast.

On the first day she hurriedly wrapped herself in the delicate silk robe and sat on the bed just watching as he received the two breakfast trays by the open door. For her, who always did everything for others, being served was an intriguing novelty.

"Will it continue to be that way when we get home?" She asked with a mocking tone when she received a plate full of eggs, crispy bacon and toast so hot it made the butter melt.

"For those who were surprised yesterday, you seem quite used to the idea of having breakfast in bed." He returned, with a smirk, comfortable on his own robe.

"Are you avoiding my question?" Her look said more than anything.

“Not at all, my darling wife. I promise I will surprise you whenever I get the chance.”

As Audrey moved the silk slid over her skin, gradually revealing a pale shoulder framed by strands of hair that had grown over the months and forearms of delicate, soft skin that he loved to slide his fingertips over languidly. It was an almost mesmerizing image for him, to see her like that, so relaxed, peaceful and comfortable.

Despite having slept in the same bed more times than it would have been wise or appropriate to count in the past few months, mornings were hectic moments where she quietly sneaked down the stairs. There, however, the mornings were lazy and when they woke up with the first rays of sunlight, hours before breakfast, he pushed the sheets away, making her laugh and roll her eyes. Seeing each other so intimately in the morning light was quite different from doing it in the half light of a lamp and loving her with his body and eyes in the almost blinding light the sheets reflected was ecstating.

The rest of the day was divided into tours and meals. They went to the beach, where he simply loved to watch her walk slowly towards the sea and admire her slender legs, the curves of her hips and how she looked at him over her shoulder with a half smile because she knew he was looking. A woman totally different from the one who marched back and forth through Skeldale House, whom seemed to have infinitely long legs from where he looked sitting on the towel, with the first buttons of his shirt open, his sleeves folded up to his elbows and his hat tucked into his head.

Siegfried denied invitations to go into the water with her, not because he didn't want to go, but because he didn't want to admit that he didn't know how to swim, especially when she swam so well. And in any case, he preferred to share his time watching her or feeling the smell and taste that the sea left on her skin than venturing into the water.  
Audrey gradually acquired a beautiful golden hue, while he roasted under the sun, gaining a deep red hue on the little exposed skin (something that made Audrey, Tristan and James laugh at him for several days).

Sometimes they went to the village, sometimes they strolled through the gardens of the property and all the walks were a reason for a delicious frugal snack. They strolled, ate, rested and loved each other. Life was perfect and in the late afternoon it was for the bathtub they came back and watched the sunset in complete and comfortable silence before dinner.

* * *

The days passed while they share their time exploring the village, enjoying the beach and gardens, and making love, again and again, in a cocoon of white sheets, with the warm breeze from the sea enveloping them.

Lost in each other's arms, Audrey loved those moments when his face was buried on her neck. His body heavy over hers as a warm and compelling blanket. Her legs intertwined with his as he trusted back and forward, burring himself deep inside of her. When he was lost in his pleasure she could run her fingers over his back, feeling his muscles working under his skin. In those moments she enjoyed that plain bright happiness of being loved by that man, feeling she was the happiest woman alive on Earth.

On the fourth day a storm broke out, bringing heavy gray clouds and the air became charged with electricity. When the rain started they were a few meters from the house, but found themselves running across the grass hand in hand to the nearest cover, the greenhouse.

Siegfried closed the door behind him and pulled her by the hand. They had visited the greenhouse before. Crammed with small trees and flowers, there was a tea table and a chaise with fluffy cushions in the center. A blanket had been left there. Audrey suspected that on purpose by an extremely attentive housekeeper.

Despite the glass walls, the rain was so heavy that formed a thick curtain, making it impossible to see anything outside, so she was not reluctant when Siegfried pulled her to him, pushed the strands of wet hair away from her face and kissed her mouth.

Buttons were opened while they kissed. The need for skin to find skin was intense and their clothes got tangle on the floor around them as they wrapped themselves around each other. The urge to love and be loved was inexhaustible. They wanted each other and needed each other with infinite patience.

Sighs, touches and kisses. Lips exploring skin, teeth nibbling alternated with soft licks and new kisses. With her left hand Audrey stroked his chest, which she used as a pillow so many nights.

Siegfried usually took the lead in their intimacy and she gave in without a second thought to his touches, but there were times when he let her take the initiative and lead. He kissed and kissed her again and again, until he left them both breathless as he held her close to him, running his fingers along her spine, up and down in a languid movement.

She liked those occasions when she saw his fragility in the face of the physical pleasure she evoked in him. Siegfried was again an anxious, inexperienced and thirsty climax for a brief moment. Nothing compared to the physical despair she had seen in him two days ago when, after sharing a bottle of wine and losing her inhibition, she had disappeared under the sheets to explore his body with her mouth.

This was something she had never particularly enjoyed, until then. Just remembering made her face burn with embarrassment.

But on that rainy afternoon, she didn't want to take the initiative, she wanted to melt in his arms and she did. He loved her on the chaise, at a provocatively slow pace as he devoured her shoulders and nape with nibbles and wet kisses, caressed her right breast with his left hand and with his right one touched her between her legs.

Audrey moaned softly and leaned against his chest. Raising an arm she found his face and her hand slid down to find the nape of his neck. Drops of sweat ran between her breasts and ran down her belly, until they disappeared in his hand. The heat enveloped them and the feeling of pleasure slowly grew.

When the climax came, Audrey had to rest her hands on the chaise seat to keep from falling forward. Seemingly endless waves of pleasure radiated from her center and ran through her entire body. The time they were lonely seemed increasingly remote.

Siegfried did not stop. Resting his chest against her back, he continued to move at the same slow pace as his hand followed the rhythm. Cheeky, he said naught things in her ear when he wasn't moaning, making Audrey excited for more.

Time was lost while they gave themselves to each other. And after all, was there a better way to spend a rainy afternoon?

* * *

**May 8, 1938**

"Are you ready to go home?"

Siegfried was just closing the buttons on his vest, and he could see in the mirror Audrey looking around the room, checking that they had left nothing behind.

"Yes, the bags are ready, just give me a moment."

She disappeared at the bathroom door, where they had seen the sun come up earlier and enjoyed that last moment of tranquility before returning to Skeldale House and the almost total absence of privacy.

The idea of them locking themselves in the bathroom to spend a quiet half hour soaking in the bathtub seemed impossible at home, where Tristan and James came and went, the phone kept ringing and people rang the bell at any time of the day and night.

"Audrey, can I come down with the luggage?" He asked loud enough for her to hear.

"Leave mine, I remembered that I need to get something in my suitcase." The answer came slowly. "I'll meet you in the car."

"Alright."

Audrey paid attention and didn't leave the bathroom until she heard him close the door. She sighed as she opened the suitcase and among the profusion of colors of the new clothes she looked for a clean brief and a rag. Good thing she had put the rags in the bottom of the suitcase. After two weeks of delay her montly finally came. A month was a short time, she was fully aware of it and that is why she was not beaten. However, it was impossible not to feel a hint of disappointment when seeing one less chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four more chapters to go.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might contain some triggers.  
> I must say in advance I'm sorry.

**_June 03, 1938_ **

"Hurry up, your sister’s waiting!" Audrey scolded, hands on her hips.

“Lost track of time. Sorry. ” Jenny looked at her anxiously and slung the backpack over her shoulder. She always lost time when she was with the animals and Audrey, with her head full of her own problems, forgot to call her. It was obvious to everyone that Jenny liked to be with the animals and preferred them to people, although she sometimes wanted Audrey's company. In a hurry, the girl turned to go out the kitchen door without even saying goodbye.

That girl... What else could Audrey do for her?

"You, come back here." She ordered and approached while the girl returned as hurriedly as before.

"But ..." Jenny started to protest with an exasperated look.

Audrey had just rushed the girl and was now asking her to come back. It was confusing, she knew and she felt confused too. Although they did not show their affection for each other physically, that afternoon she pulled Jenny close to her. It took the girl a few seconds to understand what was going on before hugging Audrey back, allowing herself to be welcomed into the older woman's arms.

Jenny had fought at school that morning. Audrey had missed yet another opportunity. They both needed a hug and it was at that time that Tristan decided to appear, giving them a look full of curiosity.

Audrey kissed the top of Jenny's head and released her.

"Now you can go."

Jenny nodded and gave a small smile of thanks. "Bye, aunt Audrey."

"Bye, love."

Audrey watched the girl go before turning to Tristan, who had sat at the table and helped himself to the shortbread biscuits she had just taken out of the oven. He almost burned his fingers twice, deservedly.

"What was that about?" Tristan asked.

"Tough day." She replied while putting a fresh kettle on.

"Growing up is tough." He replied absently.

“Is it? I thought you wouldn’t know.” Audrey said sarcastically as she sat in the chair across from Tristan.

"Mrs. F I ...” He started and his shame was clear. Why was everyone suddenly so ashamed of everything, she wondered with displeasure. Tristan, at least, was right to be ashamed of his own actions.

"What are you thinking you're doing, Tris?"

“Nothing happened, I swear.” Tristan kept his eyes on hers as if to corroborate his words. “Maggie and I had a drink and were chatting on the couch. We just fell asleep at some point.”

"This is the second time in ten days!" Audrey scolded him. “That bloody couch can give people bad ideas.” She grunted to herself and didn't notice Tristan's curious look. What would stop Tristan and Maggie from following her and Siegfried's example? “Do you have any idea what will happen if her father wake up and don’t find her at home in the middle of the night?”

“Actually I do. He would probably come here.” At least he was aware of that.

“Exactly. And what do you think it would happen then? Can you imagine Siegfried’s reaction?” Audrey could only imagine her husband livid for a long, terrible moment before he started yelling at everyone.

"That’s something I don’t really want to imagine." Tristan replied softly, looking at the already cold biscuit between his fingers.

"You should." Audrey sounded harder than she would have liked and became silent for a few seconds. As much as she believed in his potential, Siegfried was right in saying that Tristan still had a lot to mature. "I know you and Maggie want to spend time together, I understand the feeling, but that is not the right way to do it and God forbidden if you two decide to take another step and she end up with child." She wanted to be patient, wanted to try to put some notion in that hollow head of his, but that had been a difficult day.

"We are not .." He swallowed, visibly uncomfortable. Audrey didn't want to worry about why they weren't doing it. The sincerity in his face was enough for her not to be able to contain a sigh of relief.

“Can the two of you do anything other than have drinks late at night in this house? Otherwise, as much as it pains me, I’ll have to tell your brother and he doesn’t…"

"Will you have to tell me what, wife?" Siegfried interrupted entering in the kitchen. His tone was more curious than accusatory.

“Are you listening behind doors now?” The kettle started to beep and she got up to pour tea.

"She’s moody today." Tritan changed the subject quickly, sounding as excited as ever.

Audrey saw over her shoulder Siegfried exchange a look full of alleged mockery with his brother, agreeing with the comment. When he turned to her, however, his gaze had become soft and he was no longer ashamed of that morning when he saw the small blood stain on the sheet.

She couldn't disagree, she was moody. First Siegfried with that certainty that they would not succeed. Then Tristan and Maggie sleeping on the couch. And that afternoon Jenny stomping hard and mad with the world. It had been a long day so far.

"So, what do you have to tell me?" Siegfried had stopped beside her, his hands resting on the back of one of the chairs as he watched her carefully transfer the water from the kettle to the teapot. The task gave Audrey time to think of an excuse.

"Tristan drank some of your good whiskey last night." She said when she put the cover on the teapot. Siegfried's eyebrows rose and he nodded slowly before looking from her to his brother.

"Sorry, big brother." Tristan replied apologetically, trying to sound sincere. "I thought it was the regular."

"Tea?" She asked her husband, who nodded.

"You should be able to tell the difference by now." Siegfried replied, taking the chair next to Audrey's. Careful not to burn himself, he took one of the biscuits with a satisfied smile, they were his favorites. "Whiskey has some..."

She and Tristan exchanged a brief look. He had understood the message and she hoped he would not do anything stupid. Siegfried, oblivious to what really happened, continued to explain the differences in whiskey and Tristan bit his tongue to keep from laughing when Audrey rolled her eyes as she sipped her tea.

* * *

_**June 26, 1938** _

Siegfried paced the house, waving a stethoscope in his hands. He should have been in bed with Audrey by now, ready to sleep but no. He had had an operation to remove stones from a cat's bladder and the animal's fragile condition made him go check him out once more before going to sleep.

Sam was fine, still lethargic, but his vitals were fine and he would soon return to the owners' company fully recovered. Relieved, Siegfried left the stethoscope on the examination table and closed the door. He could put it in it's place in the morning. All he wanted to do was put on his pajamas, hug Audrey and sleep.

He had gone up three steps when the phone started to ring. If it hadn't been Tristan's turn to take an evening call, he wouldn't have come down so excited.

"Darrowby, 2297."

“Mr. Farnon?” The voice on the other end of the line was distant.

"Edward?"

"Is my mother awake?"

“She’s in bed already. Something happened? ” Siegfried ran a hand through his hair and pressed his lips together. Of course, something had happened for him to call that time of night. Somewhere in the house a clock struck half past eleven.

“The baby is coming.” Edward replied. “Anne asked me to call her. They agreed something... I'm not sure.” But Siegfried knew, Anne had asked if Audrey could be with her when the baby arrived. “The thing is, Anne doesn't look very well. Can you tell her? ” Edward's voice, even from a distance, seemed to tremble. He was scared, Siegfried noticed.

"Did you call for a doctor?" His tone was practical. A woman in labor should rarely look good, Siegfried reasoned.

“No, she’s with a midwife, she’s…”

“Call for a doctor. Your mother and I will be there as soon as we can.”

  
"Alright." Edward looked relieved. "Thank you."

  
His sleep would have to wait. Siegfried ran up the stairs as fast as he could.

* * *

Audrey and daughter-in-law had created a bond over the past few months. His weekly visits were pleasant times. They told each other stories from the past. Anne talked about her childhood in Darrowby, about the loss of her family, about the difficulties she went through, and especially about the baby. She had an endless list of questions and seemed immensely happy to have someone to talk to about them.

Happy to satisfy the girl's doubts, Audrey also told her old stories of when Edward was a child or his own childhood. War, marriage and theft were matters she left out. Some stories just deserved to be forgotten.

But happier she was when Anne asked her to be present when the child was born. Edward was only going to make her more nervous, she explained, and she wanted someone who had been through it, who would be able to guide her and give her confidence and strength to continue.

When Audrey entered the room, Anne looked at her with a mixture of fear and gratitude. Anne was experiencing strong contractions and the doctor was watching her closely. Audrey gave him a questioning look and got no answer and didn't know whether to worry or not, but she smiled at Anne.

On the bedside table was a small bowl of water and a rag. She moistened the fabric and rubbed it gently over Anne's face.

"I'm scared." Anne's voice has never sounded so fragile.

"It'll be okay, love."

* * *

**_June 27, 1938_ **

It was almost six in the morning when they finally heard the newborn's loud, high-pitched cry from the bedroom. Sitting side by side on the small couch, Edward and Siegfried looked at each other and gave a small smile of relief.

Spending hours waiting and listening to the noises in the room was agonizing. At first all they could hear was low talk and Anne's grumbling, but in those last few hours the grumbling had been rapidly turning into screams of pain.

Siegfried tried to imagine what it would be like if she were Audrey in labor. He would absolutely be at her side, suffering while watching her go through all that discomfort and pain. He would have done anything to try to keep his wife as comfortable as possible and keep his nerves under control.

Edward, however, seemed too scared to be able to stay close to his wife and help her. Siegfried understood that there was no guarantee that he would be able to maintain control, although he was used to being in the middle of the action at times like these.

It was a strange feeling, waiting and being unable to do anything. When there was a birth it was he who usually led it. Of course, the birth of a child was different from the birth of animals and he was not used to waiting. The tension and the time seemed to stretch endlessly.

Audrey appeared tearfully at the door of the room, with a wide smile on her lips and they stood up.

Gently she took the son's arm and gave it a little squeeze as she said, "Go meet your child."

He saw Edward disappear into the narrow hall of the apartment before turning his attention back to his wife. Audrey was euphoric, despite being visibly tired. The smile lit up all her features and her eyes had taken on a dreamy glow.

“Someone is in love! Should I be jealous? ” Siegfried teased, talking Audrey’s by the hands to bring her close.

"Perhaps." Audrey rested her hands on his chest and slowly let them run to smooth out his waistcoat, which was full of creases. When her hands came down slow and full of pressure, his stomach dropped with a shiver. "Alice is the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen."

Siegfried smiled back at him, feeling happy for her happiness.

"Congratulations, gandma." It should be a teasing, but it didn't sound like it. Siegfried leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Don’t think you won’t be called grandpa." Audrey teased him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

He made a face. Knowing Anne, she would certainly encourage her daughter to call him Grandpa. Tristan would laugh. No. Tristan, no. Uncle Tristan.

“And how’s Anne? Edward seamed so afraid I was wondering if she was really looking bad or it was just his fear speaking.”

“Exhausted. Give birth is an extenuating live changing experience. The doctor was oddly quiet when we arrived, but everything happened the way it’s supposed to. She’ll be fine after some rest. ”

“You look exhausted as well.” He kissed her forehead again and pulled her gently so that the two of them sat on the couch. Audrey settled in Edward's place, but slid to the side, until her arm was against his. Their hands met on her thigh and their fingers intertwined. "Tell me about Alice." Siegfried asked.

"Alice is..." Audrey started and gave another wide smile. She couldn't stop smiling and he thought she was going to repeat that she was the most adorable baby she had ever seen, but he felt his wife's slow breathing beside him. “She has her mother light hair, the most delicate nose, heart shaped lips, chubby tinny hands and Edward’s eyes. She stopped crying the moment Anne got her and she opened her eyes for a brief moment to look at her mother.”

When Siegfried turned to look at her, he noticed that Audrey had her eyes closed. She had really fallen in love with the girl and he knew she would fall in love everytime with her grandchildren, children or nephews. Siegfried wondered what she was thinking about.

That's when Edward's scream echoed through the apartment, breaking the mood of happiness and peace.

“DO SOMETHING!”

Exchanging a quick look with Siegfried, Audrey jumped up and ran before he could say or do anything. Somewhere in the apartment he heard the door open and a cacophony came into the living room. People argued, the baby cried and yet he heard Anne's tired cry.

* * *

Edward and the doctor were arguing when Audrey entered the room, but what shocked her the most was seeing the blood stain that was slowly growing on the sheet. Her eyes met Anne's and she saw the dread the girl felt, still clinging to the newborn baby.

"Madam, I need him to get out of here!" The doctor said to her.

Still looking at Anne, Audrey took her son by the arm and started pushing him towards the door.

“Go to the living room. Now." She said to her son in a dry, straight tone.

"BUT MOTHER..." Edward could refuse, physically impose himself, but something on her face made him stop.

“To the living room, Edward. Now. I will stay with her. Everything will be fine." Audrey repeated and tried to sound confident, although she knew she was actually telling a lie.

The doctor and midwife had returned to work and Edward finally left the room. Carefully, Audrey quietly closed the door and returned to sit beside Anne, where she had spent the past hours.

As the blood drained from her body, Anne became lethargic and they looked at each other with tears in their eyes. Heartbroken Audrey said her silent prayers even though she knew they could do nothing for Anne. They both knew how it was going to end.

Anne kissed her daughter for a long time and held her close. Audrey didn't want to watch that, but she couldn't look away. That was wrong. Anne was young, she had just had a baby and it should be a time of happiness and peace, not a moment of fear and farewell. They should have a lifetime ahead of them full of laughter, tight hugs, affection and love. Alice would not have even a single memory of her mother and pained Audrey.

Anne's hand gripped hers tightly.

"Promise you will take care of her like she were your own, please." Anne asked desperately.

"Don’t say that lov..." Audrey tried to say, but choked.

"Promise, Mrs. Farnon." Anne repeated, tears streaming down her pale face.

"I promise." She heard herself say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was planned from the moment I introduced Anne and now that it has happened I am feeling sad and bad about it.  
> But sometimes this is how life is. People live and die and those who stay have to deal with their losses.  
> Thanks for reading.


	21. Chapter 21

**_June 30, 1938_ **

"Here you are." Siegfried said as he entered the living room and found Edward, looking out the window at the street, that on that sunny afternoon, it was full of people coming and going with their chores.

Anne had been buried in Darrowby's cemetery with her parents the previous morning. Edward had been accompanied by his mother, the Farnons and a multitude of people unknown to him, but who at some point in the past had met Anne. His father had not shown up, although Edward had called him to tell him about Anne. Mr. Hall's interest in the tragedy that had plagued his son's life seemed to be none existent, Siegfried noticed even though Edward had disconcerted and Audrey had not brought it up.

"Come here, sit down." Siegfried indicated the sofa when Edward looked over his shoulder. "Come on." He grunted and the boy obeyd.

"I imagine my mother told you." Edward said cautiously. Of course, Audrey had told him, but it wasn't something he hadn't imagined would happen. Edward had grown up beside Anne, transformed into a better person, but without her he seemed to have lost all courage.

Edward looked at him nervously when Siegfried started handing him Alice.

"What are you doing?" His voice was shaky, almost hysterical.

"Be a man! She's just a child, not a bloody bomb!" He scolded and Alice made a noise similar to a soft growl as her curious eyes moved from side to side. "It's about time for you to stop avoiding holding your daughter."

With no escape, Edward accepted defeat and held Alice. Siegfried watched him silently. Taking a deep breath and staring at the rug, the lad tried to ignore his daughter, but as the girl continued her groans he found himself unable to resist and looked down. Alice was looking at him and moving her mouth in a continuous sucking motion. She was hungry, Siegfried knew that, her father did not.

"Put it near her mouth, she knows what to do." Siegfried handed Edward the bottle full of milk. Still unsure, he took it and brought it to his daughter's lips.

Audrey was in the corridor, watching them with intent and dismayed eyes. He didn't want to be hard on Edward, but if Audrey's kind and understanding method hadn't worked, it might be worth risking his. It had worked, at least for Edward to finally holding his daughter.

His first reaction was to try to strike the doctor, then he directed his anger at his mother, who had deceived him by saying that everything would be fine. Audrey just cried silently as he poured frustration and anger, confusion and pain from the loss. Then he sat down with Anne until those responsible came to pick her up.

Audrey did not say how they had spent the night, but when Siegfried returned to pick them up the next day Edward was silent and remained so for those three days he had been at Skeldale House.

The silence went on and Siegfried nodded to Audrey to leave. She nodded and disappeared from view, although Siegfried suspected and would bet she was hiding in the hall listening.

"Lift your elbow a little." Edward followed the instruction and Alice suckled more easily. That hungry little thing. Siegfried did not want to, but he had become attached to her the first moment he held her in his arms. She shouldn't have more than an hour of live.

He had been helping Audrey take care of her for the past few days and the girl was always quiet when he rocked her, drawing admiring looks from his wife and the boys.

"You are better at this than I am." Edward's comment took him by surprise.

“I'm just used to taking care of small, delicate creatures. You know, ot all of my patients are cows and horses.” His complaint made Edward look at him, even with his head down, something Audrey did too.

Feeling slightly disconcerted, he walked around the room, stopping here and there to touch a vase, a book or a watch. Edward's attention had returned to his daughter. He alternated between being impersonal and aloof, but when confronted Edward simply shut up. He didn't know how to react when someone dealt with him as superior, Siegfried was quick to notice.

"You can stay with us if you want, there is enough space and I have no doubt that you would be able to get a job in the town quickly." He said after sinking into the chair across the room and a long moment of silence.

It would be weird to have him there, it would be tricky to deal with, it would even be unpredictable, but they had the space and the means, and Edward was her stepson now. Even if he wasn't, Siegfried assumed for himself. He was always willing to accept Edward there for Audrey and that would never change. Living in a healthy and almost normal family environment could be a positive experience for Edward after all.

Edward said nothing, just studied him for long seconds.

"I already explained to my mother that I need to go back to work and this is not my place." He answered in a serious tone. Edward might have had the impression that an invitation was just a formality, although it wasn't.

"And yet wiy will leave your daughter here." Siegfried replied, but thanks to heaven his tone was soft. Alice staying there was something he had foreseen from the beginning, something that gave Audrey encouragement to some extent. After all, taking care of Alice was keeping the promise she had made to Anne. “I understand that this is a difficult time for you. Losing a wife is not easy, especially when you are so young and with...” He nodded, indicating the baby. “When Evelyn died, I was relieved that we didn't have children. Tristan was not so young anymore and was suffered for him, but if there were children I would not...” He had no idea what he would have done, how he would have dealt with that, how he would have had the strength to care for them when he had not even stength to take care of himself. "What matters is that you are not alone, Edward."

Edward's jaw tightened and he concentrated on staring at his daughter. Siegfried could see clearly that the boy had lost something more than his wife. He had missed the point of life. He had focused his existence on Anne and without her he felt completely lost. Siegfried understood that feeling and could not blame him. It was frightening to face that feeling of deep emptiness.

“We are going to take care and love Alice, but I want you to keep in mind that although we are taking responsibility for her, you are still her father and you have a duty to fulfill your role. So, I hope to see you here on your days off. ” Siegfried was very clear and direct, with no room for interpretation.

That had some effect and Edward looked at him with a flushed face and lips as tight as his tight jaw. The eyes that looked at Siegfried were the same as Audrey's and he could read the shame and arrogance mixed in them. He could feel his wife's apprehension from meters away.

"I will be here." Edward stated flatly.

"Excellent! It's good that you to be here, Alice is going to need you.”

"I don't really believe that." If Siegfried was totally sincere, he would agree with the comment, but he did not want nor would hurt Audrey like that.

“You should. No matter what you think, you have to understand that what matters from now on is her and what she thinks. Alice must be your priority. You are her father, not me, nor your mother.” Alice would have long years ahead of her to understand what kind of man her father was and, who knows, until that happens, Edward might find a new direction in life. Maybe even a new someone. He was still very young, he had a lot to live and to learn. With that in mind, Siegfried slowed down. "I don't want to upset you, I just don't want you to forget that from now on your actions go beyond just hurting your mother."

...

Audrey did not tell Siegfried how Edward blamed his own daughter for Anne's death. She didn not tell him how he screamed at the top of his lungs that he wished she had died or never existed, or as he scornfully said that he didn't want to see her and that he didn't want her in his house.

She hid Edward's anger and threat from her husband that he would leave Alice in an orphanage if she didn't want to be with the girl. Nor did she tell how he later slammed the bedroom door, scaring the child and spent the next hour howling his pain in a continuous cry, nor how he ended up crying on her lap as if he were a helpless boy needing the protection he would only find in his arms of his mother.

The speech she prepared about the help Edward would need and how he had no experience or time to care for his daughter lost its usefulness when they arrived home in the late afternoon and she saw that the cupboard attached to their room had been emptied, cleaned and had a crib waiting for Alice.

"I had this feeling that maybe she was going to need a place to stay." He said in a surprisingly soft tone that made her eyes overflow with tears.

After a sleepless night dividing herself between comforting her son and taking care of her granddaughter, Audrey slept soundly to wake up startled by the memory of the baby She needed to be nourish every four hours.

The first thing Audrey noticed was what lamp was on, softly lighting the room. Beside her she saw Alice lying nestled against Siegfried's chest and they were both sleeping soundly. On the nightstand she saw the empty bottle.

A powerful sense of relief settled in her and her heart swelled with a love so raw that it made her eyes overflow again. Siegfried had no idea how extremely lucky she felt to have him as a friend and husband.

Carefully, she cuddled up to his side, wrapping them in a hug and went back to sleep.

There were two things that Audrey Farnon did not know, but that she would come to know over time. That night the three of them had, irrevocably, become a family. Siegfried and Alice, on the other hand, would hug each other and sleep like that countless times over the next decade. Until she grew too big to be picked up or invaded their bed. Something she never did alone.

...

July passed in the blink of an eye.

Edward religiously fulfilled his commitments to see his daughter on his days off and once a week he spent the day with her and his mother at Skeldale House. He didn't look any better, but no one could blame him for that. Grief had its own pace and a month was an insignificant amount of time. Although immersed in his own pain, he would sit with Alice in his arms and listen to his mother talk about the girl's week, give her her bottles, and sometimes get involved in Tristan and James's conversations about the mess they had got into during the week at work.

The rest of the time the house had adjusted to the girl's pace. Everything was done in between her meals, be it their meals, house chores or even sleep. The boys stayed with all external calls and it was not uncommon for Siegfried to let Audrey sleep when she did not wake up with the sound of the alarm clock or the girl's crying during the night.

In those early hours of the morning, when he held Alice against him and they faced each other, he forgot about the rest of the world. She might not be his, but it was inevitable to love her as if she were.

In the midst of so much work, Siegfried watched Audrey split herself between the house and Alice and get more and more exhausted, despite everyone's help. James had a knack for changing diapers and tried to teach Tristan, but the younger Farnon had an inexplicable difficulty that made it impossible for him to complete this task, although he was always trying to make the child smile and had no problem trying to calm her down when necessary.

With so much going on in the clinic and in their home life, Siegfried did not notice his wife's mood swings, nor did he object when she forbade him to smoke inside the house or how she frowned when he approached her with the smell of tobacco in the clothes. He connected these points to Alice and not Audrey, not until he caught her looking at herself in the mirror with an expression of doubt and concern on her face.

Then, paying attention to her, he noticed a series of changes. The drastic change in her breakfast, her frequent trips to the bathroom, her sensitive breasts, the swelling in her abdomen, the sleep that made her doze in the middle of a conversation, the way her mood changed in the blink of an eye and how she seemed to be looking for something sweet to eat all the time.

The once-desired and seemingly impossible possibility had become frightening as a result of recent events. Fearful he didn't ask any questions, giving her time and space. However, when Audrey slept and he touched her lower abdomen with the tips of his fingers, his certainty was almost absolute, even if he was not a people's doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapter to go. Are you still enjoying this story? Let me know.


	22. Chapter 22

**_August 10, 1938_ **

The waiting area was packed when she returned and everyone looked at her as soon as she closed the door behind her. Audrey gave a brief shy smile, but her attention was not focused on clients and their pets, but on Alice's shrill cry from the exam room.

"Men don't know how to deal with newborns." Audrey heard one of the ladies comment.

For a moment she forgot everything else and all that mattered was her granddaughter. It seemed that that afternoon Siegfried's magic touch was not working and he looked at her with relief when he saw her enter the exam room.

"Why are we so agitated?" She asked approaching him to see the girl.

Alice was red faced, tears stained her delicate cheeks and she was sweaty from writhing.

"I don't know, it started about fifteen minutes ago. Tristan was unable to calm her down and brought her to me now, I still haven't had time to investigate why.” Siegfried looked as distressed as Alice and looked from his wife to her.

"I'll take care of that." He didn't question, just handed the girl over and watched as Audrey gently searched with her right hand a motive for Alice's crying. She soon realized that the diaper was dry and it was too early to be hungry. Cramps? Maybe.

Distracted, she forgot where she was for a moment and when she remembered that she needed to leave so that Siegfried could get back to work she noticed him examining her with extra attention. He had his mouth open and she knew he was about to ask.

"How was it?" His tone was almost timid because it was so restrained.

"Fine, I presume." She gave a nervous half smile. This was not the time for them to have that conversation and she didn't know how long she could talk about it without crying. "We will talk about it later."

For a brief moment Audrey feared that he was going to object, that he wanted to know, but he said nothing more and she left the room so quickly as when she entered. Alice's crying had subsided as she gently caressed her belly. Colic, definitely. A warm bath and she would soon be sleeping peacefully.

Audrey envied the total detachment from reality and problems the girl was enjoying in her life stage. Within her, a mixture of worry, excitement and fear alternated, leaving her sometimes euphoric, sometimes depressed in a matter of seconds.

She was about to turn forty-two. It was crazy, but it was what it was.

* * *

With Tristan's help around tea time all the patients had been seen and the clinic was in absolute peace, as was the home. Alice did not cry and it all came down to a quiet silence. Sunbeams illuminated every room. Siegfried went one by one after his wife, but when he found her, Audrey was lying on her side on their bed, curled up. The curtains were drawn and the room's lighting was so soft that the light didn't disturb a nap. Through the crack in the door he saw Alice sleeping peacefully in the crib and for a moment he thought his wife was sleeping. Audrey sniffed and he knew she wasn't.

"What is it, darling?" He asked, siting in the bed next to her.

His hand gently touched her bare calf and Audrey slowly turned. The inflamed eyes and the red nose scared him. She had said that everything wa fine. No, she said she presumed. What kind of response had that been, anyway?

“You’re not ill or something, are you?” The mere possibility that she might be ill despaired him and perhaps he demonstrated it, because Audrey sat up and took his hands in hers.

"No, I’m not." She replied with a smile, and tears streamed down her face. Gently, she squeezed his hands as if to confirm her own words.

"Alright." He murmured in response and the two stared at each other for an eternity.

Siegfried wanted to ask, wanted to be sure if this was really happening, but a huge part of him was afraid. Fear that something would happen to the child, fear that something would happen to Audrey. If he had to choose, he would choose her a thousand times, even if choosing her was against her will. Audrey had become his universe and he couldn't conceive of the idea of living without it.

"Are you ..." He swallowed. "Are you with child?"

She nodded, smiling and crying. Her hands were shaking in his and he felt dizzy.

"You’re pregnant." He repeated, completely appalled.

"I am, love."

"Are you pregnant of me?" A stupid question. But it seemed unreal that he could have impregnated her after so many years of trying with Evelyn and nothing. And at their age...

"What sort of question is that, Siegfried Farnon?" Audrey frowned and frowned for a brief moment, giving him a disapproving look.

“I’m sorry I’m just…” Shaking his hands and confused, Siegfried tried to put his thoughts in order. "I noticed that you might be pregnant but..."

“You’ve examined me every single night for the past three weeks. You knew.” Her words were not an accusation. Audrey gave him an amused look, relaxing again. So she was awake the whole time.

“I suspected. Well… I'm a vet, I couldn't be a hundred percent sure.” Any attempt at explanation would be flawed, he knew. Although certainty did exist, every night he became convinced of the opposite out of fear.

"Now you can." Audrey's smile was brilliant. He loved her, loved her so much, and that was all he could think of at that moment. Then the idea started to navigate inside him.

"Oh God." He murmured to himself. “We’re going to be parents after all! At our age! That’s... I thought...”

"I know it's not the most suitable scenario now that Alice is here and after what happened to Anne, but..." Audrey shouldn't explain herself for something the two of them had decided and done together. He shook his head until she was silent. The scenario didn't matter at all.

It takes a few seconds more till the information sink in, and when it did Siegfried, as in a choreography, wrapped his arms around her and brought her close to him. His lips meet hers gently and Audrey's thin fingers cupped his face. He felt her tears on his face and realized that he, too, was laughing and crying. Parents after forty, it was a real miracle for both of them and he couldn't be happier or more fulfilled than at that moment.

"Siegfried, you're crying!" Audrey laughed more as she dried his tears, but hers flowed in that whirlwind of emotions.

“Well, I'm going to be a father. Don’t you think that is a legitimate reason for your husband to cry? ”

“Off course I do, love.” With her thumb Audrey dried some of his tears and kissed the others, although she was still crying herself. Oh... the hormones!

Happiness is an overwhelming feeling, which for a finite eternity takes away all worries, all pains and all evils. In that bubble Siegfried allowed himself to be guided by his wife when she laid back in the bed, bringing him with her. Nestling his head on her shoulder, Siegfried felt Audrey's lips on his forehead, placing a soft kiss there.

"I didn’t know I wanted this so badly until I found out it had happened." Audrey confessed without looking at him. “I guess I didn’t know I needed this. Us to have a child.” She explained.

His hand found hers on the still almost imperceptible bundle, their child. Another Farnon. Suddenly the family was getting bigger again.

Skeldale House would house another Farnon. That was something, he thought.

“Forgive me for not being truly hopeful this could happen. I never thought that have a child was a real possibility. To me, to be more specific. ” He was not the problem after all. 

She gave him another kiss on the forehead and tightened her arms around him. Audrey understood the fear and doubts he felt.

"You really are the Patron Saint of the lost causes." He said and laughed, watching her shake her head, amused.

And she was. Siegfried was sure. Lying in bed with his wife and child, who was still nothing more than a small, shapeless little thing, knowing that Alice was ten feet away, Siegfried felt complete.

Evelyn came to his life as a summer breeze, strong and involving, bringing joy and made him live a springtime love for the time they were together. Audrey, on the other hand, gradually slipped into his heart, filling each space little by little, until his heart was claimed and ownered by her. She brought peace and meaning to his life.

"Are you ok with it?" The question broke the comfortable silence and surprised him.

Siegfried stood up and popped one elbow in the matress so he could look at her directly. Despite all the strength and security that she showed most of the time, Audrey still had those moments of doubt that he needed to assuage.

"OK? Audrey, my darling and loved wife... Can you really think I’m not thrilled? I've been waiting to know if you were or weren’t with child since April! ”

From her expression, Siegfried knew that Audrey's heart swelled. A few months ago they were exchanging a shy first kiss at the fair and now they were her husband and wife, they would have a child. A child! At their age, after she became a grandmother and he believed that life was already defined until the end.

"Tristan won’t be the only late offspring of the Family anymore." Siegfried commented suddenly.

"He's going to be an uncle." A series of images of Tristan teaching the worst pranks to that child appeared in Siegfried's mind, something that until then, with Alice, he had not thought of.

"Good God!" The comment came out with a frown.

"And Edward a big brother." Audrey completed in a serious tone.

They share a momentary look of concern. It would not be easy to break the news to Edward. Siegfried could not see him happy with the news, not after Anne. Not after such a short time. With time Edward would be fine.

Although Edward's reaction was worrying, what dominated Siegfried's thoughts was what happened to Anne.

"Aren't you worried?" He asked, unable to contain himself.

"Worried that something will happen at birth?" When he nodded, she sighed and slid her hands from her face to her husband's hair. “If I said I'm not I would be lying, but I'm not afraid. We decided to let God give us what he had planned for us and if something happens to me it is because it had to happen. I will be in peace because I sure my baby has the most loving, tender father in this hole world. ” She completed and smiled, a smile so wide, so peaceful and so full of tranquility, that he felt his own heart calms down.

Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

Audrey was never tired of watching Siegfried with Alice. The tenderness with which he held her against his chest or nuzzled her soft light hair. The way he made her laugh when he pretended to bite her tummy and how he looked delighted when she smiled every time she saw him.

As she grew and gradually gained balance to sit, Siegfried completely lost his pose and settled on the living room rug to play with her whenever he could. Meanwhile, Audrey's belly grew and her husband's fascination with it. Somehow when his hands weren't busy with Alice, they weres always on her belly, when not his face and lips. Surely that would be another child completely spoiled and maddly in love with him.

In addition to the fascination that life growing inside her had on the father, Siegfried discovered two new lessons with pregnancy. One was about worry. Not that he ever worried about things in his life, especially when he had Tristan as a brother and when he had spent the last decade raising him. But having his wife pregnant, the responsibility for her and the child's well-being presented him with a whole new level of worry.

Audrey couldn't stand that he showed up and started scolding her for being up, taking her somewhere where she could sit and rest. From flesh and bone she was transformed in something made of glass and treated like a gem, although she liked to emphasize that she was neither sick nor dying and that she could not stand to stand still or with nothing to do.

Apart from the moments that she dozed off with Alice, the rest of the day she complained about the lack of activities. She had knitted everything she needed and a little more in the first three months, in the next two months she read more books than she had read in the last few years and in the past two months all she wanted was to find a comfortable position, which did not exist.

Her constant restlessness helped Siegfried to learn the second lesson: exercise patience. A difficult lesson, often accompanied by some screams and sarcastic comments. Other times accompanied by tender moments when Audrey gave up and accepted his help for themore ridiculously banal tasks that belly prevented her to do. Affectionate and gentle he helped her with a small satisfied smile on his lips and bright eyes.

In mid-December Siegfried began to listen to the child's heart with a stethoscope. After Alice slept, the two of them settled in bed and he spent a long time looking for the exact point until he could find the heartbeat. Audrey waited, looking at him with a mixture of affection and admiration and when he finally found it he passed the instrument so she could hear it.

"Do you have any guesses?" He asked one night.

"I have." Audrey simply answered and fell asleep without saying anything else.

* * *

**_March 21, 1939_ **

Charlotte Farnon lived up to her surname. When she decided she was ready, she was born. Scaring the mother (newly woken from a nap, who had been experiencing contractions for days and imagined it was just another batch of false ones) and the father (who intended to take the mother to the hospital in fear that something would happen, although she wanted to just a doctor and give birth in the comfort of her own bed). She didn't even wait for the doctor to come. Charlotte came into the world quickly, through her father's hands, making a fuss and screaming at the top of her lungs, while Uncle James had his hands crushed by her mother's and Uncle Tristan paced the hallway.

Oblivious to the events, Alice slept peacefully until she was awakened by her aunt's screams, and soon after she started to cry too. The four adults in the house also cried and half an hour later the oldest of them continued to cry with emotion and relief that everything went well.

That was an emotion he did not want to live again and he boasted that he and his wife were too old to have another child (And three months later, in a moment of tranquility, they had so much fun that in Februay 1940, a month ahead of schedule, Elizabeth Erda Farnon was born. Small and delicate, but with a desire to live as strong as her sister's, Elizabeth almost killed her parents from fear and worry when she came into the world.).

So Farnon as her father and uncle, Charlotte ended up earning her middle name “Isolde” to keep from the tradition (to Audrey's horror, who had forbidden it). And so did her little sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last one and will be a few years in the future. I just have to present you these adorable girls. <3  
> Isolde and Erda are names from Richard Wagner's work. 
> 
> (Something tells me Tristan gave this idea to Siegfried that the girls needed truly Farnon names as a joke, but he actually bought it. lol)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Hope you liked it.


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